I've been married for five years, separated for three now. We separated because of work issues, but things wasn't good even before that. He cheated on me, but I still loved him so I tried to worked it out. He doesn't care about the relationship or me. After seeing that I was working on the relationship alone I decided that is time to move on. But now I hate him, I wish the worst for him and I want to make his life miserable even though I don't do anything I just think about it. Somehow I find myself still not moving on, what can I do?
2006-06-25 10:48:30 · 15 answers · asked by 4thebest 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You will never totally get over him, but you can move on and find somebody who deserves you and will treat you right. He will forever occupy a small place in your heart. If you accept that and just let it be there, you will eventually start to hate him less and then just remember the good times that you have shared in the past. You need to take care of yourself first. Its hard, but time will heal this wound. good luck to you.
2006-06-25 10:53:50 · answer #1 · answered by bambi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you weren't ready to separate from the start. Regret can leave you in a place you were 3 years ago. maybe you thought that it would work out or that he really loved you and wouldn't let you go. You must seek counseling because you will never get into a healthy relationship pining over a man who can care less. I am sorry you are feeling this way. It is very painful and extremely exhausting both mentally and physically and you will never focus on good things if you are stuck in the past. He is gone and you have to face it and forgive him and just let yourself live.
2006-06-25 11:06:02 · answer #2 · answered by blondiebella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop looking backward, focusing on the past keeps you trapped there. think about the future and what you want and where you want to go and start getting there. this didn't work and thats sad but it happens everyday, learn the lessons there are to be learned from it but other than that you have to just make a conscious decision to let it go. as long as you feel this anger and hatred this man is still running your life and i thought you said you decided it wasn't worth it and that you were worth more...think of it this way, it could've stolen 10 years of your life and that would be even worse. you did the right thing for that relationship now do the right thing for yourself and move forward...always forward.
2006-06-25 10:59:04 · answer #3 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In order for you to truely move on you must cut that anchor that is tied to you. Here are 3 things that you need to do inorder for you to truely let go.
The first is to REMEMBER...all the good times and the bad and everything in between. List all the good things about this man and the bad things.
Second you need to REPENT...meaning taking your qualities (good or bad) that you posess before you met this man and make a list. Then list the qualities (good or bad) that you posess after you have married this man. Along with that make a list of the good qualities that this man posess (I know easier said than done). Take for example his strenghts and weaknesses. Then make another list of the key qualities that you want in a man. This will not only help you to heal but also show you the kind of person you desire to be with.
The last step is to RE-DO...meaning do what you use to do. Be that person that you have described in step 2. By doing this it restores who you are inside.
There is a final step after all is said and done and it is to FORGIVE...yes I said to forgive. There is nothing greater then being able to forgive those who have hurt you. You don't necessary have to tell them that you for give them but you do have to be able to truely forgive in your heart and at the same time be able to forgive yourself. Once you are able to forgive that anchor will no longer tie you to that person and that you will be able to move on with your life without any attachment to that person.
This whole process will take some time but if it seems hard at first seek a counslor or a pastor to help you thorugh your ordeal because talking about your hurt will also help you heal.
2006-06-25 19:21:41 · answer #4 · answered by psylocke 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course, you are hardly the first person in the history of the world to be in this position. The best thing to do after any relationship ends is to focus on your health and appearance (do something for you) and then if you want another relationship, mingle in places where someone with interests similar to yours is likely to be found.
Also, remember this--there are 6 billion people in the world--yes, 6 billion--think about it. It should be impossible for one little person to cause that much hurt to you.
2006-06-25 11:04:45 · answer #5 · answered by brian_hahn_32 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its hard to go on after being with the same person for so long, its a scary thought!! But since the relationship is resolved, all you can do is live life and try to be happy...start going out with the girls, have a good time, call some old friends that you've lost touch with since you've been married; keep yourself busy, busy, busy...the right one is out there, he just hasn't been found yet. good luck!
2006-06-25 11:06:15 · answer #6 · answered by skye 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It won't be long now...... once the "hate" passes, it'll be done. It will pass, simply give it time. Wise not to act on the ill emotions you're having.
Avoid any contact, try and find something totally new in your life and focus on the good. The day you sign those divorce papers, it'll be like a whole new world. Good Luck.
2006-06-25 10:58:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your stuck in a rut with the hating and wanting him to pay for not loving you. Now you have to decide if this is the way you want to live the rest of your life or actually move on and find someone who will and can love and cherish you. He sounds as if he doesn't care about anyone but his self.
2006-06-25 10:59:40 · answer #8 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling to try to put those feelings in perspective and move on. Wishing harm to him will not do you any good and he could care less about what you are feeling. Get it together girl and start enjoying your life. When ready date or there's always sites like eHarmony or eMatch if you find it hard to meet people.
2006-06-25 10:52:15 · answer #9 · answered by Starr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time heals all sweetie....It really hurts but you are better off and you will get over it, sometimes it takes a little longer then we like, but I promise you will..... Keep busy, go out 'Alot' with your friends and believe me someone will come along and make you feel good about yourself again.... And this new guy probably won't cheat..... and he will treat you the way you deserve..... Give yourself a chance.... Your X sounds like a real loser....... Go Girl !!!
2006-06-25 11:04:00 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋