Difficult Child Support Question?

Question

I have a rather difficult question that I really need help with.

I have 3 children that I am obligated to pay support for. I am between jobs, getting ready to start another one. I had been doing fine paying support consistently for 7 months or better. I am behind on all of them due to a bout with the law that put me in jail for a year (unrelated).

I live in Indiana, only one child lives in the same state as me. One lives in Ohio and another in Missouri. I have met my son in Ohio once, never met my daughter, only have pictures. My son's mom got married while pregnant and has been with him ever since (almost 9 years). Daughter in Missouri's mom had been married, divorced and since re-engaged.

I feel that it is important to help care for your kids. However, it is also important to SEE them too. I probably never will due to lack of vehicle...should I terminate my rights, pay the arrearage since I will never have a life with them? What rights do I have to avoid jail?

My third child lives in my city, and I can support her. Visitation may be an issue, but I am not factoring her in this at all.

I would rather avoid termination, but would also like to avoid jail since this state loves to put you away even if you have a sensitive situation.

Answer 1

some of the answers have valid points, the one that you have not maid is if the children are truely yours, this can be tested, It may be difficult to think they are not yours. but you must be sure. as to visitation she must be willing to meet you half way, its the law. as to your inability to pay, you can request that the amounts be adjusted due to your change/loss of income. and third, On a personal note, I find it difficult to swallow that when it comes to children a woman can terminate that child before birth without the father having any legal right to choose to keep the child, yet the mother gets rewarded child support even after she starts another relationship, and can move away making the father and children suffer. the laws need to change. the men never count when it comes to children, the law should require that if the mother chooses to move out of the town where the couple resided together, she should be responsilbe for all cost involved in transportation for the child to visit the father or loose any monitary contribution from the father if she chose to move away.

Answer 2

Well I have read your story and feel that you droped the ball a long time ago, you stated that you have been paying child support consitently for 7 months what happen to the other 8yrs and 5 months and have you been with out transportation and a job for that long? You were never really concerned about your kids just how to avoid going to jail for non-support and I come up with this conclusion by the fact is that you can only count for 7months of support. As far as the kids go they really dont know you, kids dont know about child support or they should not know about that all they know about is the father and mother the people that are in there lives on a regular basis either by phone, email, letters. So you should keep it real you have not felt like a father and you dont want some outside agency tell you to pay for the care of kids you dont care about and that is the bottom line. Now for someone that made the comment that you don't have to pay child support for kids if you are not married to them, need to do some more research on how kids are made not just by married people it only takes a egg and sperm not a marriage lincense, and also men get this straight child support is for the care of the child it does not state that if the mother gets married the father of that child does not have to pay support what you problably are thinking about would be spousal support so get it straight. And the laws may seem unfair to men because until the laws were created me could make the babies and just get up and walk a way and start there life over and the woman automatically keep the kids and some would be taken care of by the state, so because of all of that you have child support,

Answer 3

Firstly, even if you sever your rights you can still be made to pay support on the children. I know this from personal experience with an extremely abusive ex. Secondly, you do have as much a right to see these children as the mothers, as well as access to school and medical records, teachers, therapists, whatever. Being behind on your payments, I would suggest to you get a job (or two) to hold you over until that dream job comes along. Fast food may only pay minimum wage, but it does pay. Most likely, the Child Support Enforcement Agency in the mothers' areas will track you down and start taking the payments directly out of your checks. The great part about that is they can't take your whole check. My current husband is in the same sort of boat. Has kids from several mothers.... etc. That is how his payments are made.

Answer 4

You are in a most difficult situation. It is admirable that you are trying to do the right thing, it what seems like an almost impossible situation. First, you most likely lack the money to truly litigate the issues properly. Second, due to distance and lack of money you will not be able to develop a proper relationship with your children as they deserve or you would like. However, this situation has been caused by both the mother's and your irresponsibility when having intercourse. In reality, having 3 children by 3 different woman can only be characterized that way. And just so this doesn't seem like an attack on men, I would have the same comment to a woman who has 3 children by 3 different men.

With that said, if you lack the money to hire an attorney, which would be costly because unless you find a lawyer licensed to practice law both in Ohio and Missouri -- you will have to find 2 different lawyers. (And if there are issues to be renegotiated in Indiana, then you'd have to find yet another lawyer licensed in that state). Paying for one attorney is costly enough, let alone paying for 3.

You have to go about this methodically, modifying child support must take place in the state where the child resides, & since you mention only really wanting to change the child support for your kids in Ohio and Missouri, you'd have to tackle one state at a time. I would try to see in which state it is more feasible (and perhaps to some extent would depend on which ex-spouse/girlfriend is more amenable to working with you in modifying child support) and start there.

You are right, just as it is your obligation to pay child support, it is also your right to visit your children. If you are being prohibited from seeing your children by their mom, when you go back to court to ask for a modified child support amount, you can also ask for a change in visitation and to have the Court order the moms to allow you to see your children. BUT, if they are not prohibiting you, it is merely due to your own lack of funds that you cannot travel to see them, the Court is powerless to enter any order making it easier for you to see them.

Sure, it would be nice if the moms met you 1/2 way to help you see your kids. I would because I would want my child to develop a relationship with her father. That would be of utmost importance to me. I would even drive 1/2 way there, or make some arrangements to split the costs with my ex-boyfriend or ex-spouse. But, either the moms do not have such a generous spirit, or some where along the way you may have set a "trap" for yourself, but not acting well with them and now resentment has built up and they are unwilling to help you out.

If that is the case, you may be best served with making some headway with the moms to rebuild at least some small level of comraderie again to show them you are a man who they would be pleased their child know as their father.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Oh boy Toast, what a mess! Are you certain that all of these children are yours? You need to know for sure. I know that this is late but, why do you make such bad choices for your life like impregnating three women who you were not married to? If these children are yours, you need to step up to the plate and help support them and know them. It's easy to make a baby but not easy to raise them. As you well know now. It is definitely your job to have and keep employment even if it takes two or three jobs to support these children. You have no right to do what ever caused you to be incarcerated. Grow up. You definitely need a new lifestyle plan. Do you understand this?

Ebb, after my post made some really good points about the father lacking rights.

Answer 6

Even if you do terminate your rights, you still have to pay child support for them unless they are adopted. I agree that you should be able to see them. Apparently, at one point, you were with the mothers so how did you see them then?? If you do not have transportation of your own, there is public transportation as well being able to rent a car. Also, you can force the mothers of your children to meet you half way to help you out. Have you tried to get your child support lowered due to you not being able to see them? You should contact an attoreny or the child support office for your complete list of options b/c the mothers has to let you see your children.

Answer 7

Did you ever think about writing letters, phone calls, email? Lots of kids live far away from one parent and yet they make it work. Not to sound rude but you have time to get online but no time to figure out other solutions to see your kids? You need to get your priorities straight. Get a job, save for a car or a bus ticket or a train ticket and go see your children. If you have no children at home, get 2 or 3 jobs. Parents with children at home do it so there's no excuse why you can't. You helped make these children so you need to put their best interests first and become a bigger part in their lives. You'll regret it if you don't. And it'll be no one's fault but your own. Make it work!

Answer 8

I would say it would be in your best interest to talk to a lawyer. You might try looking for a low/no cost legal group in your town. I live in Indiana and depending on where you are there should be a few around you.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like your a pathetic excuse for a father...unfortunately, your not rare. There are ALOT of deadbeat fathers out there who think their goal is too populate the world with their illegimate offspring...I mean who cares...let the taxpayers support them.

Worthless piece of...

Answer 10

Legalally you donot have to pay child support if you werent married to those women.