my fiance is worried when we marry things will change, we have a 5 month old. how to change his mind?!?

Question

he always says the same thing, 'why ruin a good thing' how can i let him know that things won't go disastourously wrong as long as we work at it!? i love him and i want to marry him, but i can't wait for ever. i just don't know how to convince him other wise. any ideas?

we've been together for two years.if he isn't ready yet, then why did he purpose? he acts as though i'll always be around. he's afraid i'll get comfortable and lazy. we have lived together since day 4. i havent changed yet. he tells me all the time how he wants to marry me, but yet he keeps putting it off. he changes the subject when it comes up in conversation. what am i supposed to do?! its not like i want a big fancy wedding with 300 people there. i keep the house clean, i take care of our son, i cook supper, all the house wife duties. what else can i do?

Answer 1

You are not going to change his mind. If he is not willing to marry for the sake of your child, your personal wishes are not of any consequence. After all, how much worse can it get than changing diapers?

Answer 2

What exactly is he worried about? What does he think will change and more importantly, why? How long have you two been together? Has he actually proposed to you (asked you to marry him) or is it just something you are assuming should take place, being that you have a child? Tell us a bit more, please.

You ask, "why did he propose?", have YOU asked him the same question. There is definitely something missing for him if he can't committ. The fact that you do all the housewife stuff doesn't matter all that much, well maybe it does to him, but it's not closing the deal.

There are two pointsof view I can see here:

1) From what you're telling us, it sounds to me like he asked you because he thought that was what he was supposed to do, not because he wanted to. He did out of a sense of obligation and quite possibly, to keep you closer to him, so you would be His.

2) If you've been hounding him about it, you're guaranteed to push him away. Meaning, if you've been after him since the time he asked you, he's going to start to feel that this is all your life's going to be about.............you nagging at him.

Finally, if he has said those things to you about his concerns, ask him why he feels that way. Where does he get that reference that you'll get comfortable and lazy. Where did he learn that? Is that how his father sees his mother or your dad sees your mother....?

Answer 3

I am in the same situation. I think it is just a way to cop out on the whole marriage thing. He wants to keep his independence and not be completely tied down. Just show him how great you are and maybe he will come around. But don't try too hard, Men are stubborn and it is hard to convince them to do anything they don't want to.

Answer 4

Me and my husband got married after our son was born.Nothing changed the way we act and feel towards each other.People say it changes when anybody gets married but i know that they were wrong.The only way it changes is if you let it.We now have 3 kids and we still act as if we just started out.I love that we are still into each other after 15 years.
Good luck and i hope you guys are just as happy as we are.

Answer 5

Why get married? It is just a financial merger, a legal contract. If you love each other you don't need that / status. Get rings and just say you are married.

How old are you both? (Add Details to your Yahoo Question!)

That's actually good that you had a 5mo old out of wedlock.

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Answer 6

It sounds to me like he is just nervous, that's normal. Just assure him that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him. I think that everyone who is getting married starts to think things like this. Don't worry, he's just nervous.

Answer 7

mabey he aint ready to get married girl of course certain things will change

Answer 8

Go to premarital counseling.

Answer 9

Don't get married.

Answer 10

Talk to him