How do I control my anger towards my husband?

Question

I have never been violent before, but I am growing violent ever since I got married. I love my husband, but he keeps pushing me to the limits of my tolerance. I can't make him stop treating me badly. What do I do? Divorce is not an option!!!

Answer 1

I am not a marital expert, or a couselor, or psychologist... But I presume you both are on a threshold, the 2-3 years perhaps and that something in yours or his behaviour patterns have changed dramatically -- something that you/he were/was doing or just started doing... I would also presume you are a bit impulsive in nature... First of all, make sure that he loves you back; on offense, but it could be that he's looking to somebody else. DO NOT CONFRONT HIM !!! Just observe him at work, with friends, when alone... Do it quietly, on the background... If you can establish reasonably that there's no such threat, I recommend you a trip back in time: make him fall in love with you as he did the first time, only more deeper now. Love in marriage must be "refreshed" periodically -- it's about those dreadful thresholds or deadpoints -- you need to refuel the flame of passion... if this doesn't work, try talking to him as adults (no forceful positions, emotional blackmail, inflexibility...) Just make him understand that if he continues behaving badly, he will ultimately loose you.
One more thing: are you sure you don't do something that makes him wanting to get even? Carefully check your conduct... If there's nothing to provoke him, then he's the problem...
And as a personal note: I detest the idea of controlling one's emotions (by controlling usually people understand hiding). I tried it and it nearly destroyed me. Feelings are ment to be expressed, especially in a relationship, no matter what their nature is. I'm not saying you have to bash his head with the pan; but yell, even break something, if you have to. Goodbye and good luck ! I hope I've said at least one thing you'll find useful, in all this mambo-jambo...

Answer 2

Do you have kids? You may need to take a break from him. I don't know that anything will fix this except time. You might need to visit a clinical psychologist, or psychiatrist to discuss it. I don't usually recommend them, but for this, yes. Your husband should understand it. Also, if he is not willing to listen to you about this particular issue, that's a problem. I understand that he may be worn out dealing with it, but he caused it. You are not a machine, you are human. But if you are talking about other issues, then if he just doesn't listen, that's a real problem. When I ask my son a deep question, I don't talk, I just listen, until I am sure he's said everything he needs to say. that is what people usually need, listening-wise. If these issues are becoming significantly troublesome to go beyond asking questions here, then you'll probably want to visit with a pastor or a professional marriage therapist.

Answer 3

In order to maintain a healthy marriage both parties must respect each other. If not, your anger will continue to grow to a unhealthy level and you will possibly react to his neglect violently.

Answer 4

When he make you mad you get away from around him or turn some music on that you like, go for a walk , call a friend look at tv do anything but talk to him for a little while.

Answer 5

I don't have a answer for you, I am sorry to say. But I just want you to know, I have gone thru something just like your talking about. My husband pushed me to limits beyond my breaking point once. One night we had already gone to bed, and he started in on "picking on me". The strawl that broke the camels back was he ended up calling me a "*****". I could not get him to shut up, so I jumped out of bed, and ran over to his side of the bed, and slapped him on his bear leg with a open hand. He had been drinking, and he called the law on me. I was shocked!!!....that he would do something that outlandish. Girl, the police game out, and they must of been anti-women, cause they drilled me like I had killed someone. I had also hidden his wallet because I didn't want him to drive in his condition. My husband told them he wanted to leave, (and they could see he had been drinking) but couldn't without his wallet. The fact he was legally drunk didn't seem to phase them, they demanded I give back his wallet so he could leave. They searched our home far and low looking for his wallet and threatening me. I told them, I had no idea where it was. They finally seen the slap mark on his leg, and asked my husband if he wanted to press charges against me. Which for a minute, I could see myself being hauled off to the jail. I have never done a bad thing in my life but I was going down now, it seemed. He finally said "no". But insisted they make me give them his wallet. I am not much of a lier either, so when they started badgering me to hand it over, I stuck with my story and told them I had no idea where it was, he had misplaced it. I almost broke, but "thanks " to my 13 year old son, something he had told me after getting caught in a lie, which came in helpful, he told me "when you lie you commit to the lie, and it becomes the truth and you stick by it. LOL Now you think I 'm crazy, but this is what violence can lead to when your pushed to the limit. So if you end up getting violent, plead insanity and commit to any lies you have to tell. I hope better for you than what happened to me, if you finally lose it.

Answer 6

sure divocrce is an option, you can leave your hubby if you treat him bad, maybe he is thinking the saem thing too.maybe you should think about that. maybe he is thinking about that. maybe you need counceling. maybe you need to seperate for sometime. you are obviously mad at him for something he did to you or your kids or whoever.there is somthing that is getting you mad and you need to find out what it is bothering you and fix it before he leaves you for another women that treat him better.d osomething now before it is too late. could he have cheted on you and you are still holding a grudge?

Answer 7

well you shoul thel him the truth and tell him to chill out so if dosent just lesve went he is working 1 get a aprment bether he wont no 2 tell your parents and stay with them for a while 3 the final one just divorde defentle

Answer 8

Seek professional help and maybe an anger management class.

Answer 9

Dont try controlling your anger, when your husband has had enough he will give you a good slapping, that should stop you.

Answer 10

You need to try to talk things over with him and explain your feelings to him and why you are so angry and work this out together. Good luck to you both.