should i be angry?

Question

my husband and i got back together a couple of weeks ago, he has gone out tonight with his friends from work and a girl he kept talking about. he didnt even ask me to go and when i asked if i could go he basically said no.

should i be angry? how should i deal with this?

Answer 1

yes. talk to him...and then let it go...
if he has seen someone while you were separated, you need to know where your marriage stands. good-luck

Answer 2

It's his work pals, I don't even think the thought crossed his mind that you might want to go along. And why WOULD you want to go along. You don't really know these people. If you wanted to go just to keep an eye on him, it's obvious you don't fully trust him yet. This could have something to do with the reason you broke up in the first place. It's an issue you need to address together or you'll just end up back at square one.
If he's mentioning this girl to you, it's highly unlikely she is of any concern.
Arrange a holiday together or something. Get to know each other again. For now, give him his space and you have yours too! Go out with your own mates and have a good time.

Answer 3

You do not say why you and your husband split up. Do you trust him? Or did you do something wrong and you are worried he will do the same?

Did he say why he was going out with people from work? It could have been to celebrate a deal, as a bonding exercise or to celebrate a birthday. Did he come back when he said he would?

Why does he keep talking about this girl? Is it purely because of the work they do? Do you know her, or are you worrying about your imagination?

I used to go out in the evening with people from work a lot - and my husband used to worry until he met them all! Why not suggest to your husband that you have a barbecue or a picnic and invite people from work. You can say this is so you can meet the people so you know who he is talking about. Obviously, partners and children would also be invited. I think you will find that lots of people have the problem of not knowing the people their partners talk about, and this way it does not sound as though you are checking her out!

This may sound like a major undertaking but you could ask people to bring their own food - and I suggest you use paper plates and plastic cups etc. Oh, and you may have to do it twice and invite people from your work as well, to make it fair (if you work). Please make sure you stay sober, though - you do not want to make a fool of yourself and do something you may regret later (like accusing this fat, middle-aged woman with a husband and three children of having an affair with your spouse!!!)

And if she is slim, beautiful, single and charming, the chances are she would not be interested in your husband anyway - she will want her 'own' man!!!

But if he is cheating on you, it is not your fault! By the way, have you suggested that you go to marriage counselling to work through why you broke up in the first place?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 4

So you've only been back together a few weeks and already he's ditching you for his friends and some strange woman he likes to talk about??? Maybe it's just me, but what's wrong with this picture? Since when is it OKAY to exclude the one person in your life that is suppose to be number one in your life? Granted, we all need our own space, but why is he so insistent on not sharing his friends with you? There's more to the story and he's not telling all. Check it out.

Answer 5

My husband does this too (goes out with friends from work and there is a female involved), and I get angry but then I let it go because at the end of the day I think he would not have told me about the girl if she was any threat. And I know he doesn't want to mix his family life with his work life - I also go for drinks with my work mates but keep them seperate from my friends and family. I think you should find out why he doesn't want you to go out with him and his friends and if you can understand and accept his reasons thats cool. If not, tell him to get lost.

Answer 6

you feel what you feel, but yes i would be, its only been a couple of weeks...deal with it in a way that reflects how you want things to be in the future because whatever you do now is going to determine how things go. if he says no you can't go, you tell him this makes you unhappy and he goes anyway thats a HUGE clue that he's not serious about making it work and i'd certainly not sit home alone...say fine you are going out without me so i am going out without you...i recommend dancing with friends but go even if you just sit at your mothers or something just don't let him think he can do whatever he wants when it makes you unhappy and you are going to sit home and wait like a dog he left by the door, let him think you are out having a blast, oh and get home AFTER he does. he'll think twice about not including you again. then tomorrow say well that was fun...is this what you meant by working things out? i could go out without you when we were seperated.

Answer 7

definately be angry. see, i have been in that situation w a hubby as well. just getting back together, you dont want to say much or piss him off bc you dont want to ruin what ur trying to now fix, right? and if you do and get into a fight early on, then he'll leave again and it'll be heartbreak all over again. let em know how u feel, and u have every right to wonder or b jealous or say no. if he doesnt respect u on that, he is not worth it. u should no, dont waste ur time being quite

Answer 8

Youu need to sit down and communicate with him if it is bothering you... communication is the only way it will work out. Do so with no erratic or extreme emotion just put it all on the table.. be truthful and respectful and see what he has to say.. let him know that you would have liked to have gone or at least invited.

Answer 9

Id be very angry. He's a cheeky bastrd. Why bother getting back with you if he's just gonna talk about some auld tart all day and not takr you anywhere. I dont trust them at all. Sorry love.

Answer 10

i'm a lady and i realize that ur upset,however realize that this may just be in ur head,but definetley check it out ask his friends. but don't over react that will make him and this other girl closer. if hes cheating get a divorce and lay it on the table 4 him,or spell it out 4 him. make him understand how u feel. show him that u need his respect and dedication he made the committment. well good-luck. ;-)

Answer 11

i would be very angry but there is a way to deal with just about every situation. he keeps talking about this girl, maybe he wants to pursue a relationship with this girl. my advice break it up before your feelings are hurt again. men know better than to talk about a girl from work. he may want to screw her. either way get out before your hurt again.