Grieving the loss of a parent?

Question

My mom passed away in March of this year from leukeima. I miss her terribly still.

Is it just me, or do others think that our society sort of expects you just to move on quickly after the death of a parent? People only ask how me how my Dad is coping (which of course it's been hard for him to). It's like people don't even acknowledge the depth of losing a parent. I know it's natural to lose your parents, but it still hurts so much. I am 26, but I still feel like I need my Mom very much. I'm just going through the motions right now...I go to work every day, go to grad school at night, try to stay positive, but it takes everything I have to do so.

By being so busy though, I'm afraid I'll forget everything my mom taught me, and that really scares me. I'm afraid of crash-and-burn too.

To those who have went through this, does grief conseling help? I'm very reserved when it comes to feelings, so I can't really imagine discussing them with anyone face-to-face

Thanks Everyone who responded. It means very much to me. I appreciate each of your words. It's been been a hard year and a half.... I've found comfort from your responses.

It wouldn't be right for me to pick a best answer because I'm grateful for each.

Sincerest Thanks

Answer 1

People are uncomfortable with death and so it may look as if they don't care about your Moms passing on. Support groups offered at a church or funeral home will put you in contact with people who are more able to understand some of what you are going through.

Your life has changed forever and you need to embrace that. It will seem unbearable for a while but life goes on and your mothers memory will comfort you.

Answer 2

Grief counseling may help; but this is a great forum for discussing feelings that are difficult to relate face-to-face.

It's hard to lose a parent at any age, your mother couldn't have been very old, you miss her and need her. A very hard time for you and your Dad, try to comfort one another , the worst will pass.

There never will be a time when you don't feel grief for your loss..but the days will pass and you will be happy again. Be as positive as you can. Keep in mind that the last thing your Mom would want is for you to get so bogged down in grief that you can't function. It'll never be o.k. again, but it will get 'all right'.

Blessings to you.

Answer 3

Well, this is a tough question because my parents are both alive right now. But from my experience, writing can relieve you from stress. If you feel like missing her terribly, just write all your feeling to a special diary for your mom. It's not only lifting up your grieve, but also makes you always remember about your mom's teaching by writing it. also, if you can draw a little, try to get your mom's latest photo, and draw it into that diary. the feeling while drawing your mom I believe will make an imagination that your mom is still there and accompany you. with that, I'm sure you'll remember quickly how would your mom tell you what action to take when you're in a such situation.

and yes, I'm sure that your mom wouldn't want you to grieving her for a too long time, but she wants you to wake up and continue your living -- that's what she meant when she giving you birth. and now with her passed, think that your mom wouldn't leave you if you are not ready. and she thinks you are ready to face the world without her already, so that now she can sleep happily and moved to a better place. don't you happy that she's in a better place now? so now get up and continue your life, better and better, for the memory of your mom's sake.

Answer 4

In my opinion this society does expect you to just go on as ususal after the death of a parent. I lost my dad in 2002 and 10 months later I lost my mom. I can tell you for about 2 years I went through the motions of life, but I was truly in a daze. Not a day goes by that I don't think about both of my parents. You never stop missing them, you do learn to live with it though. You're doing a positive thing for yourself by keeping busy, working and going on in the right direction in your life! I am sure your mom is looking down at you and is very proud of you. She will always be in your heart. As time goes on you will find it will become easier to talk about her and remember the memories you have. Right now it probably hurts too much when those memories come into your head and you are probably pushing them out to try and stop more pain. You'll have good days and bad days on that emotional roller coaster.
Time does help you heal and cope with it. Along with having people that have walked your path to talk to. You'll find people that have never lost a parent really don't know what to say or do. Other than tell you they are sorry for your lose.
If you feel counseling would help you, then seek it. I never went for it myself I just took it one day at a time and I still do.
And remember.....you still have your dad... take time with him. Don't take for granted he will always be there. Cherish the moments with dad and the memories. As time goes on the 2 of you will share memories together of your mom.
Good Luck to you and remember .... take one day at a time.

Answer 5

Hi,
I'm so sorry about your loss. My mother died 28 years ago and I still miss her. I think you always miss people you love when they are gone. There are many times I go somewhere or do something when I think about how I would have liked to have her with me. That being said it does get better over time. I find on certain holidays or family events that I still get a little sad but now when I think about her I ususally smile and remember her in a good way.

It's important to have people in your life that care about you and are there for you. Grief counseling can help - groups are good as there are other people who have experienced what you have. If attending a group feel too threatening finding a grief counselor to talk to can help.

Answer 6

First of all I am sorry for YOUR lose. You are going through the grieving process. You have to allow your body to go through all the emotions. Sometimes it can take years. My best friend still grieves for her mother and she died 15 years go.

By going to work you are doing the right things. You have to do what you think your mother would want.

I still have my mother. But I have excepted that one day I won't. I will probably loose my father first and that is hard on me because like you am close to both my parents.

If you believe in God then you believe she is not suffering anymore and that should be a relief to you.

Once again I am sorry for YOUR lose. It hurts you as well as your father and you have to cope as well. Leukemia is such a mean little disease.

Answer 7

Bless your heart, I lost my Mom too only 3 yrs ago.
Many people told me to go to grief counseling, but I chose not to and I just remember her all the the time, talk to her, feel her presence etc. Plz do not worry you will never ever forget what your Mom taught you, or anything about her.

Most importantly, do not forget that she is always with you in spirit-ALWAYS.
(im not religious either, just know from exp. that my Mom is always with me)

I miss her every day, and you will too...time passing only makes it a tiny bit easier to deal with, and takes some of the sting out of the pain.

So I cannot answer about grief counseling helping, it's all dependant on the person, and if you want to try it or not.
I can tell you that (again I stress withOUT the aid/crutch of religion or "God", or counseling in my life) i have been able to make it thru and losing my Mom-for I know she is much happier & in a better place now.
I just talk to her alot, and laugh about the funny things we went thru & did together....I know she loves to laugh too.

My heart goes out to you, but you will find a way to come to terms with it, just look inside yourself, ask what it is YOU need, and give yourself that gift, no matter what it is....for me it was privacy at first, but "it" is everchanging and i do not deny myself what I need to get thru whatever happens, including my Mom's unexpected death.
Give yourself the same freedom, and dont let anyone tell you "how" to grieve, for each of us it is a diferent process!

Good luck,
Jill

Answer 8

Oh Dear! Thassa tuffy!
I lost an Aunt back in '76 who was SO GOOD to me, and FUNNY, TOO! She died of diabetes related something, I hope! Something else couldda happened.
But, EVERY TIME a friend has a loss, someone always comes to me and says,"Let them work it out on their own. They have to get through it on their own." And it frustrates me when it happens! I wanna take them out, and just let them see sights and things, but, I feel like I'm intruding if I ask, because of what the people said to me about leaving them alone.
It's really weird. My Aunt's death CRUSHED me, and I went on an 18 year wild run, from about everybody. I think I am better BECAUSE of it, but, sometimes I feel I don't know who I am because of it!
But, 18 years later, a friend died of a blood disease, and it happened JUST THE WEEK I started BACK to CHURCH. And THAT WEEK, the Church began a Grief Relief class, that really did me good. Part of the grief, is not understanding death. My Dad tells me this, and I have to be told over and over again,"Death is as much a part of life itself, as natural as life."
Also, you might try asking friends over to do things, or ask thhem to go shopping with you, in order to let them KNOW they aren't intruding?

Answer 9

Sorry about your loss. I to lost my mother about 12 years ago to pneumonia. I was on active duty, and not home at the time of her illness, but I was able to be home at her time of passing. She was the sister I never had {my best friend}. But I thank God everyday for the time we shared. I took me a while to come to terms with her passing with support from family and friends. I did manage, because she was a very strong woman and instilled that strength in my brother and I. Also feel at times she is looking down to let me know everything will be okay and for me to be strong and do the best I can for my family and self.

Answer 10

hi there, i think society does expect us to move on..get over it, suck it up they say...more a less those people have never experienced the death of a mother or father they don't know how it feels until it happens to them..i lost my dad in 1997 and i still hurt terribly..i lost my bf sept 2004 and i still cry everyday..i have been to one on one coucelling but i am finding a group better...you don't have to speak in the group if you choose not too, but just listening to other people helps..i know in time the pain lessons but it never goes away completely you just learn to cope with it..and one thing that can't be taken is our memories..so we have to reflect on those....good luck and i hope you get some councelling because i think it will help you out in your time of need..