At what is age is a child old enough to be told that their parent is transgendered?

Question

I am a pre-op M to F transsexual with a 12 y/o daughtr i havent seen in 3 years and i want to tell her why i've been absent............is she old enough......The mother and i do NOT get along...........

Answer 1

I dont think age is the only factor. You have to look at the childs maturity level and general disposition.
Some people will never be able to deal with it regardless of age. Some may be fine with it in their teens.
They definitly should understand the differences of sex and gender before you tell them, so that they can fully understand.

Answer 2

I would say you are in a tough situation. You are obviously not close to the child. Asking her to accept that you have been gone for three years is hard enough. Asking her to accept a lifechanging piece of news on top is too much to ask.

It's my opinion, but I guess that's what you asked for :), that you should try to become close with her first. Then when you have an opportunity tell her the news. You do have to remember that 12 is a really tough age though. So many changes at one time, hormones, boys, school, home, eeeeek!

If her mother and you do not get along are you 100% sure that she hasn't told her or hinted? I can see a spiteful parent bringing something like that up.

Good luck to you. No matter what, you need to make sure that she knows you love her, wether you are male, female or somewhere in between.

Answer 3

If i were the mother i would not let you any where near that child you sicko.Further more if you were to try and reestablish contact after the last 3 years i would take you to court and humilate and embarasse you.You will have no contact at all with the girl and another thing the phrase daddys litle girl will not be used any more in this house imean if you were half a man you would still be married and supporting your family instead of running off as a selfish person only caring about yourself and leaving family to fend for themselves.You will never get near this girl again if i was mother NEVER NEVER NEVER.

Answer 4

Sad that you're getting such hateful answers to your question.
But you knew that was gonna happen, didn't you.
I applaud your decision.

I feel the child needs to be with you in therapy.
If you haven't had any therapy at all, I strongly suggest you seek professional help in that area....this is a huge life-choice.
Thru a good transgender-friendly and well-educated therapist, I think you and your daughter can work through this.

Answers from the fearful bigots reminds me of the guests on the Jerry Springer Show..LOL

Answer 5

Transgendered issues are so far different the Gay /Lesbian issues as to when a person comes out later in life and then wrestle with the question: When do I tell my kids?

The answer is within you... how mature or sophisticated to know? And yes, she should know.

But more important, the first and foremost thing you need to do is tell her why you hadn't been a part of her life... that will be more important then anything for her to know. That your absence wasn't her fault. That the seperation or divorce wasn't her fault... you have to reenforce it constantly.

Children are resilent in other matters... and your Transgendered journey -- needs to be explained slowly, carefully, with thought and allow her time to be upset, angry, even judgemental, and to ask questions.

Good luck... Oh the colorist who answered first - HASN'T A CLUE!

Answer 6

I agree with people that stated that you might want to get to know her before you pop that one on her. And please don't think anything of these homophobic idiots discouraging you to do so. Speaking as a thirteen-year-old with a family history not many people would be proud of, I am never embarrassed of who I am and where I came from. I laughed out loud when I read somebody's statement that she would commit suicide if she found out the truth. I think your main goal should be to start an actual relationship with your daughter and right any past wrongs you have commited (why did you leave for three years?)

Answer 7

I would slowly work your way back into her life before you spring something like that on her. Make sure she knows you love her and that this is just something you feel you have to do, but you know she'll have a difficult time with it. If you're going through something as heavy as this, maybe counseling would be good to help you deal...and maybe group counseling for all of you. I would definitely tell her sooner than later...children can handle things at a younger age now, but tend to feel parents have lied to them if you wait too long.

Answer 8

Well....I think you should let her know because she is your daughter and probably wants a trustworthy & honest relationship also since it has been 3 yrs. she's probably dying to get to know you. It doesn't matter what her mother thinks of you 'cause that's not who your there to support & love. And if the mother stops you from seeing her then get a court order TO see her...no one can take you away from your own flesh & blood especially if she's(the mother) the one who doesn't want to see you...cause it's not about her!. You'll know when it's the right time and I wish you the best of luck:)

Answer 9

I think it depends on the maturity of the child. But I don't think you should wait too long. Kids see alot and they're more mature than previous generations were. They're also crueler, you don't want her finding out from anyone else but you, that way she can be armed with the truth and understanding is she is confronted by a small minded punk.

Answer 10

I would leave her alone. She's better off not knowing. Why haven't you seen her in 3 years cause you were transforming? Then it should't be so hard for you not to see her now.