I'll try to make this short! my fiancee and I moved to MA from CA about 2 months ago-he's originally from here, I'm from CA. He got a job opportunity with a start up (risk) but with great pay. I was out of work due to my company going bankrupt so a job wasn't keeping me there, just my love for CA and some family there.
We have no plans to get married anytime. The question is I am miserable here. We're both in the entertainment business and that's hardly booming here in MA. He says that it will only get worse for me as winter approaches and thinks that I should move back. I am torn, every 5 minutes I change my mind because I am torn between staying here with him or going to CA. I just can't seem to shake my bad attitude and feel that if I am back in CA, it doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship. we're both 40 and can handle it. But am I putting a location before my relationship and did he put a job before his relationship?? Don't know. What do you guys suggest? thank you!
2006-06-24 06:04:21 · 13 answers · asked by Confused! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I ran out of room! he thinks i should go back becuz he knows i'm miserable and wants me 2 b happy. I could move back and lose the best thing tho. Maybe i need more time here....? y'all are so helpful. :)
2006-06-24 06:38:02 · update #1
You made a decision based on leaving your family, and the Golden State already when you accepted his invitation to move to MA. What has happened for you to now, doubt and second guess your original decision? You have to examine, and be honest about what is really going on with you to put you into such a state of doubt.
All I can say is family is always going to be family, and so far California isn't going anywhere... Arnold is still in control, and doing a decent job of keeping us on track. I live in San Diego, and except for the high gas prices, and the border thing, everything is okay.
Seriously, you have to be honest with yourself about what the real issue is with the should I stay or should I go question.Based on just the little information given in your question my opinion would be to stay, find a job, enjoy being with your man, explore all the wonderful things about MA, that are totally different than CA. Have your family come for a visit, or perhaps you come back out here for a visit. There was a reason you made the decision to move in the first place. How does you fiancee feel, have you spoken in depth about the real issue? Good Luck and God bless you.
Remember this, it is your life, we do not make mistakes only opportunities to do something else.
2006-06-24 06:47:13 · answer #1 · answered by rascal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cares enough about you that he wants you to be happy...and if that means you go back to CA, then that is what he wants for you. That is real love. AND, real love means loving yourself enough to do what is right for you also. IF that means moving back to CA, then that is what must be done. I suggest you have not given MA enough time to make a decision. I moved to CA from the East Coast 10 years ago...I hated this place for a full 6 months...then, within 5 seconds, I realized what I had here and have loved it since. You are homesick and bored. What did you expect? I do think that expecting the relationship to survive on two coasts is more than idealistic...it won't happen. But worse things could happen, and we both know it. Give it some time, find a job, and see if you can settle into MA....stranger things have gone down. Good luck
2006-06-24 13:15:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't' a black and white issue where you can say......put career over relationship, put location over career, etc.
Unfortunately, reality is that what we call "home" effects us greatly. Our careers effect us greatly. It's difficult to be happy in a relationship, when you're miserable about another MAJOR factor in your life. So it's normal for you to feel this way. It's not that easy to simply dismiss your need to get out of MA. I DO wonder why he is encouraging you to move. Is it because he wants an excuse to be apart? Or does he hate to see you unhappy and is willing to sacrifice distance for you to be happier? I don't' believe long distance relationships work.
Now.....if you have no plans to get married, then do you see yourself spending the rest of your life together? If not, then why make yourself miserable in a state with no job for a relationship that may or may not go somewhere? I think sacrificing your career or your home is a very noble thing to do if you believe the relationship is the most important thing in your life and is what you need to make you happy. But......what is most important to you? If you two wind up on different coasts, and the relationships ends because of it, then perhaps it's meant to be. Another door will open.
2006-06-24 13:27:35 · answer #3 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By telling you that you should leave speaks volumes to me. Aren't any bells going off that he doesn't mind you moving all the way back across the country? And if MA. isn't exactly the Mecca for the entertainment industry, then why ARE you there? I think you need to move back to CA. and see what happens from there. I think you already knew that though.
2006-06-24 13:08:54 · answer #4 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It almosts sounds to me like he is wanting you to go back to CA and is trying to convince you to go. I am sure a long distance relationship would be horribly hard, but if it is meant to be then it will work out. Why be miserable in MA, go back to CA and see what happens.
2006-06-24 13:08:34 · answer #5 · answered by sweetnessmo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is more important to the both of you? Where you live, or that you are there together? If being away from CA is more overwhelming than being apart from your honey, then the relationship is not that strong. If you love eachother, you can live in the Arctic and be happy.
2006-06-24 13:10:19 · answer #6 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me rite now I may sound too bad for you to like the answer..But trust me I have learnt the hard way myself
Just move to the place your career can move, if he loves you and your love is strong it wouldn't matter having distances. But of he doesnt u are doing just the right thing. IN the end all that matters is ourselves for us...no one can be your saviour when you are down and out.
2006-06-24 13:19:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its all up to you.. if you care about him so much then you ought to stay with him cause thas what you want it dosent matter what he wants you need to do what ever makes you happy cause in the long run maybe thing will get better. If it was me i would stay cause it woul dbe for some one i love very much and care about deeply. the decision is you an no body else. Good luck and i hope all goes well
2006-06-24 13:44:35 · answer #8 · answered by chris k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he is putting his career first. Plus, why does he want you to move back if he loves you so much? Wouldn't he be encouraging you to try something new instead of leaving?
Life is open to so many possiblities.
Only you know what you really want to do.
Take care and pray for the best.
2006-06-24 13:09:45 · answer #9 · answered by sharir2777777 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you should move back HOME. You can then be with family,friends and have a better chance with work.What gets me is he tells you to go..so with that i say go and if your relationship works great but if it fails at least you are home not miles away and heart broken.good luck
2006-06-24 13:41:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋