If you were mad at you boyfirend or girlfriend, what would you say to them?

Question

do you name call the person or do you just ignore the person?

Answer 1

Before I married, my bride-to-be, was angry at me for treating her differently when my friends came around. So, one day, she came by my house, and she told me that she was hurt by it because it made her feel like she intruded on my life rather than being a positive aspect of my life. She also said that that all she wanted to be in respect to me was someone good for me. I thought about it for a few seconds, and in those few seconds, I realized whatever my words were going to be they should be at least as honest as I could make them in return for her own honesty. You can imagine perhaps how much was flooding into my consciousness about why I treated her this way when friends came to the house, and why for instance, they could come to the house unannounced but she couldn't. I knew I had made that perfectly clear to her early on in the relationship. But, I had not realized this to be truth. In those few seconds I began to see many things that were going on unconcsiously. And, on top of that, I realized that I was that way because I was afraid of letting the relationship grow outside my control. I wanted the relationship to grow but I did not want to be responsible for someone else's feelings about it, including my own.

When I knew this was the truth, in those tiny units of time we call seconds, I knew I was going to show her how limited I was as a human being if I told her the truth, but I decided instantly that that was just what I was going to do. It would stop right here and now, or it could go on as before. So, I looked at her with steely cold eyes, and said clearly and distinctly, "Yes, I realize I do treat you differently than I treat others, and I am sorry for it, but that is the best I can do right now in my life, the way my life is going.

I did not know how she would answer such a thing, but when she answered me, it changed everything for me. She said, "Well, I just needed to know that you know it's unfair. I can understand at least where you are coming from, and I just wanted you to know where I was coming from. I appreciate your honesty." And, she turned around and got in her car. And, I remember to this day twenty five years later, thinking, "Oh, God, I did not expect that answer." The tail lights on her Nissan Sentra fading into the evening sunset, "She was as honest as I was honest." What was I going to do with that?! I had never had someone in my life who was so truthful about my limits as well as their own. She had just shown me that her love for me was very powerful, powerful enough to withstand my unfairness toward her. Her love for me surrounded my love for her with its limitedness. I knew instantly that I was in trouble with this woman. Her truth was, and still is, a mighty truth. She was not trying to change me. She was trying to understand me. No one in my life has struggled for so long and so hard to try to understand what cannot be understood. Yet, she was willing to do that because she loves me. I cannot ask for a better friend than that in this world of madness we live in where society believes it is God and all powerful in its efforts to make mindless robots of the individual human being. Now, you can imagine how my grasp for love grew that day, in that moment, in that instant when she made me know that it was alright for me to be imperfect, limited, not God, but merely a mortal in the same kind of pain she was in, surrounded by a society that believes making rules and laws to limit peoples' behavior is the same thing as changing them.

Society, and its rules and laws, its schools, its standardized curriculum, can never change me the way my wife changed me in that one small moment when she threw all the rules of behavior out the window from which my soul watches the world collapse in its own arrogance, and told me the truth about her and me.

I have never forgotten that moment in my life, never. I will die remembering how change happens to people in the most odd of moments, how curiously it taps us with its fingers gently, nudging timidly at us trying to get our attention through the fog of socialization. All I know is that no society is as strong as the love of a man and a woman or any combination you can imagine. All ya gotta do is be willing to listen, to hear what I call the meanings behind the meanings of the words people utter. Words carry us all the way to action when we know what they mean for us, and when our meanings are not carried across between us, we are left hungry for love and understanding. Society creates institutions to ensure its survival, not mine, but its survival, so that when I die, someone else takes over my job and no one skips a beat. And, that is the extent of society's interest in me as an individual. Society's institutions create standardized behavior patterns that are meant for its good, not mine, or yours. It feeds on our fears of rejection and imperfection.

Your question has society written all over it. The two proffered potential solutions you give are exactly where socialized behavior will lead you, labelling someone or ostracizing them. Do you see how society has hold of you when you let this kind of thinking limit your human responses to others? Don't let this happen to you. Use your creative mind and heart and spirit to guide your thinking to substantive answers to problems that are human problems, not social problems.

When I allowed myself the privilege to be a human being that many years ago, it guided me to a deep friendship and a consistent and substantive search for understanding, not just of myself, but of someone else who was in the same boat with me, someone as alone as me, and who needed affection and understanding just as I did. A trust was immediately established by this mutual honesty that spilled over onto both of us that day. My bride, today, tells people that she may not like my answers to her questions, but at least she knows I am honest with her. And, I am the same way when people ask me about her. She is truly my best friend in a world where having friends is so difficult it comes close to being impossible because all behavior is standardized by social rules and mores.

I am not going to be so naive, and neither should you be so naive, as to believe that this honesty will work perfectly in a reality that is ruled by chance and uncertainty, but it can and will found the nature of your and my life if we trust our human instincts more than we trust our social instincts. So, I suppose it is clear that I am saying that you should be honest with your boyfriend or girlfriend about the issues that are between you. There they are on the intellectual and spiritual table between your two minds, your two souls. Like books, they sit on the table between you. Open the pages and look for the questions in the books and then try to answer them together. The answers you come to may not be anything more than an understanding between the two of you that there is no answer, but the fact there there are now two who know this is better than knowing it alone.


I hope this helps.

utopianwizard

Answer 2

You know what, I realize that even if you tell them that your mad, or what your mad about, they may say sorry but most likely they will eventually do it again. One thing that really sucks, is that you can't change anybody. So even if you tell somebody something its like it goes in through one ear and out the other...sorry im probably just answering this out of my own frustration. Communication can sometimes be a b****... :-( :.-(

Answer 3

Depends on how mad i am. If im mildly annoyed ill calmly explain why im upset and what my bf did to make me upset. If im extremely pissed, then he doesnt have a prayer. I will just go off, name calling getting in his face, screaming.

Answer 4

I ignore the hell out of my boyfriend. What the couple should do is sit down and talk about the problems that they both have. I mean work it out if it can be worked out.

Answer 5

Ignore them because when your not mad at them later you will regret saying anything.

Answer 6

It depends on how mad I was and why I was mad. If she had cheated on me and wasn't sorry, I'd say "F*ck off, asshat". If she was nagging me to cut my hair or clean my room or something,and really got on my nerves about I'd say "just forget it, I still love you" and we'd get over it.

Answer 7

Im mad with you and your not gettin any till at least tomorrow

Answer 8

nothing. That would extend the problem and create new...unless they asked. Tell him or her how you feel. Listen to what they have to say and it'll all work out.

Answer 9

Nothing...I refuse to take his calls 'til I've calmed down or he apologises

Answer 10

You need to talk to each other. What do you think you are going to solve by ignoring each other. Talk,talk, talk.

Answer 11

be still and think wisely and act as per the madness.