Girlfriend vs Bestfriends?

Question

I think my boyfriend values his bestfriends more than me.He hasent known them more than 6 months and we've known eachother 3 years.Today is our 4 month aniversery.And I think he forgot...Everytime i ask him not to do something (ie drugs, drinking) i rub off as the controling girlfriend b*tch.But everytime he asks me not to do something (ie hang out with x-bf's who are still good friends) he rubs off as "worried"and "concerned".(I dont do drugs or drink or any of that so its not an issue for me).But his friends hate me cause HE decided to quit and im making him keep up with that promise to himself.We're also pre-engaged and have alot planned out,but he always asks them for their opinions about OUR problem!Should i just let this go?Or should i say something to him?

Answer 1

Well as it stands I see alot of issues on both sides. My answer may have a conflicting opinion but I will try to be honest and as helpful as possible.

First, all guys talk with their friends about problems as I am quite sure girls do also. Now the only problem is if your guys friends are responsible adults or just being plain selfish. A true friend will try to give advice thats honest, people you "hang out" with will say whatever they need to to allow the party to keep on rolling.

Second, this may sting a bit but...guys in general do not pay attention to the same kind of things that girls do. A 4 month anni to a guy is a minor blip in life not worth mentioning in most cases. Obviously it is a larger deal for you and therefore to be attentitive to your needs he should acknowledge this as a semi-special day. Though, I would not hold my breath.

As far as drugs and alcohol is concerned your boyfriend really needs to want to quit them on his own...not with your influence starting this urge. If he truly wants to stop then that is fine but if not your setting you both up for some serious pitfalls. I smoke and my wife hates it but we have made mid ground arrangements. I smoke outside and not in the house where it will effect both our space. You may not drink and may not like it but that doesn't mean that he shold feel the same way so long as it is not having a negative impact on his funcionality and responsability as an adult.

It really depends on how your new boyfriend percieves your relationship with your ex's and that is something that also involves alot of trust. In a 4 month relationship it is hard to tell how how comfortable anyone can be. This is something you really need to discuss with your boyfirend to see how he truly feels.

You both sound young indeed maybe early to mid 20's. It may just take time and alot of patience on both your parts to come a comfortable mid-way meeting ground. Remember it takes sacrifice, communication, patience and alot of work on both parts to make it work.

Keep yer chin up!

Answer 2

There is line where that friends shouldnt cross and he shouldnt let them cross it..friends are suppose to be there for support. If they are real friends they will stick around no matter what. If he dont know where the line is kick him across it and down the road there is someone out there that is ready for a relationship.

Answer 3

if i were in this situation, i would just go to his friend's house and say, "Pass me the pot!" lol i'm just kidding. HUGS NOT DRUGS!
just tell him how u feel...and if possible, slap his around. teach him a lesson! JK

xoxoxo
Jesse the guy who gives really sucky advice!!!!!!!! YAY ME

Answer 4

get out now.. I think it would be best to be friends
especially if his friends opinions matter more than you both working it out...

Answer 5

thats how it is supposed to be... for guys its bros before hoes (not calling you a hoe, thats just the line) and for chicks its hoes before bros, friends are more valuable, you should know that already.

Answer 6

try to talk to him, if he continues i think u better bounce him