I need Help!!?

Question

I want to set some rules for my kids. Their ages are 14, 12 and 5. Where do i begin and what rules should I set? I am a single mother and I want my house back!!!!!

Answer 1

Ok, I'll give you a few starters. But don't go overboard or things will be just as bad. (These are mostly for the teenagers, I don't know very many rules needed for a 5 year old)
1:Ask before somebody comes over.
2:Set a curfew (not too early or they will get mad)
3:Tell them to call before they change plans.
4:Before they go out, make sure you know who they're with, where they're going, and when they'll be back

Answer 2

You gotta be kidding. The only one you may have some luck with is the 5 yr old. The 12, and 14 are a tad late to start making rules. Especially if they're girls! OMG, how have you been able to survive this long with no rules??? Do they have chores/responsibilities? That's a good place to start. They can certainly help around the house. That would be a win win situation by lightening your load, while giving them the responsibilty of being part of the family!

Answer 3

Honestly you should have started with your 12 and 14 yr old 10 yrs ago.Theres still hope for the 5 yr old.Its not neccessarily the rules or the discipline,but the consistency and level at which you apply it.Your kids have to trust you or they will never respect you.Make sure all those bases are covered.Yelling and screaming will accomplish nothing long term and could potentially do damage.Present yourself as in control(not a control freak,2 different things)calm, assertive.Being a single mother can make this seem impossible at times.Take whats yours and claim it and make it clear.Other than that,I guess you could ask Dr.Spock.Good Luck.

Answer 4

WOW... Tuff question.... It sounds like maybe you need to start by setting rules on when friends can be over first...... Then set up some chores for the older two and add some to keep the five year old busy and feel included.. Plus it will teach responsibility. Trust me they learn early... It's good for them.. Also, let them know you appreciate their efforts and show them when they do good things. Be firm on what ever you do... LET your YES mean yes... And your no mean "NO." They will remember every time you give in... Let them know school work is top priority. Not right when it is due.. And make homework for your 5 year old MOMMY and child time.. Listen to them too. And set aside family dinners, or breakfasts as together time as much as possible. You have a tough job ahead of you and Communication with love even tough LOVE when needed, will see you through....... I hope the best for all of you.

Answer 5

Adults sometimes forget that children watch and learn from us, whether we intend it or not. So, when it becomes apparent that adults sometimes break the rules, and create their own, then children break rules and create their own. They are really only doing what we have shown them to do. Families need some rules. Effective rules are positive statements about how your family wants to look after and treat its members. When rules are stated clearly and unambiguously, they help children learn where the limits are and what is expected of them. An additional benefit is that rules can help adults be consistent in the way they treat children.

It is important to involve children as much as possible in the development of family rules. Children as young as three years can have meaningful discussion with parents about what the rules are and why they are necessary. As children get older they can make more and more of a contribution to what the rules should be and what the consequences for breaking them will be. Involving your children in developing the family rules and the consequences for breaking them helps them to understand and internalise the principles behind the rules.

Many families find it useful to write down a set of rules about how the family members are expected to behave. Having them written down makes them clear and can prevent arguments about what is or is not a rule for the family.
The right number of rules

A few clear and specific rules tends to be more effective than long lists of rules. The more rules there are, the harder it is for young children to learn and remember them, and the more work you have to put into teaching and enforcing them.

What to make rules about

Set rules on the ‘bottom lines’ in your family. That is, choose the most important things to make rules about. Everybody’s rules will be different. The rules you decide on will be influenced by your beliefs, values, your situation and your child’s maturity and needs. You might develop rules that address safety, manners, politeness, daily routines and how you treat each other. A rule prohibiting physically hurting each other is a must in most families.


Kinds of rules

Rules come in different shapes and sizes, but all good rules share something in common - they are specific and easy to understand.

* 'DO’ rules: ‘Walk inside’, ‘Sit down to eat’, ‘Speak in a polite voice’, ‘Wear your seatbelt in the car’ and ‘Be gentle with each other’ are examples of DO rules. DO rules are preferable in most situations because they tell a child what to do rather than just what not do to. A DO rule is a good teaching tool.
* ‘DON’T rules: ‘Don’t spit’, and 'Don’t ask for things in the supermarket’ are examples of don’t rules. Use DON’T rules when its difficult to say exactly what to do instead. It’s better to have more DO than DON’T rules.

Rules can also be different in where they are applied:

* Ground rules: are rules that apply everywhere, no matter what. Rules about politeness and not hurting each other would be examples of ground rules. Some ground rules might apply to the whole family, whilst others may just apply to the children.
* Situation rules: it can be helpful at times to have a short set of rules for specific situations. You might develop rules for traveling in the car, visiting another person’s house, using the computer and so on.

How to develop rules

Rules are an adult’s responsibility, but children will appreciate being involved in setting the rules. Taking part in discussions about rules will not prevent them being broken, but it will help the children understand what the rules are and why they are needed. Writing the rules down and posting them somewhere prominent in the house can be a good reminder for everyone.

Raised two well respected wonderful Children.:)

Answer 6

OOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i see you need Nannie McFee!?being a single mom true it,s hard but hun you gotta put your foot down,lets take that 14 year old one first?M/or/F?however!the oldest,sit them down and break it down to them,abit of life responsibilities being under your roof!give him a little lead way of being the oldest,and helpin with the 12,and 5 year old?and so forth with the 12 year old for the five?they are learning from you,the parent,rules are rules,bed time,as well for chores even school?if break the rules suffer the concepts behind?punishment,?see i,m from the old school we got *** wippins if didn,t stay in a childs place!you are the adult!act like one?

Answer 7

Dare to disciple and Love must be tough and The strong willed child are three great books about discipline. My mother was a single mother this helped her along with the Institue In basic life principles. I took it when I was young.

Answer 8

I Agree With the ones above me. It's Just One thing i Don't agree with.. The part were the young lady said set an curfew but not to early because yours kids may get mad !!!!!! NOW THAT"S CRAZY YOUR THE PARENT

Answer 9

Set the rules you want to set. If you don't want toys in the livingroom say "no toys in the livingroom". No phone calls after 8pm then "no phone calls after 8pm". Whatever fits your lifestyle. You are the parent. You have the say-so.

Answer 10

Bedtime - stick to it, every night.
Punishment - again stick to it, whether it's grounding, time out, etc.
Curfew - stick to it! Don't make it exceptions, and when it's broken, follow up with your set punishment!

Then, these are just basic: clean up your own mess, as soon as you make it; play fair; share; don't fight; don't scream; don't slam doors; don't swear; don't sass; etc.