I have an extremely high sex drive, even for a young man of my age. In contrast my girlfriend has an incredinly low sex drive in comparison with other girls.
We both love each other and realise that sex plays a secondary role in the relationshio itself, and we both realise that we should accomodate each others desires...eg, I need to calm down a bit, she needs to become more providing (is that an acceptable term?)
Anyway my question is, who do you think, if you had to sway one way or the other, should be a little more accomodating of who?
Like I've already said the sex is secondary but I'm sure you all realise physical urges can become especially overpowering and we have agreed to help each other change. But what would you say?
I'm not trying to be sexist or obsessive here but would just like to hear what you'd do in our position.
2006-06-24 08:35:22 · 11 answers · asked by DaveyMcB 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
Studies have shown that men and women have their sexual peaks at different times in their lives. Men have their peak in their twenties, while women tend to peak in their mid to late thirties. So this is not odd.
It could become a real problem in your relationship…or not. Obviously sex is a crucial part of an adult intimate relationship. If you aren’t getting what you need at “home”, your mind (if not your penis) will wander. I’m not suggesting that you are a cheater. Right now, you may not be able to imagine betraying your girl in that way. But if she doesn’t “change” like you want her too then you may just look someplace where it is easier to get.
In answer to your question, I don’t think that anyone should necessarily be more accommodating. I think it is great that you guys communicate so well about your sexual desires because many couples don’t. That’s the start. But “changing” probably shouldn’t be the goal here. I’m not sure if sex drive is something that will change that drastically without the use of medications or herbal supplements. Your expectations may be too high. Instead, how about making the commitment to be more accommodating and considerate of your partner. That is a more realistic goal.
My suggestion to you is to try aphrodisiacs if she even wants to have a higher sex drive. There may be something missing from her diet why she has an unusually low sex drive and/or from yours that you have an unusually high one.
Also, try being more creative in the bedroom. Lots and lots of foreplay just for no reason at all. Don’t even think of it as foreplay; just think of it as intimacy.
2006-06-24 09:03:59 · answer #1 · answered by Mocha_latta_ice 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've got the same problem except I'm the girl with the high sex drive... I could have sex 3 times ( or more ) a day!! if I don't get any for 2 days in a row I'm an absolute Bit*h!!! i'll admit that!
my husband could go for a week without it( maybe more)
we've been togetther for 6 years and it's always been that way...normally we have sex every other if not every day.
you should work it out if not your going to cheat ...not because you don't love her but because you have a strong sexual need ( been there done that!)... sex can be more than just intercorse... b>j's, or a good old hand job, oral, or let her watch you masterbate...or do it alone... at leasst your both trying to meet in the middle ... good for you!
2006-06-24 15:44:57 · answer #2 · answered by JeNe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When my husband and I fist met, he was the one with a lower sex drive! I used to get really upset and feel rejected when he didn't want any and I did. We used to have massive fights about it. Then somehow over time things turned around and now he likes it more often than I do. I usually oblige, even if I'm not really feeling up to it, because I remember what its like to be rejected. And even when I'm really tired and not in the mood, its not such a big sacrifice to just get on with it - and often I end up enjoying it anyway. So, even from a female point of view I would say its more important for the relationship if the one with a lower sex drive makes an effort. Because feeling uncomfortable for a while is not as bad for a relationship as feeling rejected is.
2006-06-24 15:56:28 · answer #3 · answered by Mountaineer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem as you. I have an extremely high sex drive and I haven't yet been able to find a man who can keep up.
Unfortunately with our problem you can't sway one way or the other but meet right in the middle.
Yes we all have physical urges but I have pushed so many men away from me by trying to sway one way or the other.
In the end I brought sex toys so when he didn't want it I went and relieved myself and he tried a bit harder as well. We also did it slower and longer which also helps the urge.
2006-06-24 15:49:45 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have this problem in reverse. My partner is a fair bit older than me and i do have a rather large sexual appetite that is not quite fulfilled. However, i do not go out and sleep with other men, that would be so many kinds of worng. I do, however, accept that he does not want it as often as i do and so have invested in, um, toys to wile away those times i want it and he doesn't.
I wouldn't say either of you needs to change. Just be tolerant of each other and perhaps she could give in a little more and you could not hassle her any more. Another trick my ex used with me, he had a drive higher than i did, was to try it on and i would say no. He used to hassle me but then just started saying "ok then" and turning over. within a few minutes i then wanted it and we were both happy. Didn't always work but at least i didn;t feel pressured.
2006-06-24 15:42:42 · answer #5 · answered by willowbee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you seem to be a very nice gentlemen. and you seem to have a brain on your shoulders, some men would not even care. your right sex relations do play secondary. however,if your young or middle age there is nothing wrong with you. talk to your partner let her know you are going threw a period ware you are sexually active. and you would love it to be with her. also, be alittle understanding regarding her desires.some days you may have to take a cold shower and forget it.the bible says not to deprive your mate of relations. it says to look out for the other persons needs. so its saying sometime you have to give in and please your partner.on your part you need to remember to be more concerned at times if she is not willing. the good book is talking regarding married couples. but it may help in your situation. communication is the best policy!! good communication and understanding works things out. i hope this will help you and if you have questions e-mail me at ryoutrue2@yahoo.com your friend Kat thank you
2006-06-24 16:07:38 · answer #6 · answered by shiznick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should calm down some because then she will be able to be more "providing" as you said without having to change a huge amount and then maybe she will become more active and then force you to go back to normal :-D
2006-06-24 15:47:44 · answer #7 · answered by Nny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Help her get in the mood more often by learning new techniques and really concentrating on loads of foreplay.
Ask what she really likes and do lots of it. If this doesn't get her wheels turning nothing will.
2006-06-24 15:50:00 · answer #8 · answered by The Wandering Blade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would say her even when im not in the mood it wont take long for me to be the only time i really dont care for it is first thing in the morning but that wont stop me ethier i love my fiance very much
2006-06-24 15:42:10 · answer #9 · answered by janet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only time I don't have sex with my husband is when the baby is awake!
2006-06-24 15:38:27 · answer #10 · answered by Wendi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋