I love this guy. Its 3 years now that we love. He has let his parents know about us. But in my place religion matters alot. Hence, there were severe problems and his parents refused to accept me. He is not ready to marry me if his parents dont agree. He is protective, caring, calls every alternate day,remembers what I dress and say, repeatedly says he likes my character and loves me. But something is missing is what my gut feeling says.Coz, there are some serious flaws in spite of his words, like saying a no to me because he needs to do something back for his parents inspite of me letting to sacrifice my culture and religion for him, not prefering our relation to be known to his friends or work circle, sometimes seems distant when with me.While I say my close friends who he is, he stays in orkut with a bold "single" written in his relation status. He says that might tarnish his image since people gossip. I ask abt it he says he is serious thats y he is fighting for me.Should I go on...
2006-06-25 09:03:58 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
No, he is not married. He is 30 and I am 24. Both of us are independant and doing good work in our own respective fields. I love n adore my parents and am very particular about my career as well. He talked about taking a normal job out of my interest without doing a post doc. Somehow, I dont see the happiness that he ought to get in my achievements, that I have when he does great work. Compromise on religion culture is all fine...but on my parents and career upsets me. All this and more for him saying "Look if my parents accepts its fine, else we part". Also, in the last few months I have caught him telling I love u to someone whom he knew through chat once,the justification given I know I am a cheater when caught red handedly and later said she is like my mother.Registered in matrimonial site searching for a girl of his caste,when asked y said just curiosity. I worshipped him, never demanded anything from him, loved him.Is this the return I ought to get.Is this worth sitting n waiting
2006-06-25 09:04:38 · update #1
Yes, guys are dogs until the day they die!
2006-06-25 09:06:05 · answer #1 · answered by April 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your very detailed question reflects a sincere thirst for opinions and suggestions. The trouble is that from culture to culture the rules are different and the expectations are also very different. That said my opinion would be that you can do much better and should be paying attention to some of the more profound signs that this person is not your soulmate or true love. First he puts not only his parents above you but expects you to come close to deny your, so very important, religion. A person's religious beliefs go very much to the core of the person they are and a husband should want to know every aspect of a mates life. Also he says his parents must accept you also which puts you in a position of being almost impossible to please them and therefore him. Scriptures say that a man should leave his father and mother and be joined to his spouse putting her first, right behind his love and devotion for God. You are also seeing that he is distant from you, not that he appears that way. You are intelligent and know when someone is distant. Also by stating he is profoundly single means that he is not willing to make that committment to you. Also the lack of apprecation seems to say he is not proud of you or doesn't care about your achievements either.
My dear find that wonderful person that you are and be confident in yourself. This person is not the person for you and I don't think worthy of the devotion that you have given him. There are many others in the world that will appreciate you and your religion as well as share in the things that make you proud. Be thankful for the good times you have had but this relationship, in my opinion, is doomed and it is best left behind as you seek to find yourself and that person that considers you just as special as you do.
2006-06-25 09:21:12 · answer #2 · answered by alagk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My two cents: a guy who honors a relationship should not be flirting around. Sounds like if you were to marry him you were also marrying his parents too.
Why would a grown man have to get his parents' approval of his future spouse? (ask for their blessing is another story). Can't he make his own decision? In a way his behavior is telling me he is not capable of choose his own spouse and that he needs his parents' guidance at age 30??
Also, his calling you everyday, his protectiveness could be a sign of controling. Probably he comes from a controling family.
Again, he is 30 and you got to accept him as is. If all his flaws bothers you, maybe you are not ready to accept him as who he is. Ask youself why do you love a guy with soooo many flaws.
Yes, everyone has flaws, there may be someone out there who has flaws that don't bother you......make sense?
2006-07-09 07:45:51 · answer #3 · answered by h2o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time to give this man his walking papers! He is just not that into you! Why waste time on someone that does not share your values, and sense of loyalty? I wasted ten yours of my life encouraging a husband that got to where he wanted to go, and become who he wante d to become and he left me flat without a thought or a care! he had no respect for my religion or culture. I was very needy and did not want to look at that. You sound like a nice person that wants to be loved, and you will be loved in the way you deserve to be loved if you start setting the right boundaries. If he is not proud to be with you in front of any one then say how you feel about that! I would be furious and hurt!
you must have very low self esteem if you are putting up with this kind of behavior! Stop being a door mat! be the person you are with love and pride in yourself! This man will never be worthy of you, I hope you see that he is a spineless wimp! Why bother with
some one so low?
2006-07-09 06:49:08 · answer #4 · answered by motherpeanutbutterbutinsky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?
One if he listens to his parent so strongly, say his image will be ruined, can't say he has a girlfriend...then what are you doing there. You are just filling his time till he or his parents find someone for him. Telling someone You love them because they are like his mother...they must be fulling a need that he's not sharing with you. You must come off to him as a nothing.I am sure he's using you, obviously he doesn't care. He is using his parents as an excuse....If you are just his girlfriends and he says you may ruin his image....Doyou honestly believe he will marry you.
Get some self esteem and move on...just tell your self you picked the wrong guy....gotta try again.
2006-07-07 00:37:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is wise to consider your actions so carefully.
I noted another wise message talking of different cultures and different rules.
Regardless of rules you will not be solving this problem by waiting. I would suggest that you talk to him plainly and clearly. Do not say things in a way that you do not mean them - say them clearly as you have written them here.
It seems that once you graduate your post graduate studies, you will be someone who is very suitable to many men, both in India and abroad.
You will, unfortunately have to take a risk.
You will have to risk that he will say No.
"No, I cannot because of my caste/parents". If that is the case, and he genuinely loves you, then you should suggest that you both go to talk to his parents together.
In all of this conflict, you might risk losing his friendship as well. If you continue as you are now, he will find it hard to stay friends, and it would be hard for you to keep being upset by this.
If you have taken decisive and strong steps to approach this man, and tell him what your heart is telling you, that is your best chance.
If it does not work, then you must complete your studies, and find a new man.
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-07-09 04:02:07 · answer #6 · answered by Jeremy D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually guys flirt around when they are in a relation.Its natural for them.They are born infidels.The term "single" however denotes mariatal status. Not romantic relationship status. But yes guys in relations usually know their limits! Again not alwez, if the leash is too loose!!
Girls are emotional fools.They use terms "committed' even when they are just dating a guy for 6 months!!!!
Its ok if he does not want to go against his parents' wishes. Atleast he should try to convince them. If he is not even ready to try he is a complete asshole and not worthy of ur love!!!!
As far as saying "i love u" to sm1 else is concerned, here your guy is plain n simple cheating on you!So plz open your eyes before its too late!!!
Girl, this guy has more apparent flaws than hidden. Do urself a favor! Leave him!
2006-06-25 09:46:18 · answer #7 · answered by Isha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unload the guy and pass on! it rather is lots much less complicated pronounced than carried out, yet this guy is merely stringing you alongside from the way you place it. If he's letting his mothers and fathers effect him like this then it would be like this for the the remainder of your lives, even worse once you have teenagers! Are you specific that he's not purely using his mothers and fathers for an excuse? Honey you're too youthful to permit somebody try this to you. be happy locate somebody else
2016-10-31 11:26:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are adults and need to live your own lives.
Do what your hearts tell you to do...if either cannot commit to each other...time to leave the situation and move on...you may end up like Charles and Camilla who always were working behind Diana's back and had to wait many years to be happy. Is it worth it? You decide...... (Charles's relative was true to Mrs. Simpson and followed his heart many years ago!!!!! Love meant more than the throne!!)
I wish you well.... :-)
2006-06-25 09:11:59 · answer #9 · answered by Sammyleggs222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Holy Bible-A man should cling to his wife,and forshaking all others,even his mother and father.This is a man,age 30 that can not do any thing unless his mother and father tells him its alright to do it.I feel that you should move on.He may be 30 years old,but he is still a baby.
2006-06-25 09:14:53 · answer #10 · answered by Tony R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the guy. Some guys are compelled to flirt even if they're in a loving relationship. I think it's harmless, but if it bothers you, get a new dude.
2006-06-25 09:06:21 · answer #11 · answered by ndtaya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋