Would I be a bad mother if I....?

Question

Ran off in the night with just $10,000 in travelers cheques, my credit cards, and two weeks worth of clothes and started a new life somewhere else? The doctor said the xanax would help me calm down and be able to deal with the baby better, but she still makes me crazy and I am seriously considering running away. Do you think $70,000 is enough to get you started overseas, in say Amsterdam or France or something? That's my share of my husbands and my savings account. Is it hard to find a job there? I have a degree in Early childhood education, and I have some training as a chef, but never completed the course.

Ok, womp, womp womp...I know EVERYONE here is a better mommy than me, got that OKAY!! Now, how lonng does xanax take to work? Mine must be a placebo. Well, I got some packing to do. No time for idle chit chat.

HELLO DUMBASSES...the kids I TEACH go home at the end of the day. DING DING DING@!!!

Oh, everyone cares so much about the little demon child that may as well be Damien, but everyone is so quick to condemn me. Gosh, I'm tired of being judged for my feelings.

Fine.. I'll say it I HATE THE WHINY LITTLE TWIT....there, now hate me even more. Bitches. Gee eiz. My life sucks balls.

GET THE FUCKOUTTA HERE, LIKE I'D LET YOUR RETARDED *** ADOPT MY KID. YOU DUMB BROAD. GET YOUR OWN CROTCHCRITTER.

Answer 1

you are a crazy phyco [but i'm sure you get that a lot] and please do run away. Your baby will be MUCH happier w/out you. Leave country to cuz all your doing is causing problems. Give your baby to someone who cares for it and leave!!! Nobody wants you here!

Answer 2

It is normal to have post pardon depression and feel over whelmed. But I don't think running away is going to solve your problem. You may want to talk to your doctor and let him know that the medicine is not working. Also you need to talk to your husband and let him know what you are going through. Maybe what you need is some time away like a girls day out with some friends that will understand what you are going through and can sympathies with you. You will feel an overwhelming amount of guilt if you run away leaving a new baby and your husband. You will miss them both once your hormones get under control.
Please seek medical attention immediately if you have any kind of suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming your baby don't feel ashamed it is something that some people go through. It is how you deal with your thoughts that is important. Good luck to you and don't run away yet. You will need that money to run away when your baby is a teenager driving you crazy. LOL then you and your husband can run away together on a cruise or something.


I am not judging you and I have read some of your other questions just to see how genuine you really are and I would say that this is something you have been going through for a while. I would hope that your husband has noticed your feelings and is willing to help. I also say the sad story about your child hood and it really is no wonder you are having such a hard time raising your child since your mother didn't give you a real good example to follow and I am sure you have some of your own abandonment issues you need to work on with your own mother. You know first hand how it felt to be abandoned so I would hope that you think your decision through before making any rash decisions.
As I said before good luck and hang in there it is hard but so worth it in the end. You may feel like your child is a demon child right now but when that baby says "Mommy" for the first time or starts laughing and doing silly things you will then realize that all the crap you went through was worth it.

Please email me if you need someone that has gone through this to talk to I did not have the money to run away and I am a single mother or I might have at one point in time. I love my children and always have but I needed some me time which I still struggle to get and I think that anyone that is saying mean things that don't even have kids are really wrong. What you are going through is an illness that can not be controlled on your own. PLEASE just think about what you are doing before you do it.

Answer 3

You might need to go check yourself in for a few days at a local hospital if you are faced with running away from your child. We all go through periods of feeling like we cant deal with life, but abandoning your responsibility should not be an option.

First of all breathe and think about what you are saying. Call your doctor if the meds are not helping, it will not start over night. You may be manic and need something more than just xanax or a stronger dose. You need to be in contact with your doctor and in a stronger more aggressive treatment.

Hypothetically if you did run away internationally you would have to have the right Visa's and it takes time to even get permission to work in another country and you would have to know the native language fluently.

Good luck and I hope you make the right choices for your family and not a selfish one for yourself. Post Pardum Depression is real and it sounds like you are there. You need to use your resources to get help, you wont be judged, but you need to seriously consider what you are saying and realize you have a family.

Any medication takes 2 weeks to get the full effect. Xanax is only temperary like the other person said. If you are to the point of packing get to the ER. No joke. Go straight to the Emergency Room and check yourself in somewhere. You need a safe place to rehab.

The other suggestion of hiring a nanny is good. If you have enough money to run away, then you can afford to hire some help to try to eleviate some of the stress.

Answer 4

Not everyone is cut out for this...I am glad you can be honest about your feelings and your failures. You are a bad mother if you leave your child unattended and alone but you are not a bad mother if you just can't be a mother...

Xanax isn't a miracle drug and if you need it to cope or deal then you should have some time alone, honestly. I don't want you to fly to France, just get a hotel room, let your husband take care of the baby and stay on your medication. If you don't ever want to go back, then don't but give it some time and distance.

Look I'm not supporting a mother abandoning her child, I am hoping that your feelings and depression don't cause you to do something EVERYONE will regret. If your feelings are honest and true and not the result of depression then the baby deserves better, so pack your bags and tell your husband this is too much.

Let's be realistic...it doesn't get easier...

Answer 5

I think if this is how you are feeling then you need to go back to your doctor and discuss this with him further and discuss other options than tablets. You also need to talk to your husband about how you are feeling and get his support more, as well as your family.

You are not alone in feeling this way, but there is more help the doctor can give you other than tablets. You don't need tablets, you need a good support network. I hope you get it soon, please speak to someone about your post natal depression.

I have just read back some of the answers. All those slagging this person off. Can't you see this is a cry for help?? This woman wouldn't seriousley run away from it all, she just need help and support, not for people to judge her current mindset. Please think before you reply to this question!

Back again. I've just been taking a look at some of your other questions. You have been very down for a long time haven't you sweetheart? Please try and take some deep breaths and calm down. Is there anyone that can come and take the baby for a little while while you take a breather? I wish I was there, you sound like you need a big hug. I hope you talk to someone very soon. I'll be thinking of you. Hey, I felt the same when my twins were 6 months old, I've been there.

Take care xxxxxx

Answer 6

the feeling your having believe it or not are pretty much normal. it's called post pardom depression. i can say i know how you feel, I've been there my self a time or 2. i have 5 kids and been pregnant 8 times. so if anyone knows what your going through i surly do.the thing i found to do which helped me through it all was find someone who knows you and that you can sit and talk to about anything and everything. spend a few hours a day with this person if possible with your baby. just talking or hanging out. another good meds is Prozac or lexapro. I'm on lexapro that's how i know. i made it threw the hard tI'mes I'm sure you will too. i know have a 14 13 7 6 and 4 year old. if you need any more help you can always email me im here for you if you have no one else or just need a friend.

Answer 7

Once you abandon a child, it is really, really hard to get any parental rights, let alone custody. I should know. I am going through a custody case and I do not have custody of my son. But I did not abandon him. I just had post partum depression. My therapist called Childrens Protective Services and they determined due to the possible dangers and the nature of Post partum depression that my child be taken out of my custody and that I only get supervised visitation. He is now 5 and it has been very costly in court and we have just gotten nowhere.

Odds are things would be worse for you. Your hubby/boyfriend could bring up all kinds of stuff about psychiatric history and the need to take Zanax and have your parental rights severed. You have to consider that once you do something like this, it is very, very hard to undo. Your child is only a baby right now and from the sounds of it, I think he/she is your first one. You really should talk to a therapist about it and get some help because I'm sure as time passes, you will deeply regret what you have done and you will want so badly to turn back the clock and be with your child again and find that you cannot. You think things are bad now? Your "solution" to your problem will only make things much more worse and when your child is older, how will you be able to prove to him/her that you love him when all you did was run away? You will have guilt and shame beyond measure and it will be a hell on earth every day inside you that you will not be able to escape. Trust me. I know because I have been blaming myself for years, thinking that somehow I could have done something to prevent it. You are just digging your own grave.

How could you ask if you would be a bad mother? Think about it realistically. Of course you would and imagine how your child would see you in years to come.

Answer 8

I think you just answered your own question calling your baby a demon child that might as well be Damien? You already know the kind of mother you are. Why would you ask if you're being a bad mother and then say these things. And why would you not expect to be judged if you're saying things like that on Yahoo Answers! You're probably better off leaving at least the baby has a chance of finding some love with an adoptive family!

Answer 9

It wouldn't make you a "bad mother" but it would be devastating for your baby and husband. When I was a year and a half old, my father took off. He said he was going to Atlantic City for the day... and he never came back. We never saw or heard from him since then. It's had a huge (negative) impact on my life. Running away won't solve anything. It will just make things worse in the long run.

I can understand how you feel though about wanting to get away. Maybe something you could do is go on vacation for a few weeks. Or even check yourself into a hospital. They really aren't bad, and it would be a break from the "real world"

I hope that you will seriously think about the consequences of your actions before you split.

Answer 10

There has to be something less extreme than this. Yes, you would be doing a very bad thing, that your husband may never forgive you for, nor your child when older. You are temporarily mentally sick. Get treated, spend some of that money on help at home to ease your stress. Reach out to your mother, sisters, brothers, and any in-laws. Talk to your hubby. Have a session with him and the doctor to let him be aware of your state. Hopefully, this is a psychotherapist not your dentist prescribing Xanax. You need more medication. Xanax treats temporary anxiety not depression long-term..

Answer 11

Sounds like you have post partum depression. Also a change of lifestyle is probaly giving you the extra anxiety about the baby. It is not that you are a bad mother but it is that when post partum happens all these feelings come up like a sea of emotion and you don't know what it is. Also ask your doctor to check your thyroid levels. Pregnancy sometimes makes the thyroid go nuts and your behavior as well. My sister in law went through the same thing and it turned out to be her thyroid. If you feel any type of erge to hurt the baby go directly into a hospital and check your self in. Post Patrtum is a very dangerous condition if not treated and out of control for the woman and must be taken seriously