please help me, im at loss at what to do with my life? need advice soon!?

Question

im 16, i fell in love with a guy at 15 and we have been seeing each other for over a year and a half, but i am being forced to keep this quiet from my parents because they hate him, (even hate is too mild a word for what they feel for him. they dont like him because they believe that he did something that he did not, (cant go into the details) i believe that im not doing anything wrong because i dont choose who i fall in love with, and all im asking is to be with him, because i believe we have a future. my parents have tried everything to keep me away from him (taking away mobile, email, grounding me for a year, no msn etc, they even kept me at home so i didnt see him at school so i jumped out the window and tried to take a bus to school, my dad stopped the bus) its so painful for me to stay away from him. my parents spy on me at school getting people at school to follow me and report back to my parents about me and this boy, should i move out, i feel trapped, i hate the mind games.

also if my parents have told me if i said that i am seeing this guy then id have to leave because i am not respecting them by going out with him and it is their house and in their house what says goes and thats it and if i dont like it then i have to get out.
his parents like me and say that we should see each other.
my parents always tell me that he is cheating on me, even though i know for a fact that is untrue. why do they spread lies like that?
at 16 i believe that i can make my own choices and i think to learn i need to make mistakes and have expereinces and if this is a mistake seing him then i should find out myself and then learn from it.
am i right?
i can see my parents point of view but i think they are acting on it wrongly.
i have tried a compromise and talking - nothing works.
now they are telling me that i cant go to the school of my choice because he is going there. moving schools is the wrong thing for me i think because its disrupting my life.
help me>

Answer 1

When you are 16 things get a little crazy. It has been a while for me personally but my two kids have passed through this age too and I am pretty knowledgeable on it. First question is why do they "hate him"? Can this be changed-you need to talk with your parents about this because you need to know. Even though they are your parents, as adults, we sometimes see different things in people than when we were in our teen years. I have personally have travelled quite a bit and experienced a lot since the age of 16. I have met many different cultures of people from all over the world. I feel, like your that parents may just be seeing something different than you do- as adults will. You want to open up better communications and find out why both of them feel the way they do. Please remember that they, too, were once 16 and that is a pretty crazy time in any ones life! But talking things out and trying to see some things from a different view may make you feel that in this case you can trust their judgment. I am not saying that they are totally right or totally wrong either-- you just need to talk about this more with them and find out why they feel so strongly about him. Moving out would be a recklass decision that would be regretted in the future. Communication is the most valuable tool here!

Answer 2

Just do what they say. What mind games? Sounds to me like you just don't want to mind. Has minding your parents become unpopular for some reason. I wonder why? Could it be this new guy? If he participates in you deceiving your parents then you already have the answer. There is no use trying to tell you this guy is wrong for you because you have chose to deny the truth. You keep going the way you are now and you will lose. Ask your parents forgiveness and maybe you can win back some of their trust. This will take some time because the damage has already been done. You have already chose to do what they have asked you not to. Why do you even bother to ask our opinions on this matter? What difference will it make if you don't even respect your own parents opinion. You believe you have the answer. You are trapped because you are not of legal age to make the decisions for yourself so you might as well get used to it. You can mind your parents or mind the state. When you get of legal age it is your decision. It doesn't matter if this guy has been falsely accused. Your parents gave you a rule and you should follow. There are ways to avoid these problems. No you shouldn't move out but you should have to learn some manners and to be appreciative of your parents.

Answer 3

Hi,
I know how you feel... Most people all go through this type of situation to some degree. No matter how you feel, please keep in mind that you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. I know how that sounds in your head, I resented hearing that when I was your age. But now I am 28 and when I reflect on my teenage years, I really feel that I grew up way too fast.

Think of it this way, if he really feels the same way about you, let him prove it. If the two of you really were destined to have a future together, nothing can stop that. So concentrate on school and please your parents a little bit. Slow the relationship down until you are done with high school. Then move out and give him a chance. Keep that faith in your heart and whatever happens you will know that you did your best and everything worked out the way it should had.

I know that is not easy to do, but do you really think that you can make it through life on love alone? Everyone has to make compromises between doing what they want and what they must. That's just a simple fact of life. Hope this helps...

Answer 4

After reading your statement, I doubt that the details you can't go into are the only reason you parents don't like this guy.

First how old is he? If he's older than 17, he's too old for you now. If that's true break up immediately, he's just using you.

Second, your 16 and whatever this guy means to you it's almost 100% sure bet that you won't be with him years from now anyway.

When you look back at this time I hope it's not in regret. Moving out will only make things worse and complicate your life.

Answer 5

Though they are your parents so unless you get emancipated you must follow their rules. I am not saying stop seeing your boyfriend but I definitely wouldn't let them know that the relationship is still active. So for now just keep it on the down low. I do think your parents are over reacting having people follow you and spy on you I would try to talk with your family see if you can figure something out that can make them have trust in you.
P.S. Does his parents like you? Maybe you can move in over there?

Answer 6

The four of you should sit down and have a talk. Tell your parents to give the both of you ONE chance. You and this guy need to build your trust with your parents. Then don't mess up. It will show your parents that guy is trustworthy, because your parents only want the best for you, they don't want you to get hurt or into trouble. Communication is everything. If you're seeing this guy behind your parents back, they will start worrying about you. Be open with ur parents.

Answer 7

i know u don't want 2 hear this but u have your whole life ahead of u, and trust me when i tell u there will b other guys in your life if it doesn't work out with him, i know u feel the whole world on your shoulders, u feel eveyone is against u, u feel u can't go on without him, i been through this several times, not in the exact way that your going through but the pain is just as equal, if u love something let it go, if it comes back 2 u it it's yours if it doesn't it never was, theres nothing i or anyone can say 2 make u feel better, i wish the best of luck sweety, b strong, the rain will settle and the sun will shine.

Answer 8

Unfortunately no one can tell you that your love for him is not genuine the worse pat of this is that you have not had enough experience with life to KNOW whether or not it is real yourself because at 16 i can honestly say everything seems to be so major of a big deal and love seems so grand but about 95% of the time I'd say in five to ten years you will view not only this situation but the vast majority of things differently, because believe it or not age DOES bring wisdom. Especially if you seek it and absorb it. this goes for both book learning and lifes experiences.

Answer 9

When I was your age my parents were the same, very controlling. They banned me from boyfriends, going out, everything. So i left school, got a job- moved out. The boyfriend and i broke up.
I got a good job, moved to the other side of the country, and now i cant remember his name. I cant understand why i was so upset and hated my parents so much.
Its just a waste of time. You will move on, you are young....if you do think hes the one, just give it time. If he's worth it, he will wait.
Don't move out, your parents love you, and 9 times out of10, longer than your boyfriend.

Answer 10

if you feel reasy to give up your future for a guy then move out. you've got so much time to get someone else who'll be in love with you and make you fell like that again. it's just a matter of seing what good for you.