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Heres the thing i have been married for almost 7 yrs now.the first 3 years of our marriage was hell.He did alot of cheating on me until i got tired and cheated on him.of course when i cheated all the cheating stopped because of course he didnt like it anymore.I wasnt planning to stay with him anymore after my affair because to me things were not the same.unlike him i found it harder to forgive myself then he forgave me. I really didnt want to stay because apart from the cheating he was really rude to me and always angry for no reason.Well he conviced me to stay and i did.he promised a to change but of course as you all know he didnt.Well there was a little change like he doesnt hit me anymore and i dont think he cheats on me.thats right i dont think.well now he seems to have some type of anger against me well because he is always angry but then he gets angry at me for stupid **** like this morning he got mad cause i asked him for money and it made him angry to take his wallet (cont)

2006-06-24 01:39:51 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

It made him angry to take his wallet out of his pants because he had already put it in there and he had to take it out again.this is the **** i have to put up with now.I wouldnt ask him for money but i have repeatedly asked him if its ok for me to work and he wont let me.But you see it **** like this that makes me think he is up to something else.its just so stupid to me for him to get angry over his wallet.so angry he has to leave the house angry and reject my phone calls.all this is making me to get depressed also.To me its really hard to live like this i mean you never know what he is gonna get angry about next.it could be anything.i dont get it. What does everybody else think about this?what should i do?im really confused and i need some help. Thank you :)

2006-06-24 01:44:45 · update #1

i do love him i mean i wouldnt still be here if i didnt.im just so confused and i dont have anybody to support me or guide me the right way.i just dont know if it me overreacting or what

2006-06-24 01:52:56 · update #2

26 answers

Honey, you are not overreacting at all. This man does not respect you. I know it isn't an easy thing to do, but you need to get counseling. Seems to me like he's manipulated you all these years. You've lost yourself in this relationship. I doubt very much that you are the same person you were before you married this man. He's cheated on you so many times before, and your retaliation was to cheat on him again, of course, you felt terrible about this, because this was not in your nature. You stooped to his level. What you should do is leave. It's going to be an extremely hard thing to do because you are, well, I guess I can say, you are pretty much addicted to this man. Just like an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, you know it's not good for you, but you keep drinking.

I don't know how old you are, but I can pretty much say that as you get older and you stay in this relationship longer, it's going to get harder. I speak from experience. I've been married now for almost 24 years with the same man. And I am now realizing that I am an individual person. It took me this long to realize that I need to live for myself and not for my husband. I've spent all my life trying to make him happy and he seems more miserable every day. Why should I live with that, and why should you.

How dare he stop you from working if you want to work. That's a way of him staying in control of you. Find yourself a part time job if necessary and open your own bank account, and every time you get yourself a little change put it in there. Start planning your way out. You will be so happy when you find yourself again. And don't forget, God is there for you. Ask him to guide you, believe me, He will.

2006-06-24 02:47:09 · answer #1 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 3 1

People will treat you however you will allow them to treat you. I'm sure you're not sitting there ASKING him to be a jerk, but by not doing anything to stop it, you're allowing it. No one deserves to be treated this way. I'm all for not breaking marriage vows, but you can stay where you're treated like an abused dog. I would suggest trying to work it out. Some men whip themselves into shape when their woman is leaving because they don't want to be alone anymore than we do. I would definately seek out some marriage counseling. If he refuses to go, I'd start packing. And, from the sounds of it, if he catches you packing, you might get the $hit knocked outta you... so I'd suggest, if it comes down to leaving.... start as soon as he leaves for work, and be somewhere safe by the time he gets back home. Good luck.

2006-06-24 02:27:55 · answer #2 · answered by El 3 · 0 0

baby girl, from your story, this is what i see. hitting and cheating are bad combination. you should have left long time ago. of course you feel something for him but i don't think it's the same love that you both once shared. this relationship is going down hill. (sorry to say it). plan it out. if you decide to leave. where would you go. how you're going to make a living. then pack your things and go. record everything since you'll need a divorce lawyer pretty soon. there're more to life to live don't let it get stuck and go no where.

2006-06-24 02:40:13 · answer #3 · answered by harmony 7 · 0 0

For one thing he sounds controlling and abusive. You said you think he isn't cheating and you say he doesn't hit you any more. Well maybe for now he doesn't hit, but that will return. Man I don't know what kind of relationship you two have, it doesn't sound good to me. You have two choices stay and be unhappy or leave and find happiness some where else. It's up to you, as for me I would leave.

2006-06-24 01:56:12 · answer #4 · answered by brighteyes62301 3 · 0 0

Well, I won't tell you what to do...but I'll tell you what I'd do. First of all I would be terrified that he'd lose his temper at any moment. And in turn I'd be a gigantic ball of nerves and stress. I wouldn't be able to deal with that, I'm sure you can't even really be yourself. So I guess my first step would be to take some time apart. Also letting him know the reasons why. (his anger etc.) Maybe then he'd agree to counseling. I know its hard when you're in the situation, but listen to yourself. You know what you want,,,trust that and do it.

2006-06-24 02:07:55 · answer #5 · answered by kiss me 4 · 0 0

Everything is improper with this. She must go away this guy - and in no way seem again. Most of all - she must in no way take part with this. She is the person who has to are living with herself - and in addition seem at herself within the replicate. It is spiritually, mortally, improper .. to not point out adulterous. And .. he's going to feel much less of her - despite the fact that he's short of her to do. And .. the 'phrase' gets round approximately her. She must run from this guy - and from the main issue. She makes her on offerings.

2016-09-01 19:35:29 · answer #6 · answered by mcilwain 4 · 0 0

you have been putting up with a lot of crap but he was hitting you is so disrespectful. you have to maintain your dignity and self respect. you shouldn't rely on others to show u the way or make your decisions for u. stand up for yourself and learn to take control of your life. if he were cheating and then u cheated on him in return..what good did it do to u?ur still not sure if hes cheating or not. u just lost ur inner self in the process. i think ur reasoning is that since u have spent 7 years in the marriage u wnt to make it work and u consider ur self not young enough to divorce him and begin afresh. since he was always cheating on u..he obviously never loved u andask urself again why is it that u say u love him?things u mentioned aren't reasons to be angry on u. its his frustration about something bigger that he is not able to talk to u about that make him scream at u over petty issues. if both of u really wnt to make this relationship work u need to sit with him and talk to him..talk ur heart out.both of u should be wanting to work out the relationship. if u dont want it and u think u have had enough. divorce him NOW. dont waste ur life. u'll be happier single than live the rest of ur life in such agony. but know that u should be strong enough to stand up for urself.

2006-06-24 03:18:13 · answer #7 · answered by fairy 1 · 0 0

You both need to get some HELP! You should have left when he was beating you. But you stayed. Now is the time to seek help before he goes off the deep end and does something very bad.

2006-06-24 02:16:33 · answer #8 · answered by the_saint1963 4 · 0 0

Life is much too short for the type life you're living. You need to leave him, get out on your own, and make your own way for a while. You can do it, but it won't be easy. Still it's better than how you're living now. Good Luck!

2006-06-24 01:48:31 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0 0

Your husband is extremely controlling. But I don't understand why you got revenge on his cheating by cheating yourself! I mean, that just made everything more difficult to deal with.
Girl, please leave this man! He's cheating, controlling, and abusive. Find a way to get out immediately. Give yourself some peace of mind.

2006-06-24 02:50:42 · answer #10 · answered by long_ebony_locs 2 · 0 0

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