I need to know what to do about my cheating husband. He has been having an affair with the same woman forever!

Question

I feel like the stupid one here, but he is the one that is cheating and lying. I don't know if it has ever stopped, but I do know that they have had some sort of relationship for a long time. We got married only 4 years ago but have a 7 year old son. I believe he is staying with me because of our child. What do i do? I'm trying to gather as much evidence as i can before i confront him with the proof. I have confronted him in the past and he has lied about the affair. He always seems to have an answer for everything! Our relationship seems better than it has been in the past, i just don't know where to go from here. Please help!

Answer 1

You are so sure about ur husband with an affair.
He has answers for everything.You feel he anticipates the same questions over and over.
Now be upright and and ask him,whether it is the child that has sustained ur marriage,or does love exist between u two.
If he is with an affair,he better choose one.
Are u ready for a breakup if he happens to be cheating u?
Are u employed?
Would u be able to take of ur child when faced this ugly situation?
You admit that ur relationship is better than it was earlier.If ur husband is amidst an affair,why shlould he be trying to improve the relationship with u?
Think over.I guess it is ur suspicion and insecurity.Do not bombard him with questions about the woman all the time.It is losing its seriousness cos of continuous questioning.

Answer 2

I am going to suggest something very different than you expect, and this is from a detached, disinterested party.
Honestly, do you really care if your husband is having an affair? Deep down, does it REALLY matter? You state that your relationship is better than it has been before. You imply that he is a good provider and father...you are still with him in spite of his affair. Ask yourself only one question. "AM I better off with him or without him?" The answer has NOTHING to do with an alledged affair...it has to do with you. And in doing this asking, assume that he IS having an affair. Obviously, other than your feelings, the affair has not actually gotten in the way of your marriage. (cold, but true). And, from your statements, it sounds as if he is NOT going to run off, abandon you or the child, or in any way act in a manner that is not responsible, at least to your child. So, DOES IT REALLY MATTER in the total scope of things? I am speaking from serious experience...If I had sat down and asked myself the same questions long ago, my life would be very different..and for the better...today.
IF you really want to know the score, then spend the 500.00 to 1500 dollars and hire a PI. The phone book is full of them. You will have the proof, one way or another. But if you are suspicious now, it will NEVER go away. Just because he is not messing around today, your mind will take you to the next episode of unexplained missing time. YOU must make the changes if you are going to stay in this marriage, not him. Either put it down or move on. Trust is a very strange thing...it is easy to have trust in a person we do not know, and we can trust a person for all but a lifetime...but ONE little venture...ONE little suspicion, and trust is gone forever! Now, what do you want to do about it. YOu will never trust him again, PERIOD! Don' even play like you will, for it won't happen. You either let go of the energy or you let go of the marriage. In your state, you must be making his life a form of hell, whether he deserves it or not. Trust me on one thing...there are FAR worse thing in life than Infidelity. FAR WORSE!
Now, let's suppose you get a divorce and eventually remarry. You have no guarantees that the next will be as good as you have now. And, if you have not put down the "all seeing eye, any new relationship will go the same route...the first time you encounter an "unexplainable" time lapse, you will make the leap to Infidelity and be back in the same boat. Sorry to sound harsh, I am not being so...just realisitc. I do wish you the best of luck in whatever you find you must do.

Answer 3

You do need to find out if this is really true or not. Because of your son and commitment to the marriage, you have to be really sure. You can hire someone to follow him but that is expensive or you can do it yourself or even ask a friend to do it but you need to be sure he has cheated in the past and that your worries are valid. I'm not saying that you don't sense a problem but does he really have the opportunities and time to cheat? I don't know where my husband is all the time but he usually comes home with something he bought or I just know where he was.

If you can prove this is going on, then you need to show him the proof but be ready with ideas to save the marriage. Have a list of counselors names and times you can be seen, pastors names,etc. If you have stayed then you must want to stay so fight for him. I have seen marriages really turn around when the wife is the one who fights for saving it. You will have to start dating him again and giving him special time. If he's happy at home, he will stay home. He may have some real issues and that is where good counseling can help.

If none of this works and he continues his own way of life, you may need to separate to get his attention but that should be the last resort. You have a child that will be very affected by this.( We just met a young woman last night that is going thru this. Her son is 3. But he wanted out.) Separation must be your last ditch effort. Sometimes the shock of separation knocks sense into them. Divorce must be last on the list. We do have friends that divorced 7 years ago when he had an affair. He has faced his issues, has asked his x's forgiveness and gotten right with God and they are now dating with the intent of remarriage. She is going slow and enjoying the dating but this is a rare situation. She is an amazing woman.

Good luck to you. Hope it goes well with you.

Answer 4

All this would depend on what you want to do. Will you put up with it to raise your child in a married home? Or will you have had enough and leave? You don't need to contact the girlfriend...she is not the one with the commitment to you....he is. If you're sure that he's having an affair, and if you have the money, hire a private detective to take some "covert pictures" of them together, if at all possible, in the act of sex. After you've got that proof, then hire a lawyer that specializes in divorce, and divorce his ***......take him to the bank. Get as much as you possibly can. To me, it's better to be single and lonely, then to be with someone and be miserable. You've got a lot of thinking to do, and some decisions to make. I wish you the best of luck...........

Answer 5

If you know who this woman is, ask her. If she wants him, she will be very honest with you. Be careful, though, if she just wants a fling with him, then she may lie for him.

You also mention that you relationship seems better than it has been in the past... so why do you think he is still having an affair? Don't get me wrong... I am all for women's instinct, I've learned never to ignore mine, the hard way.

If you really feel it in your gut that something is still going on, then why are you still with him. Do you have any kind of evidence, or is it just a feeling. Be careful, don't do something you might regret later.

Answer 6

If you know that he is cheating on you then you have every right (with the permission of a bishop) to separate temporarily from him. Perhaps then he will see what he is missing. He has no right to you sexually if he's going out and picking up STDs from other women.

I'm so sorry. Your family will be in our prayers.

Answer 7

force him to watch you have sex with another dude. that will teach him, hehe