My friend is in a very delicate situation. Her parents are forcing her to marry a guy she doesn't love...b/c she is pregnant and doesn't want to give up the baby.
The point is that the baby belongs to her ex, who left her.
The guy who wants to marry her pretends to be in love and takes advantage of this situation.... but she is not happy with the ideea of marrying him
My friend is 20 and has a decent job, but she couldn't afford to rent a house and grow a baby by her own.
What do you think she must do in such conditions?
2006-06-23 22:10:27 · 69 answers · asked by AnneMarie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If she would not be happy with him, then no Way! She should pull a runaway bride. The baby would only hurt worse to grow up thinking that that is his/her dad, only to find out the truth about the sham of a marriage later in life. If the parents aren't happy the kids won't be either, her parents of all people should want her to be happy.
2006-07-07 18:03:06 · answer #1 · answered by Amanda D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marrying someone she doesn't love doesn't seem like an answer. Sharing rent with a roommate doesn't seem practical, but it just may work. She's 20, not 16. She doesn't have to do what her parents say. Her parents are only trying to do what they think is best, that doesn't mean they're right, or wrong. The bio dad will show up again some day and she'll have to deal with it. But having to deal with that and being married to a man she doesn't love seems almost too much to handle. Life is hard, she must also think of the life she wants her child to have, and think of what would be in the best interest of the child, just as her parents are doing.
2006-06-23 22:17:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, She is 20, and her ex has left, and she has a job. Well first off if she wants to be an effective parent she needs to tell her parents to but out. She is an adult. I was seventeen when my dad caught me having sex. I was forced to marry the guy. We divorced two years later. It doesn't matter that the guy is no longer with her, she can get him to pay child support. As for the guy that she doesn't love, very simple, get rid of him. I was a single mother of a beautiful son. I am now remarried and expecting agian. She will have to be very brave and it is scary doing it on your own, however, this is something that she has to decide to do. This can not come from her parents or anyone else for that fact. Yes, there is adoption, I know how hard that is also, but so is being a single mom. There are state agencys that will help her stay afloat, and help her with being a parent.
2006-07-07 21:23:08 · answer #3 · answered by tommyslili 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her parents aren't totally "forcing" her to marry. If she really wants out, she needs to make that decision. They won't believe it at first but they will respect it over time.
On the other hand, they may know something important about their daughter. At 20 and pregnant, there are a lot of issues. She cannot possibly know everything that lies ahead of her and this boy can't be all bad. After all, he is willing to be the daddy to a child that isn't his own.
Too few facts here for an adult decision. Sounds like your friend has made some shaky decisions already. Her parents just don't want her to make more bad decisions that will also harm their grandchild. Based on what you are saying, I'd listen to the parents a little more carefully and try to walk through the decision with them ... without drawing lines in the sand or screaming.
2006-07-07 19:33:43 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother had a shot gun wedding but she was marrying the father of her child (me). She must have a DNA test to prove he isn't the father and flat out refuse to marry him if she doesn't want to. A loveless marriage is the worse thing to go through, especially with children. I know this.
The man is a scammer, get him out of there. He doesn't deserve her, and she doesn't need him. He's probably in it for money, if not other motives.
Contact the real father, get him to say it's his, and hear his side. Everyone needs to know why those two split up. Don't let this scammer make everyone think he's doing a good deed by marrying a woman with no father for her baby. She can get county assistance, medical, food stamps, and a state check to help her until she can get back on her feet. They also provide day care so she can work too. They also got low income housing too.
2006-07-07 11:59:31 · answer #5 · answered by AutumnGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She can't afford to "grow" a baby on her own. Didn't know they came on trees! Oh dear she's in a right mess. Well I could say she's old enough to know better blah blah blah but the people who are going to really suffer are the taxpayers (we don't need anymore single mums scrounging off us). I know it's tough, life is I'm afraid. I wonder how many girls would have unprotected sex if we didn't live in a "nanny" state where benefits are thrown at you. She's an adult and has to take responsibility like the rest of us. P.S. I doubt if she can be forced to marry someone. She's 20 and can make up her own mind!
2006-06-24 02:31:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's 20 not 12 and we dont live in the dark ages anymore, she is lucky having a job to set her on the right path to rent a property until she is sorted! As for the baby well that is her choice alone weather to go ahead. I bet there has been girls in far worse situations got the hell out and turned it to there advantage! As a friend help her,give her love and support oh and give the boy a good kick up the ars* for her!! good luck in what ever path she takes!
2006-06-23 22:25:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married ALL BECAUSE one is pregnant is NOT a reason to get married. If she doesn't love the guy her parents are forcing her to marry, I strongly suggest she leave her parent's house and be on her own since you said she has decent job and can very well fend for herself and the baby. She should also seek assistance from social services once the baby is born because it will be hard to raise a baby on your own. Her friends should also help her out.
2006-07-07 21:31:26 · answer #8 · answered by Equinox 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Delicate?! you're not kidding!
No-one can afford to be a single mother but somehow gazzillions of them manage it. Close friend of mine did it - is still doing it - for four years so far. It's not easy and you need to rely on your friends a lot (!) and there are times when you just can't handle it, but you get through somehow.
From what you've said, marriage in these circumstances would be a big mistake. We are not in biblical times any more, thank goodness. Unmarried mothers are NOT cast outside the city walls or stoned to death.
BUT... only she can decide this. It's good that you support her. But if she goes through with it and marries the guy she'll still need your support - just in a different way.
2006-06-23 22:16:18 · answer #9 · answered by wild_eep 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she ever wants to be the boss of her own life, respect herself and earn her baby's respect, she will have to defy all of these people and go it alone.
If she is being bullied by her family, perhaps she could contact a woman's refuge for advice.
If she is about to become a single parent, perhaps she could contact social security/ local government for financial assistance.
It won't be easy, she might have to sacrifice a lot of luxuries and comfort, but she must realise that if she gets married and enters into the situation that she dreads, then she could be trapped in it for 20 years or more. If she goes it alone, it will be hard, but she can gradually build the life she wants and deserves and will be a free person.
2006-06-23 22:15:44 · answer #10 · answered by Alex should be working 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋