is it normal to feel so lonely?

Question

I'm 14 years old, i have lots of friends and i often go to parties and shows and stuff... but i still feel very lonely! it's like.... no one really understands me and no one really seems to care about me... maybe i'm a bad person and they just want me for their own amusement or maybe i'm just getting paranoid... i don't know...! help please... =/

Answer 1

I think this is a very sensitive area that I am trying to assist you with, and I hope that if anything, you will take this away from my answer: talk to someone about this, your parents, a counselor at school, or your doctor.

Being lonely sometimes, is normal, we all have our ups and downs, but to feel that you are a bad person, I think is taking it a bit too far, and I am worried about you. Being lonely usually translates into feeling depressed or unhappy, and sometimes it is out of our control, nothing you can do to change that, so you need someone else to help you.

Please, please, please talk to someone about this, someone who you sit in front of, not over the internet.

Answer 2

It's completely normal. Horrible, though, isn't it? You try to combat this loneliness by making an effort, getting out of the house, trying to talk and laugh and participate... It doesn't work. The interactions leave you feeling empty; the conversations feel meaningless. When I was younger, I would sometimes go to a party then disappear- hide somewhere and see if anyone would notice. Sometimes they did; sometimes they didn't. It was silly, really. Even if they did notice, they might not say anything anyway, thinking that I was on the other side of the party or something and would be back soon.
Large groups are especially problematic. You're standing there, with a group of friends. They're all talking, laughing, having fun. You search their faces. They may seem like a tight group. Are you part of it? Do you understand all the in-jokes? If so, do you even find them amusing?
You may look around and see someone who is prettier than you, someone who is more clever, maybe better liked. Crap. Is there something wrong with you? Why does everyone like her? Or them? Maybe you feel that everyone has a lot of amazing qualities and you're somehow... different.

Because you see, when certain people speak, it seems that everyone listens. Why is that? You don't feel respected, your ideas aren't accepted, maybe they aren't into your interests. Basically what it comes down to is that you don't feel important, you don't feel needed, and you wonder what's wrong with you because it seems that everyone else belongs. You wrote that you suspect that these people just want you around "for their own amusement". Like they "kinda like you" but don't really respect you, right? I know the feeling.
What you need is one good friend you can talk to one-on-one. You need a cool, interesting friend who appreciates your interests and understands your perspective. You know, someone who listens to you and someone you like to hear from. One-on-one interactions are less likely to be superficial. Invite a friend over, or a couple; keep the number very small. Or sign onto AIM and chat. Oddly enough, some of my deepest conversations have taken place via AIM. I believe that deep down, we're all pretty similar, some more than others, of course. When you open yourself up to one person, and she to you, sharing beliefs, dreams, and idiosyncracies, you'll find that you are probably very similar. It's magical, beautiful, finding a true friend and it's funny when you find that in a friend you really didn't know too well before. Look, just try it. Be the one to call and invite a friend over. She'll be flattered and will appreciate it. And just hang out. Better one good friend than a crowd of so-so friends. Start with that, but continue going out to some of those parties if you enjoy them, at least a little bit. Stay strong and keep in mind, maybe this just isn't your crowd. You're probably a wonderful person and the fact that you came here for help is positively endearing. You care about yourself and you care about friends. Wonderful. Keep that in mind, and try not to get yourself down. It's a big world out there and there are thousands of people sharing your experience. Maybe you can help each other. In any case, I'd love to hear from you. Email me at my name @yahoo.com. I hope you've found this helpful.

Answer 3

I don't mean to be smart, but you've just described the pain of being 14 years old. There isn't an adult here who won't read your question and just think, "Yeah, that was me too".

This doesn't mean it's not real for you now. Best thing to do is just find and do things that really excite you - clubs, sports, whatever. Do things and find kids away from your school, even. And you should also talk with someone, an older person you trust like a favorite teacher, or maybe your minister or rabbi or youth group leader at church or temple or wherever you go.

You do feel lonely, but you really aren't alone in feeling that way. Good luck!

Answer 4

I've noticed in life we're all assigned a certain role to play within our inner circle of friends and family. We are often sort of pushed into a role and as we get older we find we are out growing it and begin to feel the feeling that you have described. Maybe you've simply out grown your role and you might want to check out some different venues, groups, and interests. This might be difficult at first because when anyone tries to break free of their assigned role everyone else starts to try to hold you back even though they really have no idea why because this feeling is usually subconscious. They just feel a need to cling. Change is very hard for some people so if you feel like everyone might be getting mad as you try to venture out just try to explain how you feel. Not everyone will understand but if someone stands in your way you must question how good a friend they really are. Parents are a whole other story and you will have to still follow their rules just try to be open with them. Good luck and yes I think you're very normal.

Answer 5

It's normal these days for teens to feel sudden and unexplained depression. It's been going on for a long time now and it's nothing new. You may need some sort of a change in your life, something besides the normal routine. This would help the sense of "boredom" that I assume you have. But it will be hard getting your intrige up now to do new things since you probably feel that nothing will be interesting no matter what it is. But it should be corrected eventually. If not see a doctor and tell him/her what your thoughts are. They may prescribe you to an anti-depressant or other prescription that would decrease the chemical imbalance that is probably going on in your head. Speaking of which, you may want to change your diet. Unusual foods in a body cause unusual symptoms so if you've been eating a lot of strange stuff or have been eating a strict routine lately you may want to look into a change in that.

Answer 6

If you have friends and do all you say, it is not normal to be lonely. Your not a bad person. But something is lacking in your life. Love would be my guess. When was the last time your Mother hugged you? Show other people you care and give them your love and hugs and I'm sure it will return to you. Is a teenager you are in that limbo of too young to be an adult and too old to be a child. This will pass. Give it time. Love your way to the future.

Answer 7

Often we create a person for others to 'like', and then we get surrounded with people who like that person. The only problem is, that person is not us, so we still have no one around who likes the real 'us'. The only way to get friends who like the real you is to be courageous enough to BE the real you. The real you is a special, unique person unlike anyone else on the planet, and even though you may think it's 'not good enough', it's more than that...it's essential to this world. So figure out who you really are, what you really feel, your real preferences, talents, values, and gifts you're here to bring to the planet, and start living TRUE to yourself. Yes, you will lose those people who liked the fake you, but you will find those people who appreciate the REAL you...and that's the end of loneliness. :-)

Answer 8

The loneliest place in the world is in the middle of a crowd. Everyone gets lonely. So don't worry about it. At 14 there are many problems waiting around the corner, so this one is minor compared to what is instore for you in the future.

Answer 9

We all have felt that way at one time in our life. If it is persistent and you do not socialize you could become "depressed". I suggest you join a club or hobby class where you would meet people who are like minded and share the same interests. Like a book club. Who knows you may find that you are NOT the only one. I also started writing poetry. You may find online blogging a great expression area. Good luck. By the way. LAUGHTER heals all things, and it feels good too!

Answer 10

Yes it is. The best way not to feel so lonely is to go out and do things and make friends.