because our jobs required to live apart. I thought we would reconsile and make up. After many months of trying to make headway in the relationship she said she would consider getting back together. Then in a couple of weeks it was off. Then after easter break it was on... now its off. She did get heer contract back for another semester, but she still seems confused. She says she has friends. That is nice. I miss her and I want to end this foolishness. I subletted an appartment in a nearby town and plan to go on the supply list and apply for contracts as they come up... but I also hope to heal the relationship with my wife. Any advice? I don't know what her next mood might be?
2006-06-25 14:51:04 · 6 answers · asked by woblyknobit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your wife seems a little confuse. You seem to want to fix the problem but the only problem here is that you seem to be the only one that wants to restore your marriage. So what to do?
Here are a couple of do's and don't:
DON'T....Give her reassurance
DON'T.... tell her over and over again "I love you"
DON'T... argue, reason, try talking to her into feeling different or do different. You see, most people don't know that if you agree and sound sincere to the other person, do not defend yourself, do not explain yourself, they will defend you.
DON'T...be pesimistic
DO...stop pressuring, stop criticizing, stop complaining, stop whining.
DO...agree with anything your wife says or does. Put a good name to it. Agree with their negative feelings. When your wife puts her negative feelings in charge of the door to her mind and you try to reason with her, you're telling her that her negative feelings are wrong. That causes her negative feelings to lock the door tighter. Agree with her negative feelings – whatever they are. Do not argue with her, just agree, sound sincere and SHUT UP.
DO...act perfectly happy. Enjoy your space. Enjoy your freedom. Tell her that they are correct – that you all were getting too serious too fast – or whatever her interpretation is that she has given to you. Agree with it, and act happy about whatever it is that they want. Because it saves your nerves, saves your pride, saves your energy, and you end up getting your way, much more than arguing or rebelling or disagreeing or pressuring. If you want to win somebody back, the worst thing you can do is disagree with them. Never do it!
Once she finally takes that step into wanting to rebuild you're marriage seek professional help to further rebuild /restore your relationship.
2006-06-25 16:04:00 · answer #1 · answered by psylocke 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like your wife has no idea what she wants and she knows you will be the door mat sitting there waiting for her when she finally does decide... She might be waiting to see if there is something better that might come along and if that doesn't happen then she knows she can come back. I would get a back bone and tell her that she should know if she loves you or not and if she wants the marriage and you to be in her life at all then she needs to be willing to be with you and go to counseling if needs be and work on the marriage, time away just builds more of a space between the both of you. You need to put your foot down and stop letting her make all the decisions about your relationship, if she doesn't come back then she isn't the woman you should want to stay married to. You as a person deserve to be met half way in a relationship.
2006-06-25 15:07:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is only one thing to do !!! Get marriage councelling !!
It sounds like your wife maybe 38(+) age bracket..if this is the case a trained marriage councillor may recommend she see her doctor and have a simple blood test done to determine if she is entering "Menopause". This condition can start as young as 30 years of age for some woman.
If it isn't "menopause"..then a trained marriage coucillor can help you both look at what issues (both known and hidden) that may be contributing to your marital problem.
2006-06-25 15:08:44 · answer #3 · answered by Hornyus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is probably done with you because she has been trying on too many different shoes and has decided yours don't fit right anymore.
2006-06-25 15:05:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's really a rocky road for both of you. you both should sit down and discuss things, meet halfway, consult a counselor, then decide what's best for bboth of you.
2006-06-25 15:03:25 · answer #5 · answered by ali 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it seems like she likes what she missed more than she does you
2006-06-25 15:12:34 · answer #6 · answered by charlesjerrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋