My Wife Is No Longer Sexually Attractive To Me, And Our Relationship, Overall, Is Suffering - What Do I Do?

Question

My wife is no longer sexually attractive to me. We have three children and she has now become obese. I cannot get an erection when I think of her anymore, and we sleep in separate rooms in our house now. I still love her, but I have enormous needs that are no longer being fulfilled. Should I get a divorce?

Answer 1

SO many people think of the EASY way to resolve their problems. Divorce is MUCH easier than trying to work the problem out and find a solution.

Communication is ALWAYS the first step. Talk with her about your feelings... Tell her what you just told us. Help her understand that you DO still love her, but something needs to be done with her weight. Of course you didn't tell us if YOU also gained weight during your marriage. Maybe you BOTH could go on a healthy eating plan and make a family project to eat healthier and exercise regularly.

You need to support each other through this tough time. And remember, she didn't get obese overnight, so it will take time, LOVE, and support to help her through it all.

I hope both you do well.

Answer 2

why don't u try to get her to work out with you. Plan an exercise regime. Start slow and paced her towards a healthy lifestyle. Also, encourage her to cut down on carbohydrates and supplement with vegetables and protein. The initial stage would be tough as this meant a change in habits, however constant motivation sets the momentum. Bear in mind that she has given you 3 beautiful children and love is not built overnight. Be truthful to her that you would be more sexually attracted to her if she bothers with her excess weight gain (but be tactful) and promise her that you would try to help her to lose the weight by taking part together. Tell her she is still attractive to you (there are other areas which she is still wonderful, like being a gd mum, cooks well, washes your linens etc and i'm sure you know the gd points- dont overlook them). Also be self-conscious that you aren't also as attractive as before (though she might still love the way you had changed) and treasure this woman who has walked the past decade(s) with you and supported you. Rem how you have fallen in love with her? Rem your first night together? Rem the birth of your first child? All these are your past rich moments! In the meantime, manage your desires by yanking off in the toilet (DIY). Wish you a regain a fulfilling sexual life together again.

Answer 3

She needs to understand you have needs and when you are married she has a responsibility to take care of herself so you do not lose the attraction for her. Although she can say no, it is her that is braking the marriage vows by letting herself go. There must have been something that made her lose self respect or a medical problem but the two of yo need to work on it to salve the marriage. Her being obese is hurting the children and shortening her lifespan. First find out what the problem is with her and then work together to fix it. It is never too late to start the healing process and maby someday the two of you will get back to the good times.

Answer 4

So you say you are no longer sexually attracted to your wife? Did you ever stop to think, that your wife might be emotionally starved, that is the reason she seeks comfort in food. You made a statement that you still love your wife, when was the last time you showed her any tenderness. You are married by the way did you listen to the vows you took on your wedding day? In sickness and health, for better or worse , Till death do you part. Remember you need to put her needs above your own , that what love is all about.

Answer 5

no, divorce out of the question, first of all does she love you.
make changes in way yall spend time together and help with a nd encourage her to lose weight. Critisizing harms and hinders and sets a person up to fail, bribes sometimes work toward lossing weight, maybe her selfesteem is down . . do u really love her enough to work this this little hard ship. T ry therapy, get invloved with friends and change attitudes. I dont think that she is not loving you but maybe something with you and her that needs changing. get a good friend that is gonna hear and not take sides. make time for each other. Talk with each other openly and honestly about whats really bothering both of you.

doing and saying are two different things, but in this day and age relationshi[ps are hard to find, at least the good ones. Maybe she might be depressed over something try and work thru this and you might just save your relationship in the long run if possible, but also the question is for both do you really love each other to work thru this situation

Answer 6

If your wife is truly obese, she must be in serious emotional pain. I would start there, and I would get professional help to do so. If you can't afford it, or your insurance doesn't cover it, go to a church or community service. She is obviously trying to numb pain by eating.

She needs to know that you love her and you love your family more than anything (and that they come before your "enormous needs").

I do understand that sex is a need for men, but you need to give every other avenue a boy scouts try before throwing in the towel.

In the meantime, set up shop in the bathroom w/ a Maxim and a bottle of lotion.

P.S. Just went and read your other question - you suck.

Answer 7

If you still love her and care about her I think you should tactfully talk to her. Tell her what your needs are and find out what are hers needs. Take her out spend time with her and the children, don't make the outing out be to a restaurant but to the park, bike riding a walk, time at the gym, go to the beach go swimming. Do something active together. Right now the grass may seem greener but there's nothing like being with someone who you care about and can trust and feels the same way about you, despite how you are her look. You may or may not be able to hook up with some hot girl but what is it if there's nothing else. What you need to do is enjoy them big tatas and buddy while she still has it.

Answer 8

Have you considered that she may be depressed? Woman tend to gain weight when they are depressed hense you don't feel sexy anymore so sex becomes a chore.. you may want to start by asking her about how she feels... about her life, the kids.. you... are you doing your part in being a good husband. what was your sex life before all of this happened.. did you please her sexually or did just please yourself. do you know what she likes or dislikes sexually .. have you ever asked her.. you need to start focusing your energy on her not you for starter and have a nice long much needed conversation about what she wants?????
good luck..
keep this in mind a marriage is about give and take .. have you been taking and never giving.. to bail out now when things are nt going your way is just lame and a pathetic excuse to just throw all the years of happiness before this all began away.. divorce shouldnt even be crossing your mind if you really love her.

Answer 9

It depends, did you marry her for sex? Sleeping in separate rooms will only make it worse. You are not going to get out of bed & walk to another room to have sex. How would you like her to tell you that your voice irrates her so she will not talk or eat with you anymore? Love is not based on a person's size - I know this for a fact & I am a size 6. My love for my husband has nothing to do with physical traits, after 33 yrs of marriage I have learned that love, respect & overlooking each others flaws make a marriage work.

Answer 10

You have to talk to her. You have to tell her how you feel. It might hurt her but a divorce would hurt her more. Talk to her about her weight. Not in a criticizing or demeaning way. Let her know that you love her but you are not happy. Exercise with her, help her cook healthier meals. Whatever you decide to do, do it together. Show her how her losing weight would be beneficial to everyone in the family. Try some outside counseling if you think it would help.