Why do I always go for men that are make me feel like sh*t?

Question

They are nice at first, then they become abusive, both mentally and physically. They are always bad boys, and they are always financially and mentally beneath me! When I finally get the courage move on, I'm unbearably lonley.
HOW CAN I MAKE THIS VICIOUS CYCLE STOP?

Answer 1

First, change where you hang out. If you keep finding losers, then you must hanging out where losers hang out.

Second, change the way you choose a boyfriend. It's obvious the system you have right now keeps landing you in the same place. Insanity in action is repeating the same process and expecting a different result. It just doesn't work that way.

Third, ask yourself this question, "Why do I want to date him?" If you cannot come up with anything other than a superficial answer (he's hawt, he smells good, he's rich, he's mysterious/exciting, etc), pass. Your answers should be more like, "He makes me feel good about who I am," "He makes me laugh," or "He challenges me to be a better person." Did you notice where the focus shifted? You are no longer focusing on what makes him attractive, but on how he makes you feel.

Finally, understand that the end game for dating is to find someone you can sepnd the rest of your life with. Don't use it as a tool to just have company or someone who will pay for everything. The latter will expect something in return, and the former are called 'friends' not boyfriends. Use the system to do what it was made for, not to fill a void in your life. No person can ever do that. Lonliness can only be cured by you.

Answer 2

Do you know whether or not they are "bad boys" from the very beginning? If the answer is yes, then the only way to make the cycle stop is to stop going for those types. If they do not seem like bad boys at first, you must get to know them better before dating them, and then eventually you will see their demeaning qualities. If you know or can sense that they are bad boys, you probably are attracted to them because of their unpredictability. Nice guys are very predictable, and a good number of girls dislike this pattern of predictability and stability. What draws you to such guys, only you can know the answer to this. Good luck to you and i hope that you find someone who treats you with respect and love. You deserve nothing less in this life than to be happy. God bless.

Answer 3

You should stop looking at the bad boys and start broadening your horizons. Not every man is also going to be that prince charming, but just find one that has common interests at first and see whats going on form there. As for the feeling incredibly lonely part, grab a hobby or start rekindling those friendships you lost when you were with the bad man. Men come and go but best friends are a dime a dozen.

Answer 4

Try to find the good guy. look for the oppisite of what you like. maybe you should try an older guy. Not sure of your age. There are still some nice guys out there who are not gay. But you need to make a decision that you will go go back to the bad guys that you like so much. good luck.

Answer 5

A lot of what others are saying is true. But, after going thru the same thing for many years and volunteering at a women's shelter for a few years, I have, basicallly, learned why women go for the 'bad guys.' A lot has to do with your past, growing up years. What was your life like growing up? Was there any kind of abuse (verbal, emotional, mental, physical, sexual, etc)? If there was ANY kind of abuse, then you are going for the types that you are used to being around. In other words, this type is familiar to you. We tend to go towards what is familiar to us and don't typically go for what is unfamiliar because it is so uncomfortable to do so.

What I believe you need to do is:

1. stay away from guys for quite awhile. You may get lonely, but you NEED to learn to be on your own rather than have a guy in your life. NO ONE can fill the needs in your heart other than you.
2. Figure out if there was ANY type of abuse in your childhood that is making you go towards these guys.
3. Go for counseling. Do this to figure out where these patterns come from, how to help your self-esteem, and to break the cycle.
4. Go to your local women's shelter/center. They will, probably, have groups for you to go to so you can learn what the 'red flags' are for abusers, how to spot and stay away from them, how to take care of yourself when around these guys, etc.

After you have done all of this and feel that you can finally have a guy in your life just as a compliment to you and not as someone to fill your personal needs that only you can fill, then you are ready for a guy to be in your life.

I had to learn all of this the hard way. I had been emotionally and sexually abused most of my life. When I got married, I thought I had gotten away from that. But, the only thing I got away from was the sexual abuse. My ex husband lied, cheated on me over and over, mentally/verbally/emotionally abused me, used and abused drugs, and never had any money from all of this. I finally woke up and worked on my self-esteem and stopped listening to him--while still with him (hardest thing I ever had to do). Within a few months, I was strong enough to leave and left for good. I then found an awesome guy that is the total opposite of him. He treats me like a God, has me on a pedestal like I do him, loves, cherishes, and respects me in any and every way possible. I have finally found my one true love, my soul mate. This can be possible for you, too. But, it is going to take a lot of work on your part.

Good luck and write to me if you want to talk.

Answer 6

Work on your self-esteem.
Acknowledge all the good qualities you have, and realize that you deserve better than the men you've been going after.

Answer 7

Start using your brain more and your emotions less when you pick a partner. But first take a break from dating and relationships and figure our who you are and what you want.

Best wishes and God bless.

Answer 8

I also don't understand why women so often wind up with shmucks for boyfriends. They are really low life, and lots of women fall all over them. I don't have this answer for you.

Answer 9

gurl i have the same problem I like him he pretens to like me and he makes me feel like **** !!!! If they look nice there not don't let them fool you there nothing but losers. they well treat you like like your a queen but later the real dog will come out . If you see one coming towards you stare him straight in the eye and tell him to get lost.

Answer 10

Keep looking, you will find the right guy some day. GOOD LUCK!