What do I do with a disrespectful teenage girl?

Question

I have a step daughter who does not want to live with her mother but has little respect for her father. It makes me mad because he will tell her to do something and she will say no. She is very lazy,unhappy,rude,mean and evil acting. It's hard for me because I was brought up in a house of yes mam no sir. To have a child tell her father" whatever get out of my room,mine your own business". Or she will just say rude things ex. "Like don't touch me" if he tries to get a hug, get out my room and slam the door in his face, demand things and he will do it, but the day before she threw the phone to him is disstressing. I want her to go live with her mother. Because she wont dare try that with her because she wont put up with it. How do I get her to want to live with her mother?

Sorry I shold add she is 14 and I have a 14 year old daughter my self and that her mother had an affair with a convict,got pregnant by him and move to vegas to be with him. He's out of prison and they have been living together for two years. The mother regrets what she did and wanted my husband back. But of course he wasn't feeling that. We met a year and a half and after this took place. Of course the mother was telling her daughter to act out so I would not marry him but that didn't work.we are newly married 6 months she has accepted defeat. But mom has a verbally abuse tongue. I mean very abuse ex. she would say something like" get the f--- off the phone and get your mother f------ homework don. I'm not going to tell you that s---again." Now her daughter after living with this personailty for 11 yrs has that same rude distasteful attiude. Without the cussing though.

Answer 1

WELL I'M ALSO 14 AND I THINK SHE SHOULD NOT BE TREATING YOU THAT WAY. IF I WAS ACTING THAT WAY MY PARENTS WOULD SO TAKE ME TOO BOOT CAMP. SINCE WHEN HAS SHE BEEN ACTING THAT WAY WITH YOU? WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS TAKE HER TO BOOT CAMP. YOU DONT DESERVE TO BE TREATED THAT WAY. YOUR PROBABLY A GREAT MOTHER. NO MOTHER DESERVES TO BE TREATED THAT WAY. OR TAKE HER TO ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES. OR GET PROFESSIONAL HELP

Answer 2

Are you step-mom? If so, I know what you are gong through, but don't think you don't have a say so in what goes on in your house. You do, she is under your roof you should speak up and tell the little brat the way things are going to be in your house. Set her straight and make sure that your husband is on the same page as you are from the start. If she senses that there is seperation between the way the two of you think and discipline then you are doomed. Make sure you are both on the same page and don't let her get away without helping in your house. If she doesn't get free reign in her mother's house then why is she getting it from Dad, and don't use the he feels guilty clause becuase that doesn't cut it in the really world. You better speak up now because if you and he have kids and they are little and see how she acts and what she gets away with then you have lost that battle when hey are her age. It takes everyone in a blended family to raise the children and step-parents shouldn't feel that they don't have a say so in what is being done and said about the childs actions. She is living in your house you are helping to support and raise her; even if you don't work full-time outside the home; you still are raising that child and what she learns and how she develops as an adult is still partly your responsibility. I use the term bonus mom instead of step-mom because step is such an evil term. Speak up don't be afraid to let them know how you feel about her actions and start laying down the law in your own house.

Answer 3

You can use this reverse phone lookup service ( http://reversephones.info )

PhoneDetective is a caller ID application that covers landline numbers, cell phones and business lines.
It's a cheap service that works great! It could be used for a much deeper search. You can use it to get hold of different varieties of background reports, and in addition cell numbers, addresses and names.. you can get unlimited reports...
I ran with this because I required to verify more numbers. You can get the name, other phone number, address history, relatives, and much more about anyone!
The completly free reverse phone lookup generally doesn't provide anything interesting. To get interesting information, money will must be paid.
The free searches don't provide considerably more than what may be found through the phone directory or personal information and they simply require your email to send spam.
The reverse phone detective search tool does work, but you should use just the service that I posted above. The last thing you want to do, is pay for a service and find the numbers you want to lookup are not available in their directory.

Answer 4

This girl is a normal teen these days. She is
acting out and really looking for love. There is
a flip side to love, hate and she doesn't know it.
Her acting out is the flip side. I would suggest
some councelling with someone who can relate
to teenagers. Her going to her mothers could be
what is needed and maybe not. Her attitude will
not change no matter where she lives unless someone
can take the time to listen to her, and role model
what is acceptable behaviour from a adult perspective.
There are a lot of self help books too if you want to start
building a relationship with this young lady. She is going
to be around since you are going out with her father.
Building safe bridges are a solid foundation to happiness.
Life isn't always cut and dried....love and respect go a long way.

Answer 5

Remeber your place first of all: you're the STEP-mother. Not the mom herself. Try having your husband's ex and you and your husband get together and discuss the issue. See what approaches or advice she may have for you guys. Being disrespectful at this age only gets WORSE and it's good that you're concerned and trying to fix the problem now. One step in the right direction! I would go ahead and see if you three can talk out what might be a good solution; maybe spending a month with her mother and having things get straightened out will be an option. Grounding, yelling, punishing won't always work in the right way and might send her into a even larger rebellion. Go ahead and get together. Have your husband talk to her and see if maybe there's reasons for her bad attitude towards her...such as unforgivness, past problems that have yet to be mended, problemes at school, friends, it could be anything and it could just be a way to get all the anger out. You said that she demands things and he does it, but that is NOT the way to go and it sounds like it's part of the problem because everytime you give her what she wants just to calm her down and get her to stop being so disrespectful is leading to more of that because she knows that she'll get what she wants when she does throw and a fit and demand things. I would say all in all, the three of you parents and step-parents need to talk things out, then all of you need to confront her (and if not all of you, then JUST your husband because sometimes bringing yourself into the mix may be a problem because you're not her mother but mainly her step-mother and hopefully when your relationship gets better a friend). Just keep going at it and hopefully you guys can all work together to fix this disrespectful stuff now.

Answer 6

it sounds like she's resentful of you and her father's relationship. despite the fact that you were brought up in an era of discipline and respect for your elders, you have to remember that this is the 21st century and adults must earn respect from their offspring in order to get it back.

i don't think the answer is forcing her to live with her mother as this is yet another rejection by her father. standing nose to nose with her will not work . she has her own personality with her own wants and needs. try addressing a few of them. just remember, she's a child and needs some guidance, not bullying. try and be a little sympathetic towards her; her family has broken down and she feels pushed away. i realise this is gonna be hard. what was she like before you and her father got together? if she's always been hard faced then nothing's ever gonna change anyway.

good luck!

Answer 7

This is Daddy's problem and very likely his fault. He needs to get over whatever guilt or self esteem problems he has that are preventing him from being a parent to his daughter. You say that she doesn't get away with this with her Mother? That tells me that there is a communication problem between Mom and Dad. I find that a united front is the only way for my ex-wife and I to stand up to our children. It's a very old truth that a house divided cannot stand. That doesn't mean that divorce has to lead to division. They gave birth to her together and until she's on her own they are responsible to parent her together. You are in a hard position. If you push to hard against the husband your screwed. If you push to hard against the daughter your screwed. All you can do is say what's on your mind then step back and let them sort it out or self destruct.

Answer 8

If you feel you don't get the right answer about how to get her to go to her mom's, here's an idea>>> Since she does need help, there are places where she could be sent to teach her better behavior. A foster-daughter I had was sent to such a place (by DHR), due to her constant misbehavior. It was a long time ago & I don't remember what the name of it is, but it was like King's Ranch, only for girls. They don't let them out till they're of age and/or unless they reach a level of behavior that is satisfactory. The girls are under constant supervision... they believe in using certain methods that teach them good behavior. You could check with Methodist churches or DHR & see if they know of such a place in your area.

Answer 9

Have some serious talks with your husband about this. He is not doing her any favors with allowing the behavior, but he has to be the one that makes the changes. I have the same problem and things are finally start to get settled down. One of the problems that you will find is that your husband wants to be the good parent in a divorced family that means he wants to be her friend. What your step-daughter needs is for him to be her parent.

Answer 10

Its not about sending her back to mom, its about dad realizing he is the adult and she is the child, and you are the adult also in her life you married into it and if shes living with you disipline her. She is doing this to see what daddy with do when you cracks the whip. when he puts his foot down and she still refuses call the police and they will put her in a place she wont want to be. and dont fight with her causing a pushing match that wont help

just tell her its either we work together as a team or you go back to moms and if she doesn't want that then let her spread her wings and think about it

its your house your rules and even if you are a stepmom you have to be the adult 2

but tell your husband to get some balls about hisself and grow up and be a dad not her friend (cause who would want a 30 + old friend if your 13+)

Answer 11

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