What is the best way to handle my situation?

Question

I have left my husband of 30 years because of many reasons including deceiving and lying to me. I feel that our problems are between us and I have kept it that way. He says he wants me to come back but does not even discuss the problems we have with me. He goes around and tells enormous lies to all of our friends and adult children. I have been sitting back watching all this unfold and seeing him get caught in a few lies with our children because he tells lies about them to each other. I feel bad for our children as he is trying to make them take sides and he is hurting them. I feel he even has turned my good friend against me because she avoids me now. I feel there is something very wrong with him as he was not always like this. Do you think it is best for me to continue to keep my mouth shut? because I do not want to hurt anyone and especially our kids...I don't want to put them in the middle even if he says lies about me.

Answer 1

When you said "I think there is something very wrong with him as he was not always like this", it all reminds me of my father during the last 15 years of his life. He was the perfect father and great husband to my mother until at about 65 years old he got diabetes and then started a decline. His thought processes became odd and he became paranoid, made irrational decisions, became abusive, seemed delusional at times, and we could not find a cure after working extensively with his doctor, psychologist etc, but later (when it was too late) we found out that he had symptoms of Alzheimers and this is what apparently triggered so many irregularities in his personality change. The doctor prescribed medicine and it calmed him and made things better. But then he passed away. Your story about how he seems to have changed so dramatically and you can't think of a reason for it, makes me wonder if there could be a medical explanation. But getting him to a doctor and treated may be impossible for you to accomplish. I would confide in your children and talk. Keep it accurate and own up to blame if you share any, but talk to them.

Answer 2

I applaud you for leaving him! I would too! Your children need to get together and talk with each other to solve what's going on. he shouldnt be putting them in the middle of it anyway. I would say he's doing that to get your attention. I wouldnt keep my mouth shut, let him know that you think its wrong to put your kids in the middle of something that is clearly between you both. once a lie is started, another has to be told just to cover that one up, then another and another and pretty soon, so many have been told that the story isnt straight anymore. let him tell his lies...karma has a funny way of coming around and putting him into place!

Answer 3

wow i really feel for you bcuz i know u want 2 say something but it Will only make you look defensive ! continue to be the bigger person here and if anyone is mature enough 2 seek the truth out 4 themselves choose your words wisely and answer their questions, and i applaude u 4 not saying anything it takes a strong and wise person to know when and when not 2. and don't take him back ! and as far as your friend is concerned she was not smart enough to know who you really are she believed his lies so it doesn't say much 4 her as well! good people don't have to say i am a good person it will just show. be Strong

Answer 4

i think you should tell the truth to your kids and your friends. they deserve to know the truth. it will only hurt them even more if they found out the truth later on. why dont you just tell them the truth and let them decide who is right and who to believe. i mean as long as you do your part, you wont feel guilty or have any grudge about this later on or have any that will haunt you at the end. i respect your decision and goodluck with this complicated marriage and family issue. hope the best for you and your children.

Answer 5

seems a lot like my dad. course, my dad does it cuz hes clinically not well in the head. and inspite of tellin my mom a hndred times to leave him, she just wont listen.
sometimes, i think shes right. and sometimes i dont.
but this isnt about me. its about you.
lady, i will not say "do this" or "do that". what i will do is suggest consulting a marriage counsellor or even a regular counsellor. it is very likely that stress or frustration is causing your husband to act like that. or there could be an even bigger cause for this behaviour lying just below the surface.
if you do find the reason, then its up to you to decide whether you want to help him overcome it or just walk out.
if not, it still is upto you whether or not you want to accept him with his faults (something u also did wen you married him) or not.
remember, he has stood by you through your bouts of PMS (pre-menstrual stress). wut he is probably facing is andropause. dont you think its your turn now?

Answer 6

It's time to move on...

Leave the adult kids out of the divorce. It between you and him.

Some people believe their own lies...even when the truth fits better. These people don't change, they just continue to lie...no matter who it hurts.

You deserve better!

Answer 7

Truth will stand tall and straight when everything else has fallen by the wayside. I ran into the same thing myself, but you know what........right prevailed. You are a smart woman. The kids aren't fools, and they KNOW the truth, regardless of what he says. Stand strong! You are to be admired!!

Answer 8

he decieved u and lied to u 30 years ago.. looks like he is up to his old tricks... stop communications with him until he can b decent..ur kids know more than what u think.. they can see through all the sh*t

Answer 9

You're right not to say anything. Your kids will see what's going on and who to trust. He will get what he deserves. Good luck.

Answer 10

It's a difficult situation. I would continue to take the high road.

Best of luck, and God bless.