I have a stepdaughter with her mother's bad attiude?

Question

Ok, I married a man w/ 14 girl. Her mother decided to have an affair w/ a convict got pregnant by him. My husband found out divorced her.even though she had a baby by another man she still wants to be w/ my husband. A year later he meets me ask me to marry him. She try to beak us up by telling her daughter to act up be mean etc. The daughter all ready has mean streak in her anyway. She listens to heavy metal all day speaks very rude to her father. Tells him to mine is own business,get out her room,throws the phone to him etc. Sometimes I feel like he;s just to soft. I know part of the reason is because the last time he spank her she told her mother who lives in vegas and she told her to call the cops. I think his ex has accepted defeat since we are married now.her child is just like her though But ck this out she choose to live w/ her dad but treats him like crap. He doesn't want her live w/ her mom because she does not want to. but she disrespectful to everybody in the hou

Answer 1

your husband is far too soft on the kid and she is headed for nothing but trouble. there are ways to discipline her without spanking her..for example take away her music, she throws the phone at him well thats fine then he takes the phone and she gives up her right to use it for its intended purpose, if she speaks rudely and disrespectfully to her father she is sent to her room (not the one with the tv, the computer and the stereo in it either) until she can behave in an acceptable manner. there are tons of good parenting books out there, you need to get some. your hubby needs to understand that he isn't doing this girl any favors by letting her behave this way, his job as a parent is to prepare her for life on her own...she gets out in the world and acts this way she's going nowhere but to jail, if that isnt what he wants for her he needs to straigten her out. and perhaps she acts like that with her mother well thats her mothers problem and doesn't mean you have to accept that behavior when she is at your house. she is perfectly capable of understanding that she might get away with that at home but it isn't going to work with you. she's probably been getting away with this stuff her whole life so changing it will be rough but it is for her own good! its sad really this kid is being undervalued when you really think about it, they assume she behaves that way because she can't do any better, if nothing is expected of her thats exactly what you will get from her and exactly what she will be the rest of her life. raise the stakes, expect more.

Answer 2

Sounds like you are caught between a rock and a hard place. Your husband needs to grow a spine, and start acting like a parent instead of trying to be his daughters friend. Until he takes control, your life is going to be miserable. You could suggest counseling, but don't be surprised if he doesn't go for it. He's part of the problem, and until he steps up to the plate, nothing is going to change. Good luck.

Answer 3

First of all, let me say... been there, done that, wound up divorced. I hope you have a better result. It's not a good idea to marry someone if they have out of control children. I would have suggested you continue to date, but get the issues resolved before getting married. I say this because MANY marriages end in divorce due to the very problems you are dealing with. However, since you are married... It's time for you to make one of 3 choices:
--You need to accept that life is going to range from rare moments of calm to outright hell (and please avoid bringing more children into this environment!).
--OR give up and file for divorce (not what I'd recommend except for last resort)
--OR convince your husband that all of you need family counseling and HE needs to be the one to take control of the family. (She will only resent you more if she thinks you are the one forcing him to "take sides".)

If you choose the last choice... It's going to be hell at times in the beginning. You need new parenting skills and she has to be told either shape up or ship out to Mom's (or boot camp?) for the sake of your marriage. Ideally, counseling will help all 3 of you get through this and she will turn into a lovely young lady. This means your husband needs to work with you and not allow any "evil step-mother" thinking or other disrespect. He hasn't been doing it so far from the sounds of things, but maybe he will. If you are successful, she will thank you someday. She may be 20 or older, and may not even tell you to your face, but she will be a better person for your efforts. (If you have faith in God/a higher power - request prayers for your family - I believe it makes a difference.) And by the way - if you continue to allow her to disrespect you like this, it WILL eventually take it's toll on you in a multitude of ways because it's just not mentally healthy.

Unfortunately, my ex thought his daughter was right and I was just being nasty because she wasn't mine - until I moved out and our divorce was final. He finally admitted he was wrong, but the damage to our relationship was beyond repair at that point.

Answer 4

She seem like she is acting out and is very confused but if she choose to live at your place you need to set boundaries and ground rules. If she can't follow these ground rule then she needs to get shipped back to her mom so that her mom can discipline her daughter. Your husband need to point out to her that if she wants to live in his home she need to follow some ground rules. it will take alot of patients and you need to be consistent. If she breaks a house rule punish her accordingly. If she acts out be patient but be firm and punish her accordingly. Your step daughter is like a 2 year old. When she throws her tantrums, she just wants your attention. Your husband need to firmly put his foot down and give her an ultimatum...deal with the house rules and follow them of his daughter need to move back in with her mom but always reassure her that she is still loved no matter what.

Answer 5

Your husband needs to get some back bone and tell his daughter exactly what is going to happen if she disobeys the rules. He is the adult and needs to start acting like it unless he doesn;t care that she treats him this way. Not much you can do since she is a step, but I would not tolerate it if I were you and she did you like she does her father.

Answer 6

I'm dealing with a similar situation. Only my mans son is 6.

These dads are just going to have to step up, we lack being the actual parent, and get ran over regularly.

I'm afraid I don't have the answer. But I wish you the best.

Answer 7

You need to talk with your husband and tell him to get a backbone and quit letting the little brat disrespect everyone. Then after talking with him, get him to get with the little brat and tell her if she doesn't learn to start respecting EVERYONE in the house, she pack her bags and go to her moms house to live. Since she doesn't want to live with her mom and etc, it might just do the trick, but only if her dad enforces some discipline.

Answer 8

You must be a white woman because I don't know any black women that would let a 14 yr. old come in her house and rule and super rule like that. You can take charge just as well as your husband should. She would have to respect me or she would not be in my HOUSE. bottom line.

Answer 9

Join the club. How about this? We take your 14 year old, and my 14 year old, but them in an arena, tell each that the other said their hair looks stupid, and then throw a bunch of knives in there with them. I'll bring the knives...

I'm kidding, of course.

Answer 10

Tell the girl she needs to go in otherwords she's needs to move on. She has a bad attitude and does not respect you or the house. She should leave now.

Tell her, adios.