Me and my husband been together 15 years plus. In those 15 years he found out that I was speaking to other men on 3 different occasions. After each time he stayed with me. But, about two years ago, I found out he had a secret relationship with another women. After I found out he went back to her four times. Now he tells me that he is not seeing her anymore. But ever since all of this he treats me like crape. My question is why did he even stay? Please help me!
2006-06-24 15:31:29 · 20 answers · asked by marcia t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm confused.. When you say you were speaking to other men.. is that all then? I don't see anything wrong w/that. You say tho 'he stayed w/me' and I don't know why he wouldn't (if it was just conversation.) You say he had a secret relationship.. was it sexual? You two both sound kind of jealous/possessive.. I mean I am basing this on the assumption there was nothing sexual involved in any of this. (If there was, that's a different story..) Let me see here.. He treats you like crap.. I take it that's the real issue on hand here.. I think men are kind of like babies (I'm married to one.. lucky me..) or they want their cake/ to eat it too.. they want us to cook and clean (and spread 'em) but on the other hand they want their 'freedom' to screw around on us at the same time. (We can't do anything along the same line tho..) that sux, right? He stayed because he's been with you and while the other gal's 'something new/exciting & different' you're the one he's 'used to living with' I am thinking. (Hell, this is depressing me!!) Hey, I DO think you've got value/self worth, dont' get me wrong! I'm just kinda bitter about men is all.. It sounds like my marriage of l4 years (boring.. I'm bored..) My ole man's an asshole (cuts me down) and then developed (or so he claims) e.d. so he tries to do the oral thing (doing me 'one big goddamned favor') on me for sex (but it's wearing thin or gettin' old I mean.. fast..) I want to dump him too.. (I think you want to dump THIS guy..) do it!! that's my 'valuable' advice for ya
2006-06-24 15:54:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 1⤋
To me it seems like yall aren't in love with each other anymore. If you were just talking to other men and not doing anything sexual then that's probably the reason he stayed. If you were doing things sexually then he probably stayed because he really does love you. It also seems that the reason why he was having a secret relationship with another woman is because you were talking to other men. My question to you is if you weren't doing anything sexually with those other men and then you find out he was having a secret relationship with another woman and you know he was more than likely having sex with her and he still kept going back after you found out why did you stay with him? To me either yall just need to go your separate ways or you both need to go get some kind of help. No matter what you have done in your past he shouldn't treat you like crap.
2006-06-24 15:38:59 · answer #2 · answered by BabyBoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He stayed because he could, and the time he'd put into the relationship. You were also a good wife as that would go, and he had too much invested in the marriage. But, believe me, he will never get over your cheating even though he did it too. He may have only stopped seeing her, (if he's not lying) because she let him go. He wasn't forgiving you when he stayed, he just wanted an excuse to turn on you as time progressed, because he can use what you did to his advantage. It's time for you to make a decision that will make you happy.
2006-06-24 19:04:30 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well 15 +, is a rather long time to invest in each other without a trial period of some sort wether it be with a councelor or maybe even your Preacher/Clergymen. I hope all works out either way, obviously its never fun when we get hurt at any measure but sometimes facing the pain and moving on is the only way. Will keep you in my Prayers hon and Gud Luck
2006-06-24 15:40:54 · answer #4 · answered by Angel B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are only speaking to men - who cares?
As for his secret relationship and treating you badly - I wouldn't put up with that.
I think if counseling is out of the question - a divorce may be in order.
2006-06-24 15:35:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets see.....you started the infedility, so he finished it.And what is your problem?Seriously though, you can't expect to cheat on him and he put up with it.The fact he stuck around, even after you were cheating on him, meant he wanted to make it work because he loved you.The fact he got into a relationship with someone else, meant he probably got tired of being second in your life.Now, you need to both sit down and be serious.This is a MARRIAGE.Did you NOT take vows?Everyone is entitled to one mistake(if it happens)...but 3+++++?????Both of you need to sit down and decide what the heck your doing.Either your together...and with no one else , for the long haul, or go your seperate ways.If your not happy, divorce.Don't keep cheating on each other.seeing who can hurt each other more.
2006-06-24 16:20:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to put it plainly he probably thought the financial issues would be greater if he left you. Such things as alimony, child support if you have kids or you know what, he probably has more stability with you then these other women. Give him an ultimatum he either needs to get over himself or he needs to get out. Good luck on your situation.
2006-06-24 15:45:06 · answer #7 · answered by adkfoaiefnafedw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a song that says nobody wants to be the first one to say good bye,and that is what you guys need to say to each other right now good bye,your are not respecting each other,and you are involving other people in this little disfuntional tripp you guys are on,just get it over with and brake up.... somebody has to have the nutts to say hey this is not working. is over.just put an end to it and go on with your lives. good luck.
2006-06-24 17:00:39 · answer #8 · answered by boricua_2290 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oooHHH!! you know what, i had the same problem before. your husband figures you are his floor mat to step on whenever he wants. he figures you'll be there for him whenever he wants and no matter what he does to you, you'll be there. he's using you as like a "leftover" just in case the 'other' girls don't want nothing to do with him. its better if you find someone who appreciates your worth and loves you. you might have gave him 15 years of your life but you have so many more to live if you were happy!
2006-06-24 15:40:10 · answer #9 · answered by kittybrains 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still love him and want your marriage to continue you should do 3 things....1) ask your husband if he still loves you and does he want your marriage to continue.....2) you need to both stop associating with other people even just talking....3) you need to get to a marriage counselor like yesterday. Good luck
2006-06-24 15:36:55 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋