my brother who is going to be freshmen in highschool and just graduated 8th grade started having sex and fears since his gf and him did not use a condom for first month and half and he fears she may be pregnant and now she is worried cause she usually get her period every month . i got pregnant at 18 this year with by first real bf of a year but miscarried he nows i have condoms in my top desk shelf but chose not to get them i thought he would learn from my mistake the condom ripped w/ me but i did not think to get emergency contraceptive. i am angry ith him and hurt i explained what happened to me and still he did not listen now he wants me to buy a pregnancy test for her and not tell my mom and dad?should i?i feel so of this was my bad example and i want him to learn from this.
2006-06-24 01:32:32 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
buy the pregnacy test. that's the first step. if she's not and they don't learn anything. there's nothing you can do for them.
2006-06-24 01:37:07 · answer #1 · answered by Curly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and most important, this is NOT your fault.
You say that they've been having sex for at least a month and a half? That's MORE than enough time to have used the condoms you have in your room AND to get some from the store.
Again, this is NOT your fault. He KNOWS because of your example that it's absolutely foolish to have sex without a condom. He CHOSE to not only let his excitation get the better of him, but to just STOP THINKING. That said, get past your anger. I mean, communicate it to him for sure (it seems as though you have), but then show big sister leadership.
Sit down with him and tell that you hope he's learned that sex is more than "getting off." It's about responsiblity and respect, and he's now going to have to take responsibility for his action and respect himself, your parents, his girlfriend and her parents.
Ask him if he's scared. Let him answer. I hope to goodness he is, but I think it's important for him admit it. Then, ask him questions "Assume she's pregnant. Think it through. Where do you go from there? What are your options? Why or why not? When do you tell Mom and Dad? What does your girlfriend say?"
LET HIM answer, no matter how long he hesitates. LISTEN. It's very important for him to think this through out loud. Walk him through it.
There are at least three options:
Have the child. Raise the baby.
Have the child. Give it up for adoption.
Abort the child.
Aborting the child is a HUGE, HUGE issue, and it is NOT an easy way out (some would say it's not a way out at all). While it "solves" the pregnancy (the girlfriend doesn't birth a child), it does give "birth" to an incredible host of other issues that, if not addressed, will be with his girlfriend (and him) for some time to come.
If you can afford a pregnancy test, then get it. But walk him through how to use it so that he can get an accurate reading. Better to know now than to know later.
If she's pregnant, tell the parents.
If she's not, that doesn't give him a pass.
In either case, he must SERIOUSLY reassess his sexual activity. Just because he can doesn't mean he SHOULD. There's far too much of that already. IF he chooses to continue, then I'd STRONGLY RECOMMEND he wears a condom from now on, no matter what. It's not 100% but it's WAY better than not wearing one at all. Remeber, it's not just about pregnancy; it's about STDs.
2006-06-24 09:15:32 · answer #2 · answered by cboni2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your predicament, but even a condom isn't 100% protection as you yourself found out.
My immediate reaction is to buy the test and then deal with the problem afterwards.
If it comes back negative than there is nothing to worry about but it might scare your brother into thinking twice about having unprotected sex next time.
If it comes back positive, the earlier they know, they more options are open to them.
Mistakes happen, pure and simple. There is no point in punishing someone about it. It certainly isn't your fault. Your brother is old enough to know what he is doing and not using protection his decision not yours. You did the right thing by advising him to use contraception in the first place, you can hardly expect to follow him around for the rest of his life making his decisions for him. He has to learn for himself.
It sounds like you are close to your brother, so let him know you are disappointed with him and give him support should it come back positive.
I imagine your parents will understand any decision you chose to make.
Good luck x
2006-06-24 08:44:12 · answer #3 · answered by Gillipoos 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly this is NOT your fault accidents happen, I would guess he just wasnt thinking about the consequences whilst in the throes of passion as happens with a lot of young people. I understand your concern and yes your parents need to know he is sexually active pregnancy is the least of his worries these days but take it one step at a time. Get the pregnancy test first, find out whether she is pregnant or not before you panic, girls periods can be late for all sorts of reasons including stress...if she is then encourage him to step up, if hes old enough to play adult games he's old enough to step up to the responsibility.
2006-06-24 08:39:17 · answer #4 · answered by Just Thinking 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...just let me say this, if you were my kids, I would want to know. Tell your parents. Your brother is much too young to understand the consequences of his actions. Your parents need to know. He obviously needs more guidance than you are equipped to give him, or he is willing to accept. Tell them, it's best for all. This is too much pressure for you to handle alone.
2006-06-24 08:39:37 · answer #5 · answered by PariahMaterial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he should buy the pregnancy test -if he was responsible for getting the girl pregnant then he should be responsible for supporting her/ helping her- You should help her because you know what it feels like but your bro should also take responsibilities for his actions. You cannot be held responsible but you can be supportive without making it your burden
2006-06-24 08:44:00 · answer #6 · answered by chuppala 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
buy him the test. make sure she is. then set him down and have a talk with him. tell him if he does not take your advise you will be forced to speak with your parents about it. if she is pg then make him tell the parents so she can get to the doctor asap
2006-06-24 11:04:53 · answer #7 · answered by lilmanandjacysmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i where you i would not tell your parents nor worry about it because you had to deal with it by yourself so let him try to grow up and learn from his mistakes.
2006-06-24 08:37:11 · answer #8 · answered by us girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I understand the need to let your parents know what a jerk brother is, it is his responsibility. He did the dance; now he has to pay the piper.
2006-06-24 08:39:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get the test and don't tell your parents unless she is pregnant. if she is, talk to your brother and convince him to tell your parents, because unless he dumps her (which some boys so because they are scared) they will find out anyway. i'm sure your parents would rather hear from him than have to find out for themselves
2006-06-24 08:45:54 · answer #10 · answered by StaceyMayBrown 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should not tell ur parent because u should let ur brother tell them. Oh and buy a pregnancy test for her.
2006-06-24 08:38:15 · answer #11 · answered by lmcja 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋