i just found out im pregnant on thursday...?

Question

the past 2 months my husband and i have had some problems. he has been wanting a baby for the past year but now that i am pregnant, he is acting different. we havent seen eachother much since we found out because of our different work schedules. he was supposed to be home b4 i had to go to work and never came home and wont answer my calls. i dont know what i did. i just feel so alone, scared, and i dont know what to think.

Answer 1

Just give him some time to get used to the idea of becoming a father. Guys somehow tend to feel like the world is on their shoulders. I would imagine that he feels very repsonsible for the baby and you, too. Even though you are both working, that may change, once the baby comes. Even though he had said he wants a baby, when it actually happens, it's a whole different idea to get used to. It's a life-changing experience.

If he hasn't warmed up to the idea within a week, maybe consider counselling. Maybe consider it anyway, if things have been difficult before your discovery. A baby may pull you together, but you both need to be able to talk and work it through.

As far as being alone is concerned, you're never alone. Connect up with God and seek Him for comfort. People may not always be there for us, but God always is. We just need to seek Him out, and He will guide us. Know that He is guiding your hubby, too.

Don't worry, everything will be OK.

Answer 2

Some guys have a difficult time transitioning from "wanting a baby," to actually "having a baby." It suddenly hits them that there will be another human being completely dependent on the two of you for everything. This can make a lot of men start questioning whether they can provide for the baby, and you, emotionally, financially, etc. Sometimes, this makes the man just get a bad case of nerves. Some guys also start, for lack of a better word, mourning the loss of what life was like prior to the baby. They might hear stories of how much you will change, ( and the stories don't always flatter us women...) how much work babies are, how you will NEVER,EVER, EVER,NEVER have sex EVER AGAIN!!! (which would explain why all children in the world are only children... ;) )
With all of that being said, you need to talk to him. Let him know you are feeling a little confused and hurt over his reaction. Tell him you are feeling nervous, happy, etc.etc.etc also. And if he doesn't seem to be able to talk to you and grows more distant, seek counseling for yourself and ask him to go to couples counseling with you!! Good Luck!

Answer 3

You just found out on Thursday? It may be he needs time to digest the information and then will come around, but I'm wondering - this fellow is your husband but he isn't answering your calls? Are you separated? If you're living together, wait until he comes home to talk. If you're separated, that's a little more difficult. He has the information, let it sink in and let the next step be his. In the meantime, the most important thing here is you and the little life that has started. I hope he choses to be a part of this, but if he doesn't, that is a lesson learned and you and your child have your own lives to live. Living well is the best revenge is a quote from somewhere that I really like and it certainly applies here if he does bail.

Answer 4

I think your husband just needs time to adjust to the situation. He may be thinking that he can hurt you and the baby if he is physical with you and so is just staying away to be sure. You know what men are like, they never reveal their true feeling unless you practically beat it out of them.

Sit him down and have a heart to heart. It sounds like this is what the two of you have wanted for some time, so I just think he might be a little scared. Reassure him, let him know that you need him around and that everything will be OK. He needs to open up about his feelings and then you can be there for him and much as he can be there for you.

Good Luck and congratulations!

Answer 5

You and your husband need to sit down and talk, whether it's with a counselor or not. You don't need the stress of wondering what's wrong while you are pregnant. Just tell him you are concerned about a few things and you want to talk about them with him. If he acts like he's not interested or doesn't want to talk about it tell him you are going to a marriage counselor with or without him because you need someone to talk to. It could be that he's just worried something could go wrong, especially if this is a first pregnancy or if there have been complications in the past. He may be trying to detach himself in this early stage so that if something does go wrong it doesn't hurt as bad. You best bet it to try to talk to him alone before dragging him to a counselor. Good luck and hope this helped.

Answer 6

It could be that he's scared. You said you have been trying to get pregnant for a year now, were you having problems conceiving to begin with? If so, maybe he's kind of scared, thinking that if it took this long for you to get pregnant, that there is always the possibility that you could lose the baby. Maybe he thinks if he can detach himself emotionally now, then it would hurt less if something goes wrong later. Chances are, it's just nervousness.

Answer 7

Having a baby, with all the changes, can be very stressful on a marriage. If you are all ready having problems then you should definitely get some counseling together and maybe apart too. IT can be a WONDERFUL experience to have a child, but you need to make sure you are both ready emotionally. Good luck!

Answer 8

I know my husband I and tried for at least 9 months before I got pregenant. When I finally got pregnant and I told him he did not speak to me for at least 5 hours. It was just the shock. We also worked different shifts too.

I am sorry you are feeling so alone. He is proably just scared and nervous.

I think once you speak to him again take him to the doctor with you. Once he talks to the doctor he might feel better. If he maybe talks to his father that might help too. If you want to email me I will be here for you.

[e-mail]

Answer 9

Courtney, give it a little time. He's probably scared and trying to sort things out. But when he does come home, talk to him. Communication is the key to a good relationship. Keep God first.

Answer 10

Katherine M is right. so is ambullmom. having a baby changes everything and i do mean everything. get joint-counseling, and individual counseling too. YOU didn't do anything wrong. HE is the one doing something wrong by avoiding your calls and not coming home. plz, plz seek counseling if not for your own sakes then for the sake of your baby.