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In the last two years I have suffered the breakup of a marriage, financial restraints, a serious illness, the loss of my mother and
been dealing with someone who "loves me" but refuses to date me because I am a bigger person. I just want to be the normal, fun person I used to be before this baggage weighed me down. I'm only 29 but I feel like I have life's burden's riding on my back and I don't know how to get rid of these feelings. I have convinced myself I will never find anyone to love me for me again and that is ok with me. I know people say the "lots of fish in the sea" thing , but I just don't buy it. I'm ok with being lonely...but it's the sad/depressed feelings I can't control. Any suggestions that are NOT go see my doctor and get prescribed something? thanks!

2006-06-24 12:47:50 · 28 answers · asked by Erin 1 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

28 answers

First off, it sounds like you have had a lot to deal with over the last few years..a lot that has made you feel down, and concerned.

First you must take care of you. You can do this in little ways. Pampering yourself with a massage or a pedi/mani might help (sounds little..and of course expensive..but this is something you could do at home and make yourself feel better about you. In other words pamer yourself and remember that you alone are in control of your own destiny. You are only 29. You have TONS of time to find that "someone that loves you" (I have numerous friends who didn't reach that goal until they were in their late to mid 30s and 40s....so you have time!).

Lastly, do things that make you happy. You mentioned you wanted to be the fun person you were before your baggage. What did that mean? Where did you go to feel happy, were there hobbies or things you did that made you feel special, or in a great mood if so...go back to doing those. Find the "real" you again.

Once you feel stronger and more in control of your own happiness, the rest will work itself out. People will see the spark in you and want to be around you, go out with you etc.

2006-06-24 12:55:57 · answer #1 · answered by jcs 3 · 2 0

Instead of trying to go back to who you were, think about going forward. A wise man once said "That which does not kill you makes you stronger" Yes, you've had some very hard times. You've dated some selfish people, who didn't help you much. Try to turn those experiences into something positive, like a life lesson. If you look back at what you've been through, would you say you've had more than your share of hardship? That being said, you're only human and these major issues would probably bother just about anyone. You don't have to go it alone, talk to your doctor or clergy. Anything from meds to counseling might help you. Bottom line is you don't have to fight the battle alone. Then find someone who will accept you for who you are, not some Shallow Hal who's only concerned about your looks. Good luck.

2006-06-24 16:29:19 · answer #2 · answered by Mike 4 · 0 0

Erin,
It seems to me that you are asking an awful lot of yourself. Any one of the challenges you have met in the last 2 years would take a lot of adjustment. Give yourself some credit girl! Your marriage broke up, suffered financial difficulty, serious illness and lost your Mom! You have been thru the fire and have come out the other side, Certainly wiser than before AND STILL STANDING! AND whoever this person is who SAYS they love you, but objects to your size- honey that's not even a friend!

Okay, so now you have some time to come to know yourself better and learn to love yourself. It appears to me that there is a
lot to admire here, and someone who has gained a lot of life experience to share with others. Don't sell yourself short. There has never been and will never be another you. Uniquely made and fitted for this time and place in this universe. If you can take all that you have been thru and someday, in some way help another being to cope with their tragedy, you will have turned a negative to a positive. Theres an old song that goes "eliminate the negative, accenuate the positive, latch on to the affirmative, and don't mess with mr inbetween." Good advice. I know.
There are lots of fish in the sea, but you don't want a fish, you want someone who will love and respect you for who and what you are. Forget him right now and look at that person in the mirror and learn to love and respect yourself. Everything else will , in time, follow. In the end we all have to live with ourselves.

2006-06-24 13:18:24 · answer #3 · answered by Violetkskye 2 · 0 0

At least your avatar is happy.

Okay, time to get serious.

Time heals all wounds, some take longer than others. Try going out more, confide in a friend or someone (Sometimes, the best psychiratrist is right next to you), artistically express yourself to get rid of stress, like through music (Japanese music is very expressive. Especially through the lyrics after translations. I cried.) or writing.

I think you're doing good so far, at least your not thinking of suicide. Let's rejoice this hasn't made you crazy. (Sorry for sounding mean)

I prefer being lonely too actually. More alone because then I won't have anyone to miss. And I'm 11. (Mean, sorry)

Perhaps getting into something new will ease you pain. After all, time will only heal all wounds if you let time pass and move on.

2006-06-24 12:57:53 · answer #4 · answered by makes me wonder 3 · 0 0

I don't think you have to take pills or anything, sometimes the best answer is within yourself, I think you should go and travel by yourself or go to some place in which you'll be alone with your thoughts trying to find all the things that you like about yourself, try to remember why the people love you and convince yourself that you've got another chance to star all over again.

the life is full of opportunities and you have to know that God (or whoever made us) wanted you to be alive for some reason, maybe you can help someone else, that always make you feel good, there's people who can receive so much of you (just a little bit and you could make someone really happy) . JUST ONE DAY AT THE TIME AND LOVE YOURSELF ;)

2006-06-24 12:54:10 · answer #5 · answered by M.A.G. 3 · 0 0

Well let me start by saying you not giving up and wanting to fight your way back from the "burden's of life" shows tremendous strength on your part. I am 28, single with a six year old daughter. I am also a recovering (3 yrs. 8 mts.) I.V. drug user. I am now in college to get my teaching degree. My life is not easy but I am so blessed and thankful because of where I have been. You will be the same way after you fight for what you want you appreciate it so much more. And please , please don't give anyone the time of day who won't date you on account of appearance. You have got to realize you are worth more than that. I know what being lonely is like. I haven't dated anyone in 3 years. I have decided to dedicate my life to my daughter and right now I feel she needs me more than a man. Have faith- there is a man out there for you, a man that will love you for your heart and not your body,be patient. I know where you are and I promise this to shall pass.

2006-06-24 13:09:51 · answer #6 · answered by Mama C. 2 · 0 0

Come out of the shell yoou have built around you. Stop thinking about the losses you made but think about the lessons those losses were trying to teach, try to think about those lessons which you missed when you were in your self defined exile. Moreover try to enjoy life. Visit some church, enjoy nature and you will improve. try to enjoy rainfall, snow, sunlight.
You say that you have had serious losses but there are places on earth where girls dont have a groom. There are places on earth where some kids are orphans since the age of 29 months. There are places on earth where people dont have anything to eat. There are places on earth where people dont have clothes to wear. There are places on earth where people dont have medicare at all. There are places on earth where people die of minor cuts becaude there are no medical facilities.
You are lucky because you have a boyfriend. You are lucky because you had your mom for 29 Years. You are lucky because you can have breakfast, lunch and dinner. You are lucky because you have clothes to wear. You are lucky because you can go to a doctor.

2006-06-24 12:59:41 · answer #7 · answered by dushy 2 · 0 0

I think you are normal already. You want to know how many mentally ill people I see everyday that have been abused in ever way, shape,and form? Their lives will never be normal. Not that your problems are not serious, but trust me it could always be worse. Life is Life. Never perfect. Im sorry about your illness, your mother, and your financial restraints. I dont know if this helps, but if you have faith in God, you will always feel normal and never lonely. I get lonely as well, but then I remember Him, and I feel better. In spite of my dysfunctional childhood, abusive father, ill mother, cheating boyfriends...I think we are closer to Normal than others.

2006-06-24 13:05:42 · answer #8 · answered by Sofia V 2 · 0 0

What you are experiencing now is not that unusual. I have been through all of the above except the serious illness. Let me just assure you that being depressed is normal (Name me one human being who would be jubilant over any of these things!) How long your "down" period lasts is another matter. You appear to be on a good path towards getting out of your funk.....The first clue is recognizing you are in one...then LET yourself experience it, take mental notes...keep in mind what you are going through is NOT for nothing!!! What things can you do realistically to improve your attitude tomorrow? In time you will come out of it....But never forget this time for when it sneaks up on you again you may be able to more quickly realize it, let yourself go through it, and be done with it...self discipline and a plan...that helps tremendously!

2006-06-24 13:03:29 · answer #9 · answered by grip2122 2 · 0 0

If I were you, I would put myself first. Learn to love yourself for who you are. One of the best ways to help with sadness and depression is to talk to your friends and loved ones. You could also try talking to a pastor or someone of that nature. Sometimes just vocalizing what is going on in your head helps the healing process. Until you are emotionally and mentally fit as it were, I would suggest not looking for a relationship. Work on you and then go from there.

2006-06-24 12:54:22 · answer #10 · answered by crazedchipmunk 2 · 0 0

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