Long, but I need some different perspective:
Lover of many years has gone about alienating my entire family, one at a time...to the point that they do not want to be around him. The final blow was with his treatment of my son a few days ago. I am not saying that any of this was without reason, but my lover's reaction is always disproportionate to the "crime." My lover is a staunch liberal of Latino heritage (born a US citizen, never been exposed to Latino problems), has always had the looks of a god, but is now aging rapidly. His entire life is wrapped up in our house. He has caused serious breaches with every family member of mine, and now not even my older son will come around my house. IF he is attempting to isolate me through his insecurities, it ain't gonna happen. I think there is no cure for the problem, and I foresee lots of separate vacations. I find this extremely sad, disconcerting, and depressing. I suspect my family thinks I have a screw loose for keeping him around.
2006-06-24 06:39:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I would suggesting branching yourself out from your lover. It seems that the lover is harming you in pushing away your family. You need family, and it isn't worth losing them over a lover. You may love that person to death and never want any harm to come to them, but you have to let go. I know it is hard and painful, but in the end you will be better off for you will have your family, and people around you who will never hurt you like this person has. I hope all turns out well, and good luck in your life!
2006-06-24 06:44:53 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I understand you love him (or loved him once) but If he's alienated your family and not shown them due respect for your benefit, then he doesn't respect you either.
What sort of a relationship is that to be in?
I'm sorry to have to say, I'm with your family on this one - you MUST have a screw loose!
[EDIT - had a little think and thought my answer was too abrupt]
It also sounds like the time for talking it through has passed. Besides, when did a leopard ever change its spots?
I fear that he may be (or have been) jealous of your family; and their significance in your life. Perhaps he felt - however inaccurately - that he was always on the outside, looking in?. His actions may have been defensive and sub-conscious in origin.
Regardless for his reasons, this isn't just about you and him though, is it?
You have to weigh up your happiness in your life with this man against the continued hurt (a rebuff) you show your family by staying with the man who so disrespected them.
Not something I can answer for you, your family politics are your own affair.
Best wishes y un abrazo fuerte desde el RU
2006-06-24 14:47:14 · answer #2 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with "oldwhatshername" fully.
Regardless how difficult it may be, you need to open up the lines of communication with him. If that's not possible (perhaps the thought of doing so is too uncomfortable for you, or if you feel that his responses may be calculated to further cause distress, etc), then seek the aid of a professional counselor. Many specialize in **Gay couple's therapy** -- it's not a great leap of the imagination to understand that we have issues and resolutions that often differ from the Breeders -- and will lend special and deeper insight into your problem...which, in my opinion, has reached critical mass.
My thoughts are with you guys.
Namaste
If only more people would do as you've done = take the risk to be kind.
2006-06-24 14:29:29 · answer #3 · answered by Specious λ Neurotica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What have you told him about the way you feel? What is his excuse for his actions - you say that they are not entirely unjustified, just disproportional - tell him you think so. If his actions are seriously damaging both your relationship with him and your relationship with your family, you need to let him know that and possibly issue an ultimatim if he seems apathetic. I'm sure you would like to maintain healthy relationships with both him and your family - if anyone else came in the way, would you give them special treatment? Open communication (no matter how awkward it may be) is the only solution.
Have a pleasant day.
2006-06-24 14:04:10 · answer #4 · answered by oldwhatshername 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe in Jesus, and my advice is if you can have a relationship with a woman instead, if you can do that.
But as a person to person. Talk with your partner and tell how you feel. You obviously love Him. Say that you love him if you love him, and say that you also love your family. And you do not want to be in a relationship where there is going to be serious issues with your family and friends. Ask from him, what he is willing to do about the problem. And depending on what he answers, make your decision to continue your relationship.
I just let you know, that answering this question was a stretch for me. Live in peace.
2006-06-24 14:05:27 · answer #5 · answered by SeeTheLight 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brother, when somebody loves you the way you deserve to be loved, he would never hurt others who mean a lot to you. My partner's family hate me, however, I have never EVER done and never will do anything to separate my guy from them, because they mean the world for him. If I can't get along with them, the problem is mine, and should not be his. I cannot put him in a place where he would have to choose between his own flesh and blood and me. I am also a latino, and baby, when we go bad, we go BAD. Drop the dude. I know it's hard, to break up: but is it easier to break up with your family than with him? You knew the right answer all along, didn't you?
2006-06-25 01:24:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
...and your family has every right to think you have a screw loose if you continue to allow your lover to pour black paint all over your families' relationships.
You should have stopped this crap long, long ago.
You two need a LONG talk.
2006-06-24 14:00:49 · answer #7 · answered by Spencer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I'd have said hasta la vista by now. No one, and I mean NO ONE, will ever be allowed to come between me and my kid. Even my wife.
2006-06-24 13:44:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
can we all say "mid- life crisis" leave him your family is more important and maybe he'll realize how important you are to him and change his ways but not likely in matters of the heart it is not that easy but... follow your heart, and think of yourself and your future with your family
2006-06-24 13:44:21 · answer #9 · answered by blue_eyed_woman_23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better.
2006-06-24 17:00:30 · answer #10 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋