Should I leave?

Question

My husband started out very sweet, totally swept me off my feet. Soon after we got married, he became increasingly scary. His temper is terrifying. Even a small everyday disagreement will send him into a rage. He calls me names, yells at me alot, throws things, punches his fist though our walls. Today we had our worst fight ever and he said he wanted to kill me, called me a whore(I'm not and no, I am not cheating), stupid b**th, and even told our daughter, "Guess what, daddy doesn't love mommy anymore." He went in the other room to cool off, so I started packing. Now, he says he loves me and he doesn't want me to leave. But, he is always adamant that everything is always my fault and he says I drive him to this. I am afraid to leave, but I still really love him too-he isn't always bad. He is angry like this with his family too, and it has gotten worse. Am I doing something wrong, is this my fault?

Answer 1

Listen, this is how your husband was from the start. He just hid it very well. If a man states when he is angry that he is going to kill you, it is time to go. I know you love him, but what is more important, your love for him or your love for yourself and your child. Now is the time not to be selfish and think about your feelings for him, think about you child and the next time he threatens to kill you and actually does it, your child will be left w/o a mother. Your not doing anything wrong, because an abusive man is not man enough to admit when he is in the wrong and will always blame it on the wife or children. He needs help! If you decide to leave make sure he is not around and leave him no clues you are going to do this. Think about your child. This is not a good environment to bring her up in. Believe me I know from experience with my mother and her boyfriend of 23 years. I will pray for you and your daughter.

Answer 2

In no way shape or form, is this your fault. YES you should leave and don't look back ! Is that what you want your daughter to grow up in ? I know it's not what you imagined for your child. If his behavior scares you, think about what your little girl must feel. I know you love him. Love is an emotion, and right now you need to use your head,not your heart. Don't feel sorry for him! Trust me, he's not feeling sorry for you and his daughter. This man needs serious help, but you can not fix him. GET OUT !! before something really bad happens. You see and hear about this kind of thing on the news everyday. BE STRONG!!! suck it up and do it. Does anyone else know about this? Do they know how he treats you and the things he says? If not, you need to tell a few people, so someone can help you! Listen, it's not worth staying. Please take your daughter out of there.

Answer 3

Oh my God! I went through the same thing. Listen carefully. What you are going through is called domestic violence. You must leave immediately and file an order of protection in court to keep him away from you iTrust me when I tell you it is not going to get any better, is only going to get worse. This man can loose control to the point where he will kill you or seriously hurt you. Act before is too late. I bet he gets violent and then he is sweet and tells you how much he loves you and not to leave and that it is YOU who drives him to that kind of behavior. DO NOT believe him. He is probably nice for a few days and then explodes again and calls you names. Before you know it, he'll have you believe that you are worthless. I bet also bet you that he accuses you of having affairs. Your husband is sick. I know that you say that you love him, but that love could kill you and then what is going to happen to your daughter without you? My son is 14 and mentally screwed up because, like you, I stayed. He almost killed me three weeks ago, and he had not been that violent before. You are not doing your daughter any good. I bet you that other members in his family could be the same way. If you are still in doubt, I urge you to contact Alternative for Batter Women and go there to talk to a counselor. I have three and half years of psychology under my belt; I know what I am telling you. Please leave him. I'll pray that you and your daughter are safe and that you do what you MUST do. Write me anytime. Rita

Answer 4

Girl, save you some money, start researching protective orders and laws that will protect you and your child when you do leave. Try to record and document and take pictures of his abuse for your proof. Contact those domestic abuse organization, they usually have funds to help you along the way. And get you a concealed handgun license and gun to protect yourself. But PLEASE do not let him know what youre doing because that would really take the icing off the cake. Be prepared not to be able to go to close relatives or friends house, or any where he can find you. Most people take for granted when a man tells them that they will kill them, and next thing you know theyre on the news; mom dead and child with CPS. You and your child safety is first. Anger management classes are not going to help this bomb from exploding. Do you love your child, or him more? Do you want your child to grow up in foster care or with familty members?

Answer 5

Your husband has a really serious problem! And you and your child are in danger! If you leave,he will more than likely find you and God only knows what he might do.There should be a crisis center in your area.Find it,take your child and go there,do not give any cle that you are about to leave,and don't tell your child.Go when he is at work!they will keep you safe and will get things started to get help for him!.Please don't waste precious time doing a lot of thinking,this man is a ticking time bomb about to explode!
If you do not know where the crisis center is located in your area,go to the nearest police station and tell them what is happening and you are in fear of the life of you and your child they can direct you to the crisis center!

Answer 6

Leave, and get a restraining order for you and your daughter.

The fact that he is so unstable and has threatened you shows that he will likely go off the deep end when he realizes you are gone - so go to a place where he can't find you and rent a car, too.

He may be bipolar or something -- obviously he has issues -- let him know that you haven't given up on him (yet), but that your daughter is your top priority and you have to be apart for her safety and yours, at least until he gets himself under control WITH professional help. Make counseling a requirement in any legal custody or visitation agreements.

Answer 7

If you say you really love him and want to stay with him tell him that you need to see a counselor. I was married to a man whom I loved dearly. We were married for 10 years till we finally split and got divorced. Our daughter was 5 years old at the time. when she came to me and told me she was afraid to come get me one night after a bad dream I had to make a choice. We tried counseling but unfortunately that didn't work. Never wanted to have children a marriage that ended but I am much happier now. Nobody deserves to be mentally abused and someday it may turn physical.

Answer 8

Get out of there while you still can, if you wait you may end up in a grave get your kid and go as far away as possible. Dont give him the chance to hurt you both. Hope he gets help and move along with life. Life is way too short to have to deal with an angry person. Good Luck

Answer 9

you cant control this, and you cant change him
if he does this more than 2 times a week. its time to leave for your own safety and the safety of your child.
and saying those things to your daughter(no matter how old she is) is verbal abuse alone.
she dont need to hear this, so time to pack and move out now!!!
you can love him from a distance, your safety and your child shouldnt be afraid at any time. no time, so move out. now!!!
what he says to you is also verbal abuse and neither of you deserve to be treated this way.
you have the right to feel safe in your own home.
so think of yourself and your daughter and move out now!!!!!

good luck, he will try to change your mind and say that he will change or even over time he did change but you dont go back to him ever, you deserve better .
once a temper shows it will always show at one time or another and no need to walk on eggshells all the time, this is no home to raise your daughter in(being afraid all the time).

Answer 10

Honestly there are 3 sides to any story... His side, your side, and the truth... However... hostility and treats are NEVER called for. And using your DAUGHTER in the conflict is just plain wrong.

It could be, you're leaving out some BIG details... but assuming you're not... I do think you should leave, especially if you have some where to go.

If nothing else it will give him some perspective.