So, I got really tired of basically being shut up in the house with the patient in question (family member) 24/7, and so I hired a day nurse to spell me three times a week so that I could go to the dentist, to the grocery store, to gas up the car, etc.
Naturally, I feel guilty about this, and yet I'm STILL squirming with ennui.
Any hints or tips to cope with this? It's been two years already; could go on for years to come.
2006-06-24 13:39:19 · 6 answers · asked by silvercomet 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
DO NOT FEEL GULITY... especially for preserving your sanity!!!
I'm caring for my 83-yr-old grandfather, so I do understand. He is able to care for himself, mostly, so I'm not totally confined (Thanking my lucky stars!!), but I do understand the isolation and frustration. I take EVERY opportunity to associate with those of sound mind- church, friends, phone calls, etc. I've also found that it helps to talk with others in my situation- to know I'm not the only one.
There is a book- I don't remember the author, but it's called "The 36-Hour Day" It's about the burden and stress of caring for a family member, especially an aging and/or Alzheimer's family member.
Remember- If you aren't well, then the care you provide your family member can and will be compromised. You have to take care of your self!!!!
2006-06-24 13:55:08 · answer #1 · answered by Yoda's Duck 6 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Have you thought about a nursing home or retirement home. I am a manager of a retirement home and usualy the family is more concerned than the person themselvs are. we offer day care services and the ppl really adjust well. We have a lady right now who is day care most of the time but her daughter went on vacation and she is staying with us a full week ...The daughter hasn't even left town yet but has called like 4 times to check on mom..lol Who by the way is perfectly fine and has made lot's of friends out there to help keep her occupied. It reminds me of taking my sons to daycare and they would fuss at me for leaving them but as soon as I was gone they were fine. Elderly ppl can be the same way I see lot's of guilt trips put on their kids, but I also see them having a great time when the kids aren't there. There is always a period of adjustment, but it is well worth it if you have a good place where you know they are safe and well cared for. You can't do it all. It will drive you nutts.
You really shouldn't feel guilty.......even the strongest person needs a break. It doesn't mean that you don't love them it just means that you still have a Life to live. I would definately check into a retirement home for day care or weekly, or long term.
Sometimes it makes the elderly person feel more independant because they have their own space again and then they get to meet new ppl and make new friends and see how well others are getting on who may be much older than them and it can inspire them. Good luck and God Bless... If there is anything I can help you with feel free to e-mail me at winterlvr66@yahoo.com
2006-06-24 21:00:07 · answer #2 · answered by winterlvr66 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a caretaker for the elderly and I understand your feelings. As a sole caretaker for a family member you need to take some time to yourself. Do not feel bad everyone needs a break. The person you are taking of may need a break from you to. They may not take it to easy at first most elderly do not take change to easily but do learn how to deal with it. Try to keep the same person for these days so they can get use to them and gain some trust of them. I commend you for taking care of your family member alot of people end up in nursing homes because it ends up being to much for the family. What you are doing is great and with these breaks you will be able to take care of your family member longer. There are sites for caretakers of the elderly that can help you with what you are feeling right now. Find a support network. You are not alone in what you are feeling alot of people in your shoes go through this.
2006-06-24 20:58:35 · answer #3 · answered by butterfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your elderly person is eligible for medicare or medicaid you might talk with them or a local agency for the elderly here it's called the council of aging. Medicare or medicaid may pay for respite care. This is an aide that comes in so you can have a life. Believe me you need to have a life outside of caring for your loved one.You need this just to be happy. Don't feel guilty you deserve your time off. They may even help pay for a housekeeper so you can go out and not worry about the house work. I have always been happy with my aides and the housekeeper is great. You can talk with me through this site.
2006-06-24 20:50:50 · answer #4 · answered by bramblerock 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been in your situation.my advise to you is if you can afford it,get a nurse there every day,if you cannot,my sympathy,the only thing i learned from that experience,is that one day i woke up and i was like,i sacrificed a big part of my life,and for what?i know this sounds incredibly selfish,but I've learned if you live your life for someone else,you die everyday and thats basically what you are doing,it was years for me and i wish it would have all gone differently.i hope this family member appreciates the care,mine didn't,the attitude was i was obligated,that is so wrong,i suggest you contact other members of your family.you will end up running yourself ragged and resent that person if you allow yourself to become immersed in their lives,i did and its something i have to deal with everyday.there is a time to care and take care of loved ones,but there is a line,i wish you the best of luck.you should not feel guilty!i know its hard,i feel guilty for alot of things i did while being a caretaker like feeding myself,going to work,etc,remember you have a life too and you should enjoy it.
2006-06-24 20:48:55 · answer #5 · answered by jen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's to bad but you are to be commended for caring so much and being there for your loved one. "That's really nice.
What's ennui?
2006-06-24 20:43:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋