i've been married for 10 years. it seems i get all the blame for our fights. he does what he wants,doesn't drink just spends more time out with the guys. what is wrong with me.is it me?
2006-06-23 17:07:47 · 17 answers · asked by susan r 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A lot has to do with your own self-esteem (how do you feel about yourself and what will you allow another person to do to you). You've been married to him for 10 yrs so something has kept you staying with him for so long (maybe love and/or kids or he's a good provider)....however sometimes people do grow apart and it's time to make a new beginning for yourself even if he's been apologizing after physically and emotionally abusing you --- you see, his inappropriate actions tell you all that you need to know...there truly is someone else out there who'll treat you better --- so improve your looks and attitude and go find him.
2006-06-23 17:27:08 · answer #1 · answered by sunshine25 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i've been married for 10 years. it seems i get all the blame for our fights. he does what he wants,doesn't drink just spends more time out with the guys. what is wrong with me.is it me?(reread what you type) what you think? Is it you? Come on woman he needs to grow up and act like a husband . Leave him because it only will get worse and he will come very violent. Live why you have a mind to think on your own.
2006-06-24 00:11:48 · answer #2 · answered by hopewaypinkywinkyrabbitgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents were like that with each other, except my dad drank. It was hell, and i knew that when i were to marry, i would not tolerate that from a man. I would rather have been single. If he's abusive, you need to leave him. It'll get worse, not better. He has issues in his life, and he taking it out on you. I would look for a shelter, and make arrangements to live there. I wouldn't go back with him til there was a complete change in him. And i don't mean 2 weeks, or a month. It'll take time.....if he wants change.
You need to really make some serious decisions, and be prepared if he doesn't change...you might have to walk away from that dangerous situation. Best wishes.
2006-06-24 01:29:15 · answer #3 · answered by mickey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its ok for husbands to be physically & emotionally abusive and then you need to forgive them...don't you deserve more? Shouldn't you be treated better than that? If you have sent the message to him by your actions and response that he can come home and be abusive and all he has to do is say this is all your fault , blame it on you and expect you to forgive him....this is what you have taught him and this is all you will continue to get. Only you can change the pattern.
2006-06-24 00:58:12 · answer #4 · answered by grandmamickey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love yourself first! If there is no respect or trust in the relationship there is no love...and he is not respecting you by blaming you for all the fights and for doing only what he wants not taking you into consideration as a partner should. He obviously takes you for granted. I don't want to tell you what to do but just telling you that you must love yourself before you truly can love another person, I think it's clear. You deserve so much better. Don't let yourself turn bitter and old and then it'll be too late to turn back and start your life again. Please read this poem, then think hard about it:
I Got Flowers today ~~
I got flowers today
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.
Last night we had a fight and he hit me,
But I know he is sorry
Cause I got flowers today
I got flowers today
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me against the wall and started to choke me,
But I know he's sorry,
Cause I got flowers today
I got flowers today
It wasn't Mothers day or any other special day
I was so swollen and bruised I was ashamed to answer the door
But I know he's sorry,
Cause I got flowers today
If I leave him, where will I go?
What about money? what about my kids?
It's getting worse every time but I'm afraid to leave But I know he's sorry
Cause I got flowers today
I got flowers today
My family and friends filed by to see me
Asking why I never left him,
If I only had the strength and courage to, but I didn't
So I got Flowers today
2006-06-24 00:20:41 · answer #5 · answered by MzzandtheChuchuBees 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he never had a positive male role model. He gets all his male directive from his freinds. The truth is men do a lot of smack talking about their women to sound macho. However most of us realize that it is just BS. A man who has had no male guidence or not a strong (positive) male influence in his life will act it out.
He may also have issues with his mother.
Beyond the psychological. Is this a one sided thing? See a counselor and get his feelings out there too.
2006-06-24 00:12:00 · answer #6 · answered by SWIFFER THE WONDER MUTT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think its totaly you.
Talk to him about it, and say you want to spend time with him.
If it seems like you are arguing a lot, and don't enjoy spending time together anymore, saddly maybe its time to move on.
If you have kids don't put them through misery arguing day in and day out without letting them know whats going on, and don't act like everythings okay. They're seriously going to be hurt by it, and take it form me, I know I am becaus this is happening to me now.
I really hope you can work it out. Good luck.
2006-06-24 00:10:42 · answer #7 · answered by ♫ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't you! He is responsible for his own happiness. If he is blaming you for something, then he needs to take a hard look in the mirror. If he is physically or emotionally abusive to you, get the hell away from him before he kills you or mames you forever. Remember just because one man treats you bad, doesn't mean they all do. You can't take responsibility for his own unmanageable anger problems. He is responsible for his own actions. Think about how you are responsible for your own actions. You can take responsibility for your own safety. He will never change. My ex is still beating on his wife. Glad it isn't me anymore!
2006-06-24 00:21:13 · answer #8 · answered by deep trouble 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's NOT you. There is NO excuse for physical/emotional abuse. NO EXCUSE whatsoever. That is your number one problem. He is making you feel like your responsible for all fights. Don't let him. Stand up for yourself. If you can't do that out of fear that he may physically abuse you, then.............. time to go. Don't let anyone abuse you. Your a human being. You don't deserve it, AT ALL.
2006-06-24 00:52:07 · answer #9 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who told you that you are suppose to forgive him????? That's all wrong. Anyone who abuses you doesn't respect you no matter what they might say later. Get out now before he REALLY hurts you.
2006-06-24 00:48:33 · answer #10 · answered by theoriginalquestmaker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋