Having lived abroad almost all my life, I had to return to India on the sudden demise of my father.?

Question

Being the eldest of four, the onus of looking after my mother fell on me as my brothers and sister are setled abroad. I married a gorgeous woman and lead a great life together. Our two sons have the looks and are really talented. People gape us -my wife for looks and I for my NON Indian looks and outlook to life. Having tried, I have just not been able to adjust to this life style as hard as I try. This has led to a fair share of problems as I am considered a snob who does not speak our langauge - hindi and all feel I am not proud to be an Indian. I am making every attempt to learn hindi and to get rid of the tag but the tag of being a foreigner in my own country keeps coming up. I admit my mannerisms are def. not really Indian and neither is my sense of dressing and behavoiur. People wonder why I wish them while getting into a lift, for example!Can anyone try and help me or tell me the best way I could adjust to India and the way of life here. Professionaly I am doing very well.

I honestly made an error - in no way am I not proud to be Indian. I love my country and am very proud of all the richness and diversity. I guess it was just some bad typing error. Regarding moving my mother abroad- she does not want to leave the house that Dad built for her and neither does my wife even though she is well travelled and is half Irish and half Indian. I live in New Delhi and am so immersed in my work as a senior VP with a German Automobile giant - manafacturing some of the most expensive cars that I do not get the time to socialise with the "NRI's" and I do not see the need to . I want to connect with the people I work with and those around me and thats where my problem comes in. I mantain my Spanish citizenship only for a reason- that I am able to travel around the world without too many visa problems and in fact was tempted to revert to my Indian citizenship. Anyone who thinks I am not an Indian and not proud to be one had better visit the doctor. l

I have always been an Indian and I think its very natural when a person spends almost his entire life abroad his thinking and outlook changes and thats excatly what has happened to me. I am not to excited about mixing around with NRI's as I really dont have the time keeping in view my busy schedule as VP of one the most elite Automobile manafacturing German Companies in the world. I almost never talk about my living abroad but my accent gives me away and thats where the problem lies. I think in Spanish most of the time and hence mess up my English and once I tune on to English I am ok - but the accent remains. I hope this clears the issue and also wish yahoo had more space to put the questions in a more explainatory manner. My sons are both Indians and I have ensured that they grow up such. I am lucky that they have gone on that path.
I apologise if I hurt anyone as it was a genuine lapse on my part and am feeling bad about it.
Thanks anyway for hearing me out.

Answer 1

The first thing that you said that screamed out at me was your phrase..I am not proud to be an Indian. If this is your attitude, then you're gonna have a real hard time adjusting. Even if you won't admit it, that attitude will show through in the things you say and do. People do not like what they would perceive to be aloofness or superiority.

You gotta let go of your previous life and make the best of what you have now. You are there for your mother. You need to serve as an example to your children and wife. Right now, they are seeing someone who is not proud of who he is, they see someone who is perceived as a snob. Discover what is good about your culture and embrace it. Nothing wrong with that.

Answer 2

There are language immersion schools like Berlitz that could help with the language. There are also CD programs that work in a similar way. You will probably always have an accent when you speak Hindi.
I know a problem I had in a Spanish speaking region was that with my clearly not Hispanic features and accented Spanish people would quickly switch to their best broken-English. This denied me the opportunity to practice my Spanish (At least they got the chance to practice English.) India has many English speakers, as you know, so you may run into a similar problem. You may have to pretend not to understand English. That will encourage people to speak in Hindi. the less you use English the more quickly you will learn Hindi.
As far as mannerisms go immitation is the only solution. This will come much easier than language.
blessings.

Answer 3

You didnot mention where you are settled now - mostly cities like Delhi, Bombay and Bangalore have their fair share of NRIs like you and I don't think you would stand out too much. Speaking Hindi is not a must - many parts of India (especially the south) people donot speak Hindi as they feel that it is unfair to have it thrust upon them as a national language.

Bombay, ofcoure is a very westernized city - infact I have had people in the US admiting that Bombay is like New York in many ways - including the fast paced life and the outlook of people out there. Bangalore is also a bvery yuppie city - has a fair share of non- Indian executives working for multinationals and I believe Delhi - Gurgaon region is coming up as well.

You should not change your lifestyle to suit what other people think it should be - be comfortable with your self and they will accept you soon enough. If you stay in the place you are for a few more years, you will pick up Hindi, especially since you seem to be good at linguistics, having mastered 7 languages.

And lastly, remember, India has accepted many before you (including 400 years of the British), is currently doing it (multinationals) and will continue to do so after you as well.

Answer 4

i cannot seem to understand your problem, if your doing well and good looking your not the only indian that is you make out to make the viewers believe that indians are not cultured it amases me , when you left most probably many years ago and now return you differently have seen the change unless your in rural india,our homes ar modern are clothes are modern our markets are soaring, indians may be a little reserved but that does not make them different, well every one speaks more than one language and english is a compulsory language to graduate and hold the best jobs never mind if it takes time to remember hindi, my uncle is in denmark for many years and has a danish wife who did not know english only danish , when he brings her over to india she wears indian clothes and speaks broken hindi, geez if she can why not you dont try pulling wool ove rthe eyes your just trying to show off be indian and live in reality it appears you have an ego problem more than any thing else

i just read your added commentslet me say there are a lot of rich and middleclass indians living in delhi and not every one is a nri, delhi is a beautiful city on any international level every indian non resident as well knows its the capital, and you say cannot fit into that society you are getting your self more tangled, you may love india as you said, be proud, and be your self,and i just want to ask what is an indian mannerism , i dont understand that and now that your in india you have the option of a duel passport if you dont know that,

Answer 5

the real question here is do you respect yourelf ??
you admmit your're married have a family and a gorgeous wife
you must be truly bleesed. why do you feel you need anybodys approval the most likely cause of someones else disapproval is because . They are still in the same place while you are racing ahead of them.exceptence is unconditional it should always be
If you don't dress,talk or try to pretend to be someone you are not don't worry that dosent make less of a man!!!! Teach you children to have pride in themselfs first and then in their achivments.

Answer 6

just remember your never gonna please everybody you meet its impossible the only thing you can do to be "real" is be yourself. So what you didn't come with an owners manual on how to indian you cannot rush into things worrying about what people think you'll never learn. Follow by example with your children you'll figure out where you fit in that society and you'll be proud along with your family for how far you came not but what others say

Answer 7

You just have to prove to them that you're a person who deserves respect, whether Indian or not.

you cannot convince them by words to them. but by your caring actions towards your family and others, and your success as a human.

Just let it slide, you'll settle in okay. Or you could try moving to a different part of India, where you are not already labeled. If you think it might help.

Iam not very familiar with the culture in its pure form, since all i get is the immigrants and their adaptations.

Answer 8

If your whole family is abroad why can you not move mother to wherever you are living? It seems almost unfair to move wifey, and 2 kids to accomadate one person.

Also, just from your sentance you do seem to try and distance yourself from being Indian...WHY? It is a beautiful culture..where did you grow up if your parents didn't teach you your native language? Why can't mom move there??

Answer 9

I would concentrate on my family and be polite to all others.
I would not get involved in others lives as best I could and keep my opinions to myself.

Your job now is to keep your family as close together and understanding as possible.

Remember, you are the head of your houseshold and the mood of your home depends on you. Bad mood? It will be reflected on every aspect of your life. Good mood? That to will be evident in the actins and mood of your children and wife.
Good luck and God bless.

Answer 10

Which state or city are u now ? u are assets for india. try to mix with local people and guide them share your experience and you will be loved by people surrounded by you in your society. Best of luck.