how to get rid of daughters boyfriend?

Question

my daughter is 16, a good student at a good school, cute and very active in sports. my daughters new boyfriend is 17, a poor student at a poor school, comes from a broken home, lives with an aunt who works long hours in a low end resturant and never watches this boy. he has already lost his license for an "unknown" reason and hangs out with some ratty trouble making kids. My daughter is on such a good path i hate to see her loose it all now. i want her to be happy but not with a kid that has so much stacked against him already. at this point she doesn't really date but sees him several days a week at a pool where she lifeguards. she has been to a movie or two with him. I put a stop to him calling late at nite but now he calls on her cell phoneseveral times a day and night.
i have met this boy and he shows little to no respect , verry cocky and somewhat of a smartass. what is a dad to do??

Answer 1

She's going to end up pregnant and he's going to leave her. Oh and if she's says she's not having sex...don't be foolish, what 16 yr old girl is going to admit that to her parents?

First get rid of her cell phone. Put the girl in counseling...so she's a good student...this perfect image but is going for a big time looser...that's not what "smart girls" do, something's not right upstairs and she needs help.

I'd put a tight noose around her, take away her privileges...UNTIL she is seen progressing with a psychologist. Why? Because she will use her friends to sneak off and see him.

Trust me, even if this bad one dumps her and gets away...she just may find another bigger looser!

You need to stop looking at your daughter as a good perfect girl and this bad wolf has came along, apparently she has some problems of her own.

Answer 2

The boy may just be cocky because he knows you don't like him. Its called a self fulfilling prophecy. He's done nothing for you to give him such a big label, and because he can't prove otherwise, he might as well give into the label you've given him.

Just because he comes from a broken home, etc etc, does not make him any worse of a person, or any less human than you. He's obviously working as much as he can in the only job he can get. Surely that shows some sort of desperation. There may be a really good reason that he lives with an aunt, how do you know?

Just give him a chance. Your daughter and her boyfriend will respect you so much more for it. Just look at it like this, if you tell your daughter she cant see this boy anymore, what are the chances shes actually going to listen to you if shes that keen on him? Shes more likely to rebel against your will, leading to lies and further disrespect from your daughter. (Not because her boyfriend's attitude has rubbed off on her) but because you're not giving her any freedom at all, and not letting her experience things for herself.

You know already they're going to get round it. You stopped him calling the home phone, so he just calls her cell instead? You're really not going to stop it, so just accept it and give him a reason to respect you and your daughter.

I'm sure your daughter respects herself if she is active in sports and good in school, with all that will power etc, and so she wont let this boy bring her down, all thats best to do is GUIDE and SUPPORT her.

I could go on forever. Just loosen up =)

Answer 3

A dad is to give his daughter a little respect and a little leeway. The worst thing you can do is try to break them up. Your daughter has a good head on your shoulders and if you don't mind me saying, you're not cutting this guy a break at all. His ********* could be awkwardness, or nervousness because he's "out of his league" I would hate to think that my son would be judged on what I do for a living (I sell insurance, so parents might be afraid he would bore their daughters to death!) Cut the guy some slack (as long as you feel you're daughter is safe!) and believe me, nothing ends a romance for a girl much faster then the seal of approval from Dad.

Answer 4

As a father there is a lot you can do. The main thing is sit her down and talk to her like an adult. In a few years she will be out on her own making her own decisions. While she will always be your little girl, yes she has to make some mistakes, but you have to guide her. She's 16 and basically has to live by your rules. But you can treat her with the respect you feel she deserves and discuss it with her openly in a non-confrontational way. Tell her you just want to discuss what's going on in her life and bring up the guy. Ask her questions about him, what's he like, how does he treat you?? Then tell her you'd like to express your feelings and tell her how you feel with out degrading him. Putting him down too much will only make her confrontational.

Obviously this boy comes from a broken home and has no sense of guidance. His attitude is a result of no guidance or a father figure. So, since they are both considered minors in some aspect, invite him over and do the same to him. Sit him down and in a non-confrontational way explain to him what is expected of him around your daughter. Until they are 18, these are the rules. You can give them all the room they need at that time for their age, if they respect your expecatations of them. If you think he has some potential of being a good kid, be his roll model. Invite him to be around and see if you can be a better figure in his life. Show him some stability, an example of a family unit, the way its supposed to be. Invite him to dinner with the family so that he can see what its like to have one. If you can find something he is interested in, maybe after you take time to get to know him, and if they seem genuinly interested in one another, the two of you go and do something together. But most of all, inform him that they live by your rules and they can continue to see each other.

If you pay her cell phone bill, you control when she has access to it. If he calls at inappropriate times, start by taking her cell phone away after a certain hour and night and return it to her when a reasonable hour the next day is. Explain to her that the purpose of the phone is for emergencies and contacting people during normal hours, its not a fixture to her head and he will still be there in the morning or the next day.

While your social or economic levels may not be the same, she has to learn to accept people for who they are, not what they have. In time with her own experience she will find what is her Mr. Right. She's only 16 and most likely will find several other guys in the years to come. But she doesnt need to be sheltered or kept under a rock either.

Good luck...take a deep breath and remember...your baby is growing up and is getting to an age where she starts to make decisions for herself. As long as he is not endangering her life she will have to learn the rules of life and love on her own, but with a little guidance from mom and dad.

Answer 5

SusaJ, that is not the right thing whatsoever!!!!!! She will feel that her dad is punishing her for yound love. Smart parents know better then to punish their kids for going out with someone! She doesnt control his attitude and friends, so why should she get punished for it?
I say that you should NOT try and break them up. Daughters will despise their fathers for getting rid of someone they 'love' And no, they wont go back to thank you, because they wont know how good it was to loose him. Dont put her in counceling over a boyfriend. Thats just foolish. Guys will come and go. Just be sure that she isnt sneaking off with him, and make sure if she goes on dates, have a curfew that MUST be met or punishment. Try and have her only go on a date occasionaly. Dont stop her though. And if you are worried, you can stalk. Just NEVER get caught, and dont let your daughter know. Kissing is ok (even though you might feel uncomfortable), but if his (or her) hands or lips, or ANYTHING starts to go in the wrong places, go home. Dont bust in on her date, she will be angry for months, maybe even years. When she gets home sit her down. Get her a cup of something nice to drink. Sit down and give her an adult talk. I cant tell you what to say, for if you saw that, you should know. It will come to you. Your the father and that is your duty, to know what and when to say things. If the guy is fine at the date you stalk, (two dates is the limit! or you have a huge chance of getting caught!) If he is fine, then learn to trust him. Then let your daughter love whomever she may.
This is my personal help, no websites needed. I hope that everything works out!

Answer 6

Coming from a mother of 2 teenage girls, and being a girl myself, pretend as much as possible that you like him. Girls her age want the opposite what they can't have and what is going to tick their parents off. My girls know that they have to have the best grades to get into the best schools, and they are both honor students which my husband and I are very proud of , however keeping them on that tract so they can make something of themselves is another story. I have seen the boys my daughters have an interest in, and it scares me however if I pretend to show an interest , it usually drives them away. Good Luck with your daughter.

Answer 7

you said your daughter is a good student. if she really is a smart gal, she knows her limitations and would not let herself deviate from the good path she is in right now just because of a guy, a guy that she does not deserve. she must realize that she deserves a better guy. but of course, as a dad, you should guide your daughter. talk to your daughter calmly about it. tell her your concerns, tell her to be careful with the decisions she makes for it will have a great impact on her life, that you love her and you do not want her to go on a bad path, that she should not do things that she will regret later on.

Answer 8

The worst thing you can do is interfere with her relationship, she will only be drawn to him more. When my two oldest daughter 19 & 21 had boyfriends I did not care for I bit my tongue and let the relationships play out. Alot of young women get drawn to the bad boy type because they think they can change them, but it is your daughter who decides whom to date etc. I would insure she has access to birth control and condoms so she can protect herself and to prevent him from becomming a permanent factor in her life. Your daughter is not a child and she must experiance her own ups and downs in a relationship. You could talk to the young man and let him know dating your daughter does not give him a right to disrespect you etc. tell him you will show him respect if he shows you respect, also since it sounds except for your daughter he really has no one to talk to offer to be there if he needs someone to talk to. Do not be to quick to judge him until you've developed good communication with him.

Answer 9

If you push one way she will go the other. I found this out the hard way. I don;t know how to get rid of them but showing them what life could be like if they continue with this relationship seemed to help a little. Convincing her "good friends" that he's not right for her might help, they listen to friends alot more than us! Good luck and God bless!

Answer 10

The more you push her away from him, the more she will want to be with him. Back off a little as long as it doesn't interfere to greatly with school or endangering her life, High school relationships sometimes don't last past high school. Just tell her how you feel once, and leave it at that. Pray about it and let God take control. He never gives us more than we can handle.