Anger Management....what do you do when anger, over-rides every other thought?

Question

we have all been there, no doubt! when we get so angry, we can't think straight. some of us explode, some of us implode...but what do you do to REGAIN yourself?....maybe we can learn something from each other, about something we all experience... ;D

Answer 1

Whew! There is so much to do! Usually, an anger that controls my thought process and takes me away is something I need to work on resolving for my own health and for others. I do, usually, respond in a defensive manner. I try not to take it too far today, but I can't afford to allow it to live pent-ed up inside.

Work! Physical work is my first line of therapy and retreat from my anger. You should see my flowerbed this year! LOL

Next is to cry. I usually indulge myself in crying today as opposed to fighting it and refusing to release my feelings this way. It's after this cleansing that I begin to become analytical over what's transpired. Then, as painful as it is for me, I try to see my part in why I am angry or what I did to contribute to my new upsetting position in life.

Finally, I come to acceptance. That's not to say however, the battle has been won. For there are times when the anger resurfaces. This particular incident I am referring to is about loosing my granddaughters. Their mother has left our state, and she did this without letting anyone know she was planning this. I thought we were friends besides in-laws. So in this particular situation, there is a lot of pain (anger.)

I am working through this now. At this time, I am in acceptance. But I dearly miss the girls, and the relationship I thought existed between us as family. I do see my part in what's happened, and I will accept responsibility for that which I freely offered to the circumstances that resulted in my anger and pain. However, in the same spirit of honesty to myself, I will acknowledge that others have their own ideas, personalities and responsiveness to situations. I was told the mother left due to my son's lack of concern for her anymore. And, it's obvious they don't love each other any longer. But, the granddaughters are precious and I fear for them in a world without a set of parents. And now, they have been removed from our presence too.
But, the mother does have family where she went to and there are cousins. The granddaughters will grow up around other people and hopefully we will be able to visit with them in the future. In our state, we have no legal rights as grandparents. Until our son and she find a common ground, things are rocky right now.

I am journaling right now. Talking to people on Yahoo Answers is wonderful. It helps break through the isolation of ones thoughts, and to me this is very important. Thank God for the Internet. :) And Thank God for the strength He offers to me one day at a time. All I need to do is accept His gifts.

And Thank God for people who care. We will all get by with a little help from our friends.

Cheers! :)

Answer 2

I've learned that you must slow down or defuse the anger enough to make a consious choice. Ask yourself these questions before you act on your anger 1) What am I reading into this that is making me so angry? 2) Spend time defining the way you feel. Is it anger? frustration? hatred? Get specific about the feeling. 3) What do I really want and will acting on my anger give me what I really want? 4) What kind of behavior and action will give me what I really want? Hope that helps. It's helped me a lot.

Answer 3

"There are two types of people, explosive and implosive. Explosive is the guy at the supermarket, exploding at the cashier because they won't accept his credit cards. Implosive is the cashier, taking it all in and not saying a thing, then comes in the next day and blows everyone to pieces."

Just felt like quoting that. I guess you just need to let it all out, if it bottles up too much it explodes eventually or turns to ulcers. neither is good, so go with the one that keeps you out of the hospital.

Answer 4

Honest to goodness, counting to ten is so corny but it works if you can discipline yourself. Any time you can take a step back -- by counting to ten, by moving to another room, by hanging up the phone, by doing anything but continuing what you're doing -- you can let the anger dissipate and then deal much more rationally with what caused the anger in the first place.

Answer 5

Walk a way. Just walk away and get way from the situation. Give yourself some time to think. Can't count the number of times this has helped me.

Answer 6

I get out of the situation, take a walk or a drive works too. I try to avoid going back to the situation until im calmed down and had a chance to think rationally.

Answer 7

Walk out. Count to a million, or just leave.
I go to the driving range and hit golf balls --- that is if I realize I'm getting to that point. If I have to be around people and am angry, I'm mean, short and a smart a$$. I try to not go around others when I'm angry. I don't like me when I'm angry.

Answer 8

laugh. there will be some kernel of absurdity in the thing that triggered your response. anger overrides your perception, so you don't have to deal with it - and it may not warrant your time and energy anyway, which is why you are shutting it out - but also, being able to see it for what it is - is also a way to not only keep your distance from the issues, but also to put them in perspective.

Answer 9

YOu have to ask yourself some simple questions:

1. Why are you mad?
2. Is it really anger you are feeling or another emotion? (often times anger is our first primal reaction even though another emotion like fear or sadness is the real emotion we are feeling.
3. Is it ok to feel the way you do?

usually by #3 I am not mad anymore.

4. Identify your feelings to the person, own them. "You know dear the things you just said really hurt my feelings and I am sorry you feel that way."

Answer 10

When I get angry, I try to realize it and stop and ask myself "what am I really so angry about?" Often I realize it is just a silly thing and that there is no need to be angry. I then try to smile and move on. It is not easy, but persistence is helping me get there.