Should I have a Baby?

Question

I want a baby!!! Im almost 30 and my clock is ticking. I have a 8yr old and he needs a sibling. I a single parent and also an only child, I do not want my child to be an only child. I have a career and no husband or prospects. Im tired of wating for the right guy especially when my chances of conceiving decreases. I am currently caring for my sick mother and i dont know whats going to happen with her. I couldnt deal with her not being around to se all of her grandchildren. I have two possible guys. They will be play their part in the baby's life and if not Im willing to do it on my own. I dont want my child to have to deal with what Im dealing with my mother, someday with me alone. I would love to have a husband and do it the "correct" way but my time is running out and I have to have another child that came from me.

Answer 1

You are under immense stress caring for and supporting a child and an ageing parent all by yourself. Many young women feel that "time is running out" when they approach the age of 30. Your feelings are increased because you are under an abnormal amount of stress. It is natural to fear the big 30 but believe me, life does go on after 30. You still have plenty of time to have a baby.

Let's analyze your situation. Right now you are a single mother with a job, one child, and an ailing mother. I cannot imagine that you have much time to pamper yourself with a good book or a bubble bath, much less socialize and meet Mister Right. I certainly cannot imagine that you have time to devote to nurturing a relationship with Mr. Right. A pregnancy, and later newborn, will only complicate your life at this point. You have had 8 years to forget how exhaustive a newborn can be!

I know you want your son to have a sibling, and I understand your motivation. You want what's best for your son. However, I fear that a new baby at this time in your life will cause you to spend less time with the son you already have. He may resent you and the sibling under those conditions. What we THINK is best is not always so.

I think you should wait awhile before you make the decision to have another child. Your mother's health may improve. You might meet Mr. Right and have a family. Who knows? Mr. Right might come packaged with a child your son's age.

Medicine has made many advances in recent years, and there is no reason for you to fear 30 in terms of childbirth. Give it some time. Give YOURSELF some time. Right now you are SUPERmom and SUPERdaughter. You need to give yourself a break and do what is best for yourself at some point.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

Obviously you should do what feels right to you BUT you should probably think more in depth about the circumstances and the consequences you could be facing. Giving a child a family is very important as you know you have not been able to give your 8 yr old the "ideal" family. Though a child can still be happy do you really want to start off without the stability of a "whole family"

You should also consider that these other guys might change their minds later and want to have a relationship with the child that you don't want to share. Time changes people and you never know who there companion will be in the future and how they feel about it. I wouldn't do this with someone I know for sure. You don't want to have to go through a ugly custody battle later even in 10-15 years, when the father wants this child to know his other children or something like that. Also if you are having to care for your mother is it a good time to do this, and how would this effect her. I think you should just keep looking for that special guy and try to do things that would benefit all of you 30 isn't that old. You should atleast give it a few more years. There are alot of lonely men out there that feel the same way. And remember your mom will always be able to see her grandchildren

good luck- from a single mom who has struggled to take care of 3 children on her own and has watched them struggle in so many ways because of the lack of a complete family- it really does effect them more than you know

Answer 3

As long as you are emotionally and financially able to do this, I say go for it. However, I would visit a sperm back or adopt. What if you and one of your two possible guys have a huge falling out and you wind up in court fighting for custody of the baby? That would be very hard on you. Or you could get him to sign paperwork PRIOR to conception regarding the visitation and custody arrangements. I am in no way saying not to let the father have any contact. I just want you to be aware that when there is another parent involved he has rights and may exercise those rights in excess of what you may want. He could even decide that he wants full custody at some point. You need to be prepared ahead of time. You might consider talking to an attorney. If you cannot afford a sperm bank, maybe the father could sign the same type of paperwork as he would at a sperm bank. Then you you would be in control of the relationship and he would have all the rights to the child that you are comfortable with and none that you are not. Think long and hard about all the possible outcomes. And I would definitely talk to an attorney. Good luck whatever route you choose. My thoughts and prayer go out to your mother.

Answer 4

I don't wish to sound insensitive, but a logical analysis tempered with your emotional feelings, would be the best way to proceed. Ask yourself these questions: 1: Do I want a baby? The answer is obviously "yes" in your case; 2: Can I bear the financial burden of having a child? 3: Do I have any debilitating genetic issues that could be passed down? 4: Do my prospective fathers have any debilitating issues that could be passed down, or common traits such as sickle cell trait or the trait for hemophilia? 5: Do I have the time to spend with another baby and take care of it? 6: Do I and the child's potential fathers have I.Q. of at least 105? 7: Will my mother have a problem with my having a child at this time? 8: Do I live in a place there will be a severe social stigma by having a child while not married, such as rural lower Alabama or Mississippi? 9: Has it been more than five years since the previous child? Once again, your answer is "yes" to this one; and, finally, 10: Why am I asking all these questions when I've already decided to have a child and just don't have the self-confidence to think I might be right?

And, in conclusion, eugenics is just being picky about who you sleep with.

Answer 5

If you want a baby juz because you want somebody to takecare of you when you get old then forget it... Baby is not maid, baby need cares, need money to buy milk power and all sorf of thing and need love.

Even though you only have a boy and he is lonely, but if now u have a baby, and after you give birth to that baby already, your son should be around 9yr old. And when the baby is old enough to walk and to play those kids stuff, your 1st child is already 13pluz to 16pluz yr old, i believe the age is too far, and in the end, your second child will be lonely.

Maybe you need somebody to love, but juz because you need one now, it doesn't mean that you will find a good one. If you found one but it didn't came out as you expect... Then what is the choice of finding.

Is good that you think for your child, but what about the part whereby having a dad? Some single parent's kids doesn't like their parent to get marry again, or they do wanna give you comment about guys that you chose...

Do discuss with your child, in that way then your relationship between your son will be more closer.

Answer 6

As you know , having a baby is a lot of work and can be very stressful . Add to that doing it alone and caring for an ailing parent and you may find it to be too much. As for your clock ticking , come on you are only almost 30. The chances of conception or difficulties with pregnancy don't increase for 5 more years. Who is to say that you won't meet the person you want to marry and have children with in the next 5 years? What if you have a baby and then meet someone and he wants to have children of his own? Maybe at that point more children wont be feasible or it's too soon after number 2. No one knows the future.
As for your mom not having known her grandchild.....sadly that happens sometimes . My daughter was born 3 months after my father in law died. My sister was born 4 years after my grand parents died . It is sad when you think about it but I think they were in heaven somewhere looking down on them.

Answer 7

I think for the most part, you need to be in a serious relationship with someone. At least you know the baby will have a father figure. If you can start seeing someone exclusively and put the time into that relationship, that would be better all around. '
I don't know why it took you so long (eight years) to figure out you wanted another one. Maybe you should have had another one as soon as you got the opportunity. If you didn't have any other opportunities except for that one eight years ago, you should have invested some time into finding another man while you were still young. Do you have anyone to watch your kid so you can go out and socialize?
I don't think you will be able to all of a sudden up and want another kid with no potential father around who loves you unless you go get invirtro from a sperm donor and that will cost lots of $$$$.

Answer 8

If you are financially sound then I say go for it with the men you spoke with or go to a sperm bank. Just dont make a hasty decision because you are in a state of nervousness about losing your mother. Could this desperation be a part of that fear? Make sure you lavish your 8yr old with lots of love and have a good set of boundaries. There is also the adoption option. There are many many kids needing someone to love them too. Have you thought of that option? Have you thought of fostering a child? Not only will you get financial help you will be helping a child in desperate need of a good stable home.

Answer 9

i still think a baby should be born with a mother and a father. your child may be okey not having a father around the house but somehow at the back of his mind, he feels something is missing and that is something you can not give him.

Having another baby is repeating another mistake of not being able to give completeness to your first child.

Why not aspire to have a family in the truest sense of the word. a mother, a father, and children. Find yourself a man whom you can able to love and be loved by this person and work on having a baby afterwards. A child should be born out of love and not of necessity.

Don't mind the clock. let it tick and tick. i believe there is always a right time for everything

Answer 10

Just because you're "willing to do it on your own" doesn't mean that a child is. It takes two people to make a child because it takes two people to raise one. You sound like haveing another child is a good way to get a playmate for the one you have and also that this is all about you and what you want. Are you not thinking of the child's needs? He/She might like to have a father. They also might find it nice to be born into a family that they don't have to be the last chance for a happy life. A child has a right to be who they are and not your "fix it" tool.