should i forgive my ex?

Question

should i try again,we weretogother 4 almost6 yrs but our spilt was bad,id had enough of his drinking and gambling,but now im lonely,we have a 3 year old daughter together and she misses him,but he still drinks heavily,i dunno,i love him but i feel like its gone to bad now,somebody please help me,he says he loveD me meaning he no longer does,but i beg to differ,i also have a 11yr old and i think she likes me being single.

he was like this when i met him but i think i was blind i thought i could change him i didnt, he loves the girls but hardly sees them unless its on his terms,idont want my kids to lose there dad so wot can i do without it getting nasty,he still thinks the breakdown of our realtionship was down to me,and his mum hates me for no good reason,which dont help

Answer 1

look,forget about him. like you've said,he loved you which means he doesn't love you anymore. i know you love him and it's hard,but you must continue a life without him. your kid misses him because he still is her father,and i guess he was nice to her. but when she got old a bit she will realize that is not really amusing to have a daddy who drinks constantly and spends all the money he has on gambling. so you will see,it might hurt from the start,but you will realize later that there's no future in your relationship.

Answer 2

it's pretty simple. If he drinks, he has an addiction and is not concerned enough about the family to 1) stop 2) get help 3) be a father to his child 4) be a good husband.

He has a priority and that is alcohol. You can not compete with that.

Loneliness is hard but it is going to be harder when your daughter has ALL KINDS of problems in her life due to having an alcoholic father. She will be in and out of bad relationships, get fired a lot from jobs, struggle a lot in life and so on. Right now, it's up to you to cast aside your loneliness and either make a good life for her or be somewhere where there is nothing but dysfunctionality and trouble.

Stay where you are and eventually, if he has any guts inside, he will get help and grow into a man.

Answer 3

Has he changed his gambling? If not are you willing to live w/no $? Why can't your 3 yr old have a relationship w/ dad, w/out you going back w/him? You can't make someone love you. Why would you even consider going back, you have 2 kids to raise. And obviously he can't take care of them, so your gonna have to. They need a stable environment, and an alcoholic w/a gambling addiction isn't it!!! Please quit thinking bout yourself, and put your children first. There are a lot of nice guys who will love you and your kids, they just take awhile to find. Hang in there you can do it!! Enjoy the single life, it gives you more time to spend w/your kids. Remeber they grow up so fast!!!

Answer 4

This is from a person who grew up with a "father" that drank a lot. You will do your daughters more good by protecting them from that type of behavior. Your job as a mother is to protect them from the things that they can't protect themselves from. If you do that for them now when they get older they will see him for what he is. It is not healthy to be in a relationship with someone that you want to "change". I think you really know what you should do, you just don't like the answer. I know it is difficult to realize that the fantasies we create aren't going to become a reality, but your life will be so much more fulfilling if you take time to work on yourself, spend time with your girls and one day a functional guy will come along that has already worked through his issues and can treat you like you (and your daughters) deserve to be treated.

Answer 5

If you are that lonely then get out and find a new man. Out with the old, in with the new. If he is still doing the same ole things then he hasn't and wont change no matter what. Why would you want your kids to grow up in that environment? It kills me to see women let men make them so damn weak....Get out and have a good time.

Answer 6

Forgiving has nothing to do with allowing yourself to suffer. If he isn't willing to take a look at what harm his habits might have on you, the family as well as himself then I don't think you should consider getting back together. Sad haul for the 3 year old but she'll feel better about it when she's older.

Answer 7

No you should not my 3 year old son his dad drinks and i left him then took him back he still drank, and would not stop. So I left him again, and if he has not stopped drinking now he wont not even for his child. Trust me do not go back to him. Someone much better will come along.

Answer 8

A person that drinks all the time is not going to be much of a father to ur child anyway....u need to find someone that is going to be there for you and ur children!! Who know when he gets drunk the next time what he may do..

Answer 9

Don't even think about it...this is bad news and you know it. If you are not divorced, finish out the deal and get ample child support. Good grief, girl...what the hell are you thinking? Better yet, ARE you thinking. He is a drunk who is NOT going to change. There are lots of men out there, and there are certainly worse things than living alone....living with a drunk is far worse!

Answer 10

I was like him. He's gonna have to kick the booze one day. Unfortunately men like that realise when it's almost too late. But we do get it, we do, it just takes time. The main thing is that you take care of yourself and the kids. Don't get stuck in depression. I hope he cops on. I hope you find the life you and the kid deserve.