but he got a few dui's and got into trouble and that is what seemed to make him quit since he quit (about 3 years ago) he has slipped a handful of times and the last time he got voilent and raped me but my question now is that there is a wedding recp. we are suppose to go to tonight and he wants to go and have a beer and makes me feel guiltly because I would rather stay at home I do I deal with this????!!!
2006-06-24 08:23:01 · 7 answers · asked by jdhoggiebuns 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
let me add to this I was an abused wife until 5 years ago and the violence stopped for 5 years it stopped until this last time he got drunk and yes there are 2 kids my whole thing is how do I let him know that the thought of him drinking again makes me sick and scared with out bringing up past problem?
2006-06-24 08:37:32 · update #1
Oh girl...my husband is an alcoholic as well. he doens't drink all the time, but when he does he cannot stop and sometimes becomes abusive (verbally=always, physical=occasionally). I have stopped doing things in my life that I used to enjoy because I know there will be beer involved and he will ruin my good time by gettting shitfaced (concerts, camping, vacations (even our honeymoon), baseball games, bars, etc.). Good for you for taking responsibilty for your drinking problem. You deserve better, so I say leave him. The stress of it all has got to bother you, doesn't it?? And stress alone causes a myriad of health problems. Do yourself a favor and end the marriage and better your life. And hello....he RAPED you??! You have got to leave him and seek counseling for yourself. Life has got to be better for you without him.
2006-06-24 08:48:57 · answer #1 · answered by animal_mother 4 · 7⤊ 1⤋
well the first thing is that u need to be stong enough to get away from him.. obviously he's back to doing the same thing as before so this time it might be worse. u have children so u definitely need to do the right thing for them. and If he raped u y are u on here askin about goin to a wedding recp. instead u need to be pressing charges against this man.. U don't excuse something like that jus because he's ur husband. rape is rape.. and abuse is abuse no matter what or who it's coming from. It's time for you to get a little bit more respect for urself and ur children and seek help now while u still can. Move on honey, there are plenty of good decent men out there.. U need to think about all the women out there who r abused on a daily basis and how they never make it out. Good Luck to you God Bless
2006-06-24 18:47:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy....I am ill-epuipped to answer this one, but here goes. IF your husband is hell bent on having a few beers, you and I both know it will not stop at a few beers. He will probably end up making an *** of himself and damaging the wedding reception. IF I were you, I wouldn't set foot within a mile of the place. And, I think I would go visit my parents or someone for the night if you have a place to go. You do not need to see the mess, you do not need to be around a drunk, and you do not need to be around alcohol. IF I were you, I think I would seriously consider going to AL-ANON starting very soon. It appears that your husband has gone back to the booze. Personally, I could not deal with the problem well...naw, I couldn't deal with it at all, nor would I . Your husband has choices, and he is making bad ones. You deal with this by knowing you have nothing to do with his actions, you are not responsible for his actions, and you protect yourself from his possible actions. I might consider calling the host of this party and warning them to keep an eye out for him...But I may be over reacting. I do know that I would not be home when he came home...Smile, Tell him to go on to bed when he gets home, and not to wait up for you......that will get his attention quickly!
2006-06-24 15:48:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you should leave him. if he is getting violent well drunk that is not right. tell him that he needs to reiceive treatment or you are going. i don't think that you would like to be raped and beat everytime he drinks. and what if their are kids involved they will grow up to think that it is ok to carry on this behavior. you have to think of the future and all. but for the time for you to focus on what is best for you. you said you have been clean for 5 years that is good. but is staying with him going to make you start drinking again. really focus on you and what is best. he needs to hit rock bottom before he can come back up again. and treatment maybe the best thing. inpatient is good. it works wonders. how is he when you take the alcohol away. is he really bad and mean. there is a clue that he is addicted. but raping you while drunk is the worst. i wouldn't personally stand for it at all.
2006-06-24 15:34:01 · answer #4 · answered by short.lil_momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my God, sweety, you need to get out of there NOW! If he got violent, AND raped you, next time you might not be able to get out of there. Did you even call the cops on his ***? most likely not.
Are there children in your household? please please for the sake of them get them and yourself out! This will only get worse, and I'm telling you, I know how bad it gets! They don't change, they don't get better. Unless something really bad happens, if he doesn't get support, counseling for his temper (cause you know, booze is only the enabling factor, there are buttons that are pushed with an alcoholic, and taking away the booze infuriates them).
The guy needs counseling, and if he doesn't do it on his own, then he doesn't think he has a problem. What will it take for you? He might love you, or so he says, but love doesn't mean that someone kicking the crap out of you.
Please get out of there, get out and get your sanity back. You deserve someone who truly loves you, who will not hurt you, who will care for you and confort you. I know how hard it is cause I was there, and even if they do decide to get help, they still take things out on you, even when sober, and then it's just as bad because they do it sober, without booze to be a factor.
Please think about this, there are many support groups that can help you, I know, i went to one free of cost.
2006-06-24 15:48:49 · answer #5 · answered by grldragon101 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is using "guilt" he has control issues and it more than just the alcohol.
Stand your ground! If you give in now, he will expect and "guilt" you into doing it again.
Sounds like he's not a nice drunk either...
Consider getting out! You deserve better.
2006-06-24 15:28:32 · answer #6 · answered by Salvation is a gift, Eph 2:8-9 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband doesn't respect your sobriety. if he doesn't clean up you should divorce him, nothing wrong with that.
2006-06-24 15:27:14 · answer #7 · answered by rustang4698 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋