My husband attended a stag do at a strip club recently. I had no problem with that, fine look at the menu but eat at home I say. 2 weeks AFTER that night he tells me he forked out for a private strip in a private cubicle (though he moans when I spend on riff raff) and to add insult to injury, sighs and says he wishes I could dance like that!! (which I do try maybe I'm not dirty enough, who knows but it is besides the point). Its been months now, and I really don't feel I can ever trust him, if I had the money and we didn't have kids I would have left for SURE - for a married man to do that is unforgiveable, I don't care if he didn't actually touch her he was obviously lusting after the girl in my eyes - he can't understand why I have a problem with it. Possibly I'm being ridiculous, I don't know. What are your views guys/dolls? Thanks.
2006-06-24 06:57:48 · 15 answers · asked by Nikita 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to be shelling out money for strippers - especially when there are things that his family could use. But, he didn't cheat on you - he went to a strip club and acted irresponsibly.
Tell him how you feel and just be honest with him. He may not know how much you are upset about what he did. Him making comments and comparing you to a stipper wasn't the best thing he could have done - he shouldn't be comparing you to a woman who makes it her career to seduce men. He should be building you up as a wife and be thrilled to come to someone who loves him.
2006-06-24 07:06:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He had no business as a married man to go to a strip club. You had no business "having no problem with that". What did you expect would happen?? Men are wired visually, it's like sending a toddler into a candy store and telling him not to sample anything in the store. I mean why even dangle the temptation in front of his eyes? He's wrong, but so were you.
How was this going to help your marriage any? Now you're in a pickle and don't know what to do. How about admitting to your husband that you made a stupid choice and that you are not fine with it, and quite possibly never really were. How about doing that and then actually being honest with eachother when it comes to this type of thing, it's okay to set boundaries with eachother and talking about things that you are not comfortable with the other doing. In a marriage it's all about the trust, if you don't have it you won't last. Make smarter descisions together in the future. JMHO!
2006-06-24 15:20:08 · answer #2 · answered by dixi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand that it would be hurtful to think of him with another woman like this. The thing is, most guys have done this or would do this if the opportunity arose. Most would never tell their partner at all. Remember that he would have not been allowed to touch this lap dancer. She is performing the dance for 1 reason and 1 reason only - money. She would not be interested in dating or having a relationship with your husband - she just wants his cash.
Him saying that she was a better dancer than you is very unfair though. Of course she is going to be better at it - she does it for a living! If you really want, you can get proper pole dancing lessons at various clubs and you can learn to be as good as them! However at the end of the day he should be making you feel that it is only you he loves and wants. But I dont think you should get too worked up about it. Its just a guy thing and it was a stag night so it is a kinda stereotypical thing for men to do.
2006-06-24 14:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by Showaddywaddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a former dancer i can assure you that a private dance in a club is harmless in most clubs anyway. As a married woman i wouldn't care who danced for my husband let him have his fantasy i have his heart. I am sure if you was at a club with the girls watching guys dance and everyone is partying you wouldn't stop to think before you bought a dance either it's harmless fun be thankful you don't have a husband that is a cheater drunk or beating on you get over it and move on with your life
2006-06-24 14:06:55 · answer #4 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have answered your own question. Everyone has there own comfort zones/boundaries and your husband has crossed one for your marriage. He needs to be made to understand he has broken your trust. Whatever my own views on how your husband spends his money I think it is particularly unacceptable for him to now compare you or ask for to dance like the stripper.
I think you need to address this somehow and would recommend a specialist relationship counsellor. But I think a big issue seems to be that you believe yourself to be "trapped" in your marriage because of economic reasons. Maybe you should consider some positive steps that could help resolve this.
I really hope that you get your husband to understand your perspective.
2006-06-24 14:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHY do you think this okay? Why were you okay with him going to a strip club?? You obviously have no concept of what marriage is about. He has cheated on you and you have no right to complain because you allowed it!! This is not okay.
You need to have a serious talk and explain to him that this is unacceptable behavior form a married man (or woman). It can never happen again.
2006-06-24 14:02:45 · answer #6 · answered by oremus_fratres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him girl- how dare he disrespect you in this manner, and then have the bloody cheek to compare you with some aids riddled slag putting it out for all to see??? Then on top of that, he pays out money for a repeat performance!!!!!! Tell the bastard to leave- pack the dustbin bags yourself. You don t need a man like this, and your kids sure as hell deserve a better father. You deserve a hell of a lot better than this shitty treatment, so chuck him out- they arent all like that, and the right one is out there for you. How would he like it if you did the same with some well-hung male stripper and then went home and said you wished he had a 12" dick like the stripper???? Very good luck to you.
2006-06-25 17:33:10 · answer #7 · answered by k0005kat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your overreacting to the situation. The bottom line is it's just a dance. And how do u know if he wasnt lusting after u through her? I think u should try to dance like that for your husband because as his wife u be his one true private dancer. And have him dance for u too!
2006-06-24 14:06:14 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, your husband is a Jackass.I would take the same amount of cash he spent on the strippers and get me something that makes me feel perty.I would let him know that I spend what he spends when he wants to go out.
2006-06-24 14:02:16 · answer #9 · answered by Lilly K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answers to date are too long. Forget the detail and who did what! Rights and wrongs. This a symptom and not the cause of your relationship problems. Talk to eachother as you clearly are not. And then stay and build. Or leave.
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2006-06-24 14:29:27 · answer #10 · answered by Ade Babe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋