My 18 yr old graduated from high school & moved in with a guy I never met who has a kid.?

Question

I finally am getting child support for her and her brother who will be 21 in a month. Their dad is thousands behind in support and will probably be paying thru garnishment until both kids are grandparents. I supported these kids by myself by working my rear end off for years after their dad split and refused to pay court ordered child support. He could support his girlfriends who never worked but not his kids. I ended up working myself nearly to death to support my kids.
I am so disappointed in my daughter, I refuse to give her money from her support payments. I have been putting it in a savings account. My daughter is refusing to get a job. I took her on a job search and I know she sabatoged the interviews. She said she flunked the application questionaire at Walmart, so they wouldn't give her a job. How can you flunk a questionaire at Walmart unless you are totally blowing it off? Foreigners who can barely speak english can pass that test.
Should I give her the money?

Answer 1

Child support is money to the parent to help raise the child, food, clothing,etc. You have fulfilled that yourself, it is payback to you during those years, not your daughter's money.

Answer 2

Your daughter will learn the hard way that she is messing her life up. Then she will turn to you for support. You can support her now by telling her you love her and that you're there for her if she needs to talk. For now though, stop trying to help her get a job. Seems like you have been trying and trying and she's not trying to listen, so someday she will and will be suffering all the consequences. As for the money from the back child support, of course that is not hers... it is YOURS. If she were in college, then you'd probably be using it help with any of those needs because you are her mother. You are not obligated to give her the money. A savings account is great. IF she should ever start to straighten up and really truly need your help, then the money is there. If you want to take a vacation with that money someday, then so be it!!!!!

Answer 3

well the child support went to support the child as they grew up but since you had to do it all on your own, thenit should go to you to pay for his part of raising the kids. you should do what you feel right in doing. Also remember though if you blow off your daughter she may resent that in the future and not have a relationship with you.

If your worried about what the money should be used for you should have a legal consultation.

Answer 4

I understand your feelings but your daughter made a choice and you should support her, maybe not financially, that is arrears support you are getting so it's yours and the dead-beat that is finally paying it should continue to pay it to YOU.
As for your daughter moving in with a guy you don't know...she's 18 and that doesn't make it easier but you need to let her make her own choices and mistakes and let her know Mom is always there, no matter what, to support and to fall back on.
Don't be disappointed, remember when you were 18???

Answer 5

Kids dont always do what we want them to do and they do back choices . I think the best thing to do is not to support her financially but if/when she realizes the mistake she has made be there for her and help her get her life pointed in the right direction. Remember , saying I told you so does nothing but cause resentment and keep her from coming to you when she needs you for fear of being judged or looking stupid. 18 may be legally an adult but she is young and hopefully she will learn from her mistakes. Just pray she doesn't get pregnant and make the mistake worse.

Answer 6

I totally agree with putting it in a savings account for her. When she finally comes around, she can use it for education.

When I first moved out after high school, it was with a loser guy and we were scraping change from the car floor to eat. My parents refused to help me with anything. I came around in about a year. Now several years later my mother is very helpful. I am married and have a family of my own. She did the right thing, as are you. Best wishes for you and your family!

Answer 7

if your daughter is refusing to get a job and better herself and has moved in with someone with a child then she needs to go to him for money not dad. child support is to reimburse those who are primary care givers of child who are minors or were minors before reaching 18 the child support money isn't hers it's yours sir give her no money

Answer 8

tuff love... keep it up...she thinks your still going to give in...well don't .she needs to learn she is an adult now time to take on the responablities of one...
I'm a 23 year old mom of a 3 year old and wife of 6 years! we have our own home and are self supportive...meanwhile my sister is 22 married has a 7 month old is 6 months pregnant and living with my parents who are filing bankrupsy because of her...when my parents loose their home my sister is planning on moving in with her husbands family!!!! it's wrong .... you've given her life and raised her for 18 years you've done your part..now step back and watch her learn the hard way!!___ go mom!!!___

Answer 9

If she isnt willing to work for her money then she shouldn't be getting any. If you give her some she will ask for it more and more and wont want to take responsibility and get a job.

Answer 10

THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP SHE IS UPSET AT BOTH PARENTS FOR SPILTTING UP SO SHE REBELS AGAINST YOU.SAVE THE MONEY FOR HER ITS JUST A MATTER OF TIME,SORRY TO SAY WHEN HE GETS ENOUGH OF HER IT WILL BE OVER AND GOING HOME LOOKS GOOD AND THEN U CAN TALK OPENLY AND GET YOUR POINT ACROSS TO HER AND SHE CAN TO THIS WILL CLEAR THE AIR FOR A NEW BEGINING AND BETTER UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN YOU TO SO GOOD LUCK LATER