Do you think homosexuality is a choice?

Question

I am homosexual and i've been reading the gay threads where people state their crackpot theories on why homosexuality is a choice. I made this question to give my rebuttal.

I haven't come out of the closet yet. Why? Becauses my family are a bunch of homophobes and so are my freinds. So why would I choose to be gay? Is there any benefit from being gay in my world? NO! I wish I were straight but I can't stop my feelings which i've had since I was little.

Answer 1

i wish all these people who claim it is a choice would tell me how to chose the kind of person i want to love or be attracted to. i thought it was widely known by now that you just can't decide to like or dislike something. you do or you don't.
if love/attraction was a choice, there never would have been a romeo and juliet, a phantom of the opera, a hunchback of notre-damme, an affair to remember. if anyone could chose the person they want to love, there would be no great love songs, no big intensity of feeling, not much worth living for. so to those who say homosexuality is a choice, i ask... did you never have a crush for the wrong person? did you never feel attracted to someone you couldn't have? doesn't that tell you that you feel what you feel and there isn't much you can do about it?

at this point homophobes usually jump in and say - sure, i was attracted to someone i couldn't have, but i CHOSE to not pursue it. that's great. homosexuals are certainly endowed with that choice. they can chose not to have a relationship with someone they love and who loves them back. they can chose to be good friends with someone they'd rather be married to. they can sit back and chose to deny themselves forever the right to love and be loved in every way. but why should they? it is one thing to tell yourself that you shouldn't indulge your puppy love for your best friend's girl, but it's quite another to tell yourself, if you can't love a girl, you can't love at all.

and you know what else? even if they did make that choice, even if they did settle into that kind of existence (because it sure as heck wouldn't be a life), they'd still be gay. not acting on it doesn't change the fact that they are who they are. they can't chose to be straight any more than i can chose to be blonde. i can die or discolor my hair, but those roots are gonna keep coming up brown. i can move into the hairdresser's and have my color touched up every other hour, but i'll still be a brunette under all the chemicals.

expecting homosexuals to live a whole life deprived of love and yes, sex too, is petty, it's evil, and it's cruel. homosexuality is not a choice. anyone who thinks it is has never known one second of true love in their lives.

Answer 2

They say there are two factors that contribute to one's homosexuality; nature and nurture. Nature referring to that certain characteristic that is innate in you.That which you cant seem to control. Nurture, on the other hand, refers to the environment you grew up with. Being with homophobics all your life does not necessarily mean you'd be homophobic too or at least straight.Different situations/circumstances generate differnt reactions. It is possible that the environment you grew up on contributed to your being curious. Curious why they are so afraid of homos perhaps.

I am not at the position to even talk about this, since I am a straight girl.However, I have gay friends who also went through hard times when they first came out the closet and still go though some indiscrimination at times, but these people are very well loved because they chose to stand up for what they believe in. They are happy being who they really are. So long as they don't step on anybody, then there should be nothing to worry about.

However, I do not want to sound like someone advocating homosexuality. If you can still control your feelings, then do so. From my point of view, homosexuality roots from insecurity. My friend has a childhood friend who was once gay, but believe it or not, after so many years, he became straight again, he said he wanted to have a family. I guess he has finally overcome his insecurity or had fed his curiosity.

It is a choice. It will be very hard but probably, with proper mindset, you can overcome this.

Answer 3

I'm sorry that you wish you were straight. Self hatred and bitterness are sad emotions from which to start your life.

As for the assertion that homosexuality is a choice. The evidence against that assertion becomes stronger every year. There are dozens of studies by reputable scientists which show with increasing force that homosexuality exists in nature, and that it is genetic.

1st. A number of major studies have been done of animals. All the species studied had homosexual behavior -- and all the species that had pair bonds at all had homosexual pair bonding TO THE EXCLUSION OF MATING WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX IN HEAT. any of the bigots is invited to explain biologically how that is even possible as a choice for animals, rather than an imperative? (the best book in this particular field is probably Dr. Bruce Bagemihl's book "Biological Exuberance" from St. Martin's Press -- from its bibliography you can find many others, and you can easily find other studies that look at the same phenomena.)

2nd -- the Fruit-fly study. The results for fruit-flies can't be denied (link below). People are trying to say that just because it applies to fruit-flies it doesn't have to to people. Alright, while I accept that the genetic mechanism is much more complex among humans -- why on earth would something like homosexuality be completely genetic in simple species and not genetic at all in the most complex species? It makes no sense, particularly given that no gay person I know EVER remembers being attracted to a female. Bisexuals are attracted to both. Gays are only attracted to same sex. So -- how is that a choice? Isn't it just the opposite of what straight people feel? An inborn automatic response. Period.

Now, on the other hand, it is correct. that gay people could just say no -- and refuse to have sex or act on their feelings. That is clearly true. Anyone can choose celibacy. The choice between being miserable, lonely, and hopeless was a clear posit for many other gay men I know, as an alternative to being openly gay and forming loving and committed relationships. Jonathan and I have been together nearly 15 years -- and any of our straight friends will tell you that we have the most successful relationship of anyone they know... but the choice to say "yep, I'm gay -- and I'm not ashamed and I'm going to be happy" was a very real one.

The Religious Right forwards these theories because they NEED people to believe that homosexuality is choice. The weak-minded, even when they should know better, believe the theory because it fits their needs. Facts are against it, and over time, it will fade.

Kind regards,

Reynolds Jones
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 4

There is much debate on whether homosexuality is a choice. At the end of tyhe day you have to decide what you think of Nature vs. nurture. Scientists have found that before birth, when the baby is fixing to develope a sex, there is actually an imbalance in chemicals and genes. Therefore the baby never developes all the characteristics of a males or female and later develops the attraction for the same sex.
the Nurture argument however, argues that the babies enviroment can influence what the baby will eventually be attracted to later in life. So, is homosexuality a choice? Not even scientists have a solid answer. The real answer is, if you're gay, you are gay. At the end of the day, nothing can change what you are attracted to on whatever level. So you should not dwell on why you are the way you are, you should follow your feelings, and what you want.

Answer 5

No, I don't think it's a choice to *be* gay, but it's a choice to admit it openly. I guess some homophobes just wish gay people would "keep it in the closet" but I think that everyone should be able to be open about their sexuality. I am bisexual and I think I have been probably since I was a little girl, I just never wanted to admit it and tried to ignore my attractions to other women. I finally realized and admitted it after I was married to my husband, who was supportive and I suppose that made me feel like I didn't have anything to be ashamed of. Of course, people think that bisexuals are like "fake" gay people, but whatever. It's still an attraction to the same sex. We just don't omit the opposite sex from our attractions. Anyway, I totally understand what you're saying. My best friend as a kid was gay and he was so scared to admit to everybody because we all went to church and so he knew how his family would feel. I think if he could have taken back his sexuality, he would have, but how do you take back something that you are?

Answer 6

I believe it's in the wiring - not by choice. It is possible for even the Religious Right to agree with me on this and then they could focus their rather intense efforts on the question of "choice" as it relates to acting upon the wiring. However, they would have to start with the Catholics and frankly they probably feel somewhat overwhelmed by the magnitude of this undertaking.

In summary, I would only hope that you would give your family a chance. They may not be "fearful" so much as "uninformed". It sounds as if you're fairly unhappy now, so what can you lose from approaching your family?

Take a look at some of the support groups out there and connect with other folks who've been in your place. Best Wishes!

Answer 7

Mostly everyone who say its a choice are NOT GAY. Therefore they will not know unless they were in your shoes. It is a choice to be straight????No of course not. You just are. God made you who you are and i think the best way to live by god is to be truly who he made you, depite all negativity from others. No one chooses to be gay, and you can only push those feeling in for so long, but they are in there. If people in this world werent so ignorant then things would be so much better for everyone. Live and let live. Make yourself happy because in the end, these people who tell you not to be gay are the same people who wont be there for you in your time of need.

Answer 8

There is a degree of choice in SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR, as one can choose whether to act on their feelings or not. However, sexual behaviour differs from SEXUAL ORIENTATION. One cannot "choose" sexual orientation.

Religious people who think gays have a choice are mistakenly thinking that sexual behaviour and sexual orientation are the same thing. A gay person can choose not to act on their gay feelings, but they cannot choose not to have gay feelings. A gay person who doesn't act on their feelings is celibate.

You might want to contact some gay social groups in your area, where you can meet gay people and get support. The more support you have (even from gay friends), the easier it will be to come out to people closer to you.

If you came out to your friends and lost their friendship, then it means they weren't true friends to begin with. Building friendships in the LGBT community will help you deal with this. You will still have straight genuine friends, as not all straight people are homophobes.

Do you still live at home? This will determine how safe it is for you to "come out". If your family are homophobic and don't suspect a thing, then it will come as a big shock. You have to understand this because you've had x years to come to terms with it yourself, and your family wouldn't have had the same length of time as you. Be patient with them.

When you come out to some people, they will try and "examine" you thoroughly by asking deep intimate questions. You are still entitled to maintain your privacy, and you don't need to spill the beans about what sexual acts turn you on. After all, a straight person doesn't need to declare their innermost private thoughts, so why should gays/bis?

Answer 9

Dumb, dumb, dumb, and a little of ignorance too.
It is not a choice. Do you think we enjoy all the crap we have to take from straight people, do you think we enjoy being called horible names?
I don't think so. It doesn't matter what anyone says, it is not a choice. Check the statistics on how many Gay men have married, and then were caught with a man, or divorced shortly after getting married, or commited suicide because in their soul they were in hell. Some of you probably believe that Black people could change to white if they really wanted to, or tall people could make themselves shorter if they wanted. Wake up people, it's time to step out of La-La land and face reality. Gay people have been on the face of the earth since the Roman Empier, and you can rest assured that they will be here long after we are all dead and forgotten. I can't believe that so many people can be so blind to what is as plain as the nose on their faces. Bloody hell!!!

Answer 10

Choice...and it is YOURS. With all do respect to your friends and family.....screw them if they cannot except who you are. The benefit of being gay? You don't have to live your life as a lie. You don't have to try and be something you aren't. You are being you, which makes you even more of a person. We may not know who you are, but I have respect for you for even coming out with this on here.....even behind a screen name. Some won't even do that. But also, waiting to come out of the closet makes people wonder if you are ashamed. I think you haven't out of fear. Fear of what people will say...or do. How they will act will be nothing compared to how you feel inside by living a lie and hiding a secret that is YOU...it is what you are. People can either accept it or shun it...let them choose. In the end, choose to just be yourself.