I love this guy. Its 3 years now that we love. He has let his parents know about us. But in my place religion matters alot. Hence, there were severe problems and his parents refused to accept me. He is not ready to marry me if his parents dont agree. He is protective, caring, calls every alternate day,remembers what I dress and say, repeatedly says he likes my character and loves me. But something is missing is what my gut feeling says.Coz, there are some serious flaws in spite of his words, like saying a no to me because he needs to do something back for his parents inspite of me letting to sacrifice my culture and religion for him, not prefering our relation to be known to his friends or work circle, sometimes seems distant when with me.sometimes I feel his concentration is always on finding a lonely enough place to kiss and hug and touch than to just stay with me and enjoy my company, 2 incidents of chatting and affair with a old female.hurts.he always comes back to me.should i quit
2006-06-23 13:29:54 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thanks to you all who spent time, tried to understand me and my feelings and tried to make me feel better and clearer about this issue. These years of my alternating between hope of this relation working and shattering when I see theres no future to this...has been devastating. While I say my close friends who he is, he stays in orkut with a bold "single" written in his relation status. He says that might tarnish his image since in his work environment people create gossip. I found him registered in matrimonial site for girls of his caste when I searched for his name for his papers in google.The justification was it was for mere curiosity. He had been chatting online with many girls, I dont know the status now. Recently found that he had a near affair with another and after I asked him to get out of my life, he came back to me after 10 days saying I mean everything to him. After more than a month of repeated asking I started talking again. Either he cant let go of me or Im a fool...
2006-06-24 10:25:57 · update #1
Hi there is no straight way answer to your question...
I can understand the phase & pain you are going through.
You must really be struggling with your feelings about your guy.
Sometimes you must feel love and understand him and some times you must hate him
and feel he has done injustice to you.
Dear Confused let me clarify I am writing these entire not to do favor to your guy.
I request to be receptive while reading this...just trying to put what goes in a guy's mind and heart while he is in such a situation.
He let his parents know about you & the other points you have written shows that he loves you a lot.
Normally in a country like ours we (guys & gals) children are taught a social lesson where parents & family means a lot to us.
We guys are also taught from our very childhood that some day we have to take our parents responsibilities...
Some religion responsibilities like releasing parent’s sole from the world...
And some social responsibilities of taking care of them in their old age....
So many times since my childhood do redeemer hearing "someone has enlighten his parents & grand parents name"
I also do remember my parents doing things to enlighten my grand parents name and sacrificing their happiness for me.
Now when it comes about marriage ...yes we guy also has heart and we also want to do marriage to a girl of our choice and love.
But for us marriage does not mean only happiness of the two...but happiness of whole family...
Family means...immediate family of the guy (parents, brother & sisters) & immediate family of the girl...
He told his family about you means he loves enough to you to marry you...and feels ready to fight about all odds.
But the actual battle starts when he sees his parents crying in front of him.... It’s really very painful when you see your parents crying in front of you.
They show him fear of social denial, they beg him for their old age...they tell him that they will not able to accept such a pain in this age and will die.
They remind him about his responsibilities towards them...reminds him the love & affection given to him...
They also try to shows him the affect of his decision on his sisters & brothers life.
Our society is not open and good enough to accept and welcome another religion-converted girl...
They only look for opportunity to hart someone whenever they get any chance.
Believe me its really hardest emotional phase of life...when you actually see your stand has taken toll on your parents health.
He must not have kept any thing aside to convince his parents...
Now the choice of Parents & Girl friend comes...he cannot have both...
Can you answer me one question....
When it comes about his happiness for rest of his life,
If a guy can not stand with his parents (who have given him a lot of love & affection whole of his life)
Do you think he will stand with you when it comes to his another happiness in future..???
Believe me its really very hard decision for a guy also to leave the girl he loved more than his life..and with whom he dreamt about his future..
Its not only loses for a girl but for a guy also.
Some times a person is shy to showoff his love in front of other people..It’s only an individual personality...
However if he do not hold your hand in front of his close friends & and try to hide your relationship to them....
It’s really a serious problem. Something wrong is going in his mind...watch your steps
Finally suggestion...
When you have find there is no future for you together...Its time to say bye....
There is no point in staying in such a relationship, which has no future...
Also if you do not want to get more hurt be strong at your end and say bye to him as if his parents want him to get married to some other girl....
you know better how will you feel that time....
Time is the only healing factor.....
Regards,
P.S.: Let him go with a feeling that you both loved each other a lot but its your destiny that you can not be with each other any long...
not only love but understand your guy also ....
not with the feeling that he has cheated on you... start you life again...I know it will take ages but you have no other option...
All the best. If you need my support let me know...
2006-06-23 17:32:38 · answer #1 · answered by dhin_tak_dhin 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
im sorry this is happening to u trust me if he really loves u wants to spend his life with u he would get his parents to agree since they are his parents he should be getting them to agree he knows how to do it if hes not doing it then theres something wrong let me answer ur other doubts
1.be happy a relationship broke up due to knowing about his true self broken relationship is better then a broken marriage
2.hes not acknowledging u in front of his friends or co workers or coming openly with u means he knows his parents wont accept or hes scared of someone finding out about both of u
seriously why would u want a man who cant hold ur hand come out in open accept he loves u a man who loves u should shout from rooftops
hes ashamed hes denying existence of ur relationship please dont marry him if hes that way it matters to him what his parents world think more then his love for u
3.its classic case he wont let go of u so u can move on marry someone else since he loves u but he wont marry u due to his parents disapproval or him not having a spine to marry u anyway so he expects to have u in his life not move on get married settle down have children so what does he think u wait for him all ur life?
i hope u havent had physical relationship with this man he doesnt sound like a good human being to start with stop thinking of marriage or children with such a man.please forget him tell him if he wont marry u break it off with him 3 years is nothing a broken relationship is better then a broken marriage
2006-06-23 20:42:05 · answer #2 · answered by docfreudianslip 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey, this is a lot for someone to deal with. i am in the same boat that you are. except my mom is not in agreement with him. my religion is a huge matter also! i have chosen to take my chances in life and follow my heart! there is not too many people that come around who you can honestly say you truely love. eventually both your parents will come to accept the two of you as one. i hope you follow your heart. also if you are in any dobut just come right out and let him know how you feel. ask what ever is on your mind. don't hold anything back. if he loves you like you say he does he will have no problem talking out what ever problem you all may be going through. and another thing he needs to be a man and live his life for himself because his parents can't make all of his decissions for the rest of his life you feel me?! i you don't mind can we talk about this via e-mail. i also am courious of what your religion is if that is not too much info.
2006-06-23 20:55:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can determine whether or not you should quit. That depends on what your heart is truly telling you. Follow your heart; it will guide you to your greater good. As far as parents being a reason not to marry a girl you love, i feel that that should never be a factor in love and marriage. It is better to have parental approval, but if one does not, than that person should still not be ashamed to love and marry his or her love, regardless of what his/her parents say. Love should transcend all barriers. If something is holding it back, maybe it is not true and pure love; maybe he is not the one for you. Only you can determine that. There should be no reason, as well, regardless of race, creed, credo, or religion, that his parents should not welcome their son's love with open arms. and if they don't, he should face them and tell them that he loves you and wants to marry you and____________fill in the blanks. Ultimately, he should be willing to sacrifice for you if he truly loves you. Nothing should come between true love. Only you can decide..................
2006-06-23 20:36:53 · answer #4 · answered by pilotmanitalia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, no one could keep me from being with the love of my life. People might view that as selfish, but that's ok, I'm rarely selfish, once in a while is fine.
2006-06-23 20:38:29 · answer #5 · answered by musiclover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should tell him all of this. it is very difficult to be in second place to his parents and family. i mean, i guy who is into taking care of his parents is cool, but you have to make it clear with him what position you are in in his life.
2006-06-23 20:43:15 · answer #6 · answered by Jade101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about it. He's a player.
2006-06-23 20:48:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋