please help a foreign student improve his socializing ability?

Question

our family moved to the united states about four years ago. both of my parents cannot speak english at all, but i have managed to catch up with the language pretty quickly and squeeze myself into the top 5% of my high school.
i used to be a funny, happy teenager who loved to meet new people, yet recently i have discovered that i have very poor socializing skills in the united states. i have noticed the complete lack of social vocabulary in myself. whenever i was ask to speak, i would turn the discussion into a very serious and boring monologue. i reckon the problem is probably cause by the diction i use in my conversation.
i would love to get into small chats with other people, but i could never accomplish them. my conversation always ended up in an awkward silences. if i were ever to be invited to the Jay Leno show, the program would probably get terminated right away.
i am very troubled and frustrated. can someone please delight me and help me improve my social skills?

Answer 1

I'm not sure what else to tell you, except to keep practicing, and learn from those around you. With time, you'll pick up the way socializing in the US works. Don't get too frustrated, and keep trying, you'll get there!

Answer 2

Ive never been to the USA but imagine that a lot of the basics of socialisation in USA is not too far removed from Australian socialisation.
here are some tips for good social skills
1) allow at least one metre ( three feet) of space between you and the person you are speaking with.
2) steer clear of heavy topics unless the other person asks you directly about it.
3) keep answers short and simply whenever possible
4) always ask questions of the other person and listen carefully to their answers.
5) remember you have one mouth and two ears because you are meant to talk only half as much as you hear.
6) observe social cues in other people and keep these in mind.
7) remember every society has its sub-cultures too and each sub culture varies in its socialisation
8) talk about non-threatening topics such as the weather, who won at a football match, a movie you saw last night etc.
9) being in the top 5% at high school is probably not going to win you social points but dont let that stop you from being in the top 5% but do remember that some people will be prejudice against you because of that.
10) the same social skills you used in your original country are still applicable in USA you are just facing some barriers of language, prejudice, and frustration.

Answer 3

Find one person you can hang out with (or two or three, etc.), but the key is to start small. And just talk with your friend/group. If they're genuine friends, they'll tell you about the "wrong" things you do socially, plus you'll pick up on the kinds of words and conversation that's expected for your general social group (high school?).

As for turning things into a monologue, stop it! A key to good conversation is to make sure that the other person is talking at least as much as you. But if you do find yourself going on and on, just apologize and ask the other person for their opinion.

Being self-deprecating never hurt either.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Find a couple of friends or teachers who are native speakers, and ask them to help you. Join in extracurricular activitites you enjoy, and you will have a built in group of people who have things in common to talk about.

Join a book discussion group! You are valued for your opinion there, and the other members can help you learn the lingo. Tell them that you are working on social skills!

Take a risk and try a joke or two. Laugh at yourself! Practice smiling at others' jokes and comments.

Learn to listen - sometimes we try too hard to speak when we could get more mileage out of actively listening to others.

Great question! Good luck and much success to you!

Answer 5

Well, first i think it all has to start with your inner self, have confidence in yourself. Don't mind what others are thinking of you. Be happy with yourself. However, you can improve your socializing skills by talking to people. Make sure you are discussing the right subject with the right kind of persons. For example, talk to a priest about life, bible and something that's appropriate for a priest. Think before you speak! It takes time and and alot of practice.

Answer 6

First of all, it sounds like you have done very well in adjusting and you should be proud of yourself. If you find that in, trying to talk to people it turns into a long monologue that is too serious, one thing I encourage you to do is ask others about themselves. Ask questions, everybody likes to talk about themselves, and it helps people feel comfotable to know someone is interested in them. Another thing you can do is watch television and or movies, especially shows that are about teens. They aren't realistic, but perhaps they can help you get a sense of the ebb and flow of how conversations work in U.S. society.
Don't take yourself too seriously, allow yourself mistakes, and laugh them off. Be yourself, be genuine and sincere and I wish you the best.

Answer 7

"i have noticed the complete lack of social vocabulary in myself. whenever i was ask to speak, i would turn the discussion into a very serious and boring monologue."

Damn right. Your tedious question confirms this analysis.

Make this your creed: if you don't have something worth saying - - - STFU!

Oh, and quit surfin' for sympathy.

Answer 8

I had a friend like you, once. Actually, several. But this particular one made it his business to come and find me everyday at work, and follow me around. Why? To see how I interacted with people, how I spoke, and what I talked about. And, also, how I made people laugh, and maintained friendships. When I asked him why, he told me some other guy (also from Poland), whom I'd actually known for a long time, told him to! It seems that, for them, at least, taking cues from one close friend was all that was needed to see how Americans interact with each other, and use "slanguage" (slang English). Learning "proper" English is fine in theory, but in reality, almost no one uses it. So, your stilted use of it would stymie socializing, and friendships. "Unlearn, what you have learned!"

Answer 9

Let your friends know about your problem. Ask them for help in social situations. Don't be embarrassed about your lack of understanding, some of my friends have the very same problem. Let them correct you when you make mistakes, besides girls love guys with accents and will love to help.

Answer 10

Maybe its the subject matter. Even Americans can't carry a long conversation about something they don't have any interest in. So turn the conversation to something that interest you, you would be surprised how much you could rattle off under that kinda situation.