What's up with my husband?

Question

I just can't figure it out. We have been married for 2 years and have had sex probably less than 10 times.
It's not that he "can't".
It's that he doesn't "want" to.

I can do all kind of things that just the "thought" of would have most any guy ready to get it on...but with him...nothing...zip..nada.

Then whenever he does get "in the mood". It doesn't last very long (less than 5 minutes) and he's like ...ohhh..wasn't that good. Well NO IT WAS NOT! is what I want to say but I don't. It is really getting frustrating especially since MY own sex drive seems to be dwindeling now and I LOVED my sex drive before.

Trying to get him to "talk" about it is impossible. He listens but does not say anything.

Every OTHER aspect of our life is wonderful. He is VERY attentive of me in public but behind closed doors...he's a dud!

HELP!

Answer 1

You didn't have a sex problem BEFORE you got married? He liked it then?
Could he be having an affair? That's what it sounds like to me. Think about that possibility.

Then I would suggest couples therapy. Tell him he had better agree to go or you don't know if the marriage will last much longer. You will be one to start looking elsewhere...............

Answer 2

I can relate exactly to where you are coming from. I have been married for less than two years and my husband NEVER wants to have sex. Its always one excuse after another. If you are like me, you have probably asked him what was up and he had no reasons that actually made any sense right..My husband always tells me over and over that "there is NO problem" and "why am I making such a big deal out of nothing"? I wish I could help you honey, I know how frustrating and unattractive it probably makes you feel. First of all, remember that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. If you are trying and are taking all the steps to be understanding and a good wife then this is your husband's problem. Dont let it become something's wrong with you...because it's not!! And dont listen to everyone that "he's cheating"..I know my husband is not and he still has NO interest in sex...as for the whole gay thing...I sometimes wonder if that is my husband's issue...Has your husband done anything to make you suspect that is the issue.. I am also wondering ..how was your sex life before marriage? Mine was hot and ever since we said "I DO", my husband seemed to have no interest in sex whatsoever. I am sorry you have to deal with this.... it is a problem that is hurtful to you. I think the best advice I can offer is to see a dr. to check his testosterone levels and a marriage counselor to talk about these issues since he wont talk on his own..that is what i am in the process of setting up.. I hope this helps..if you want to vent you can email me...I can relate!!!

Answer 3

Man i dont know what to tell you,this dude has issues,ok was this happening before the marriage,because if it was is on you for marrying him,but if not and he got like this after the marriage i would force him to talk about it,i mean this is not funny,he owes you an explanation for this type of thing,he cant expect you not to get worried or even pissed off with him,so the five minute thang works just fine for him but what about you??? is he retarted or something?? or just plain inconsiderate if i were you while i figure this thing out at least i would get me an good vibrator and let him know you have it and tell him sorry but you needed the help....i would do that until i figure out wht the hell is it that im going to do with such an iceberg of a husband??? girl handle your business and make him go with you to an sex therapist and hey if that dont work is the boot and to the curve.i mean sex is not everything but something's gotta give.ok girl,good luck.

Answer 4

What part of this didn't you know before you were married? I think I would lower the boom and say put out or I am allowed to play with the big boys. 10 times in 2 years...you have to be kidding...10 times in 2 days, that i can see...but.....yep, time for a play mate. He probably won't care from what you describe.

Answer 5

Maybe it is a problem in the talking portion. If he feels defensive, or that you might be putting him down, he's likely to just shut down or sabatage any talking.

You need to get yourself to a good sex counselor to get you back on track. But make sure (this is important), that you aren't going there so that the counselor can tell your husband what you'd like him to hear. You need to go there with the same open mind that you want him to go with.

Answer 6

10 times in two tears is mind boggling.. are you for real?? if it is so...main.. like soneone else ask how was the sexual relationship before the marriage.. ..if there was of course... and 5 minutes...maybe that might be one of the reasons right there.. he is insecure about his stamina...this really cals for sexual consultations from a certified sex therapist... nd yes he definately would mind if you started cheating on him so don't....you said you talked about it but no response...how do you come about the subject.. he may not be resonding cause he is embarassed...again i say couples therapy...tell him you got to do something about it together because its killing you...tell him it is extremely important for the relationship and if he loves you he will do it for you as you would do it for him...you never know...it can go as far as him being secretly gay... i don't know..this one is just extremely puzzling to me but i could completely understand your desperation and frustration in this situation... really...hope only the best for you.

Answer 7

You need to make up your mind on what you want, great s__ or being tentative outside. He's hiding something that he'll never tell, and it may be something you'd rather not know. You should be concerned about your happiness, so if you can deal with his lack of taking care of you behind close doors, don't have us wasting our time here.

Answer 8

Make sure its not a medical problem.Drug use,alcohol,and even smoking can cause a significant reduction in sex drive.He's not lasting very long because he's not doing it enough!I've always found that the more sex I have,the better it (and longer lasting)it gets.

Answer 9

same here, I know what your going through. Ive tried everything. his excuse is always Im sorry. Well sorry anit going to wait forever. I finally sat my husband down and told him I wasnt happy anymore and things better change. Try that and best of luck. I didnt get any where.

Answer 10

He might be gay or he might be cheating. Tell him to join you in couples therapy or get out of this relationship. Sex isn't supposed to be the most important thing in a marriage, but it isn't supposed to be the least important thing, either.