Is it normal to have mixed feelings in a marriage?

Question

Ok so I have been thru alot in my marriage and sometimes i just feel i cant take it anymore and cant forget all the mean things he has said and done .. sometimes MOST of the time I find myself trying to figure out how I can just leave and make it on my own after so long ..but then other times I feel he is my husband and we married for better or worse and its like i feel guilty for even thinknig about walking out .. how can i be so confused ? am i just scared ?? Why does lvoe and marriage have to hurt so bad ..or is it i havent found my one true love ? is there a true love?? I cant help but wonder what im missing but at the same time i feel trapped cuz feel gulited to leave we do share a child ..Im working on my insecurities I am trying to better myself as a person in hopes to figure out wer im suppsot to be .. why am i feeling so confused ??

Answer 1

My husband and I have been married for 25yrs. We are 2 of the most opposite people you could ever meet. He grew up in a family involved in the banditos motorcycle gang, his mother was married 5 times and an alcoholic. As a kid he got in trouble street racing for car titles. He quit school at 16. I was raised in a family of 6, 2boys, 2girls. Parents were married 42yrs until my father passed. My father was sole provider and worked for Dupont for 36yrs. Myself and all my siblings grad. high school and 2 of us wen t on to college. Somehow my husband and I met at a country dance hall, and after only 3 months fell in love, married, raised 2 children and now are involved with grandchildren. It was NEVER easy! But there was plenty of fun, adventure, changes, compromise (on both our parts), tears, fights (never physical), misunderstandings, lots of love (have to have it) and sharing involved. We never believed in jealousy, that one thing can kill a marriage quicker than anything. We always respected each other, stood by each other. We tried very hard never to argue about anything especially decisions about our children in front of our children. One last note....Usually the person who can hurt your heart the most is your true love because what they do and say matters the most to you. Always remember that when you unite in marriage you 2 become one and any and all decisions in ya'lls life must be made as one. Hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 2

It's perfectly normal to think and feel this way. Sometimes spouses do things that are not acceptable to the other and the spouse that has been hurt are made to feel it's their fault and are expected to accept it. Their concerns are shrugged off and taken with a grain of salt. People can give their spouse chance after chance and someway or another, that spouse will find a way to mess things up. People reach a breaking point and are torn about what to do. They reflect back on everything that has happened and where they are at today. Their eyes are truly opened and they know they cannot change their spouse. If that spouse is not willing to change for the better, the marriage will always be problematic. This is not all about him, there comes a time when people need to put themselves first and do what's right for them for peace of mind. Even if that means calling it quits. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, they're not walking in your shoes.

Answer 3

You realize that your statement is probably the same thing that about half of all women that are married might say at any given time or even "over and over"....if you have insecurities, keep workin on them but stop taking life sooooooo serious,....you're here just once,...today only happens once. you're lucky that you are intelligent enough to question your relationship at all. Sure you said for better or worse,...we all did that,....so, you gotta figure out what your realtionship will be like 10 years down the road and then look at it now from that point of view,....he's gonna be older and uglier,....less able to be resentful towards you and more dependant upon you which means you'll have more power down the road. you have power now but you better be careful how you use it. Alot of times we as people think the pasture is greener elsewhere and then we find "elsewhere" and find that we were looking at "here and now" from a distance and things are the same where we are then,......hang in there, just try and remove your emotions a bit from what you normally go through and smile a little, think about him from a comical point of view, he'll be fat and have manboobs and wrinkles and he'll move slower,....you on the other hand have "make up".

Answer 4

Life is never easy. You must look at it straight on. You did marry for better or for worse. You have a child. That child will do better if the two of you stay married.

Truthfully, you are not missing anything on the outside, except for:
1. Paying more bills with less money.
2. Hurt and confussed child with more problems, that may someday be very angry with you!
3. Bad feelings with relatives you could possibly need in the future.
4. An opportunity to turn lemons into lemonade by:
- Getting a cool hobby with your hubby.
- If he is not interested in doing stuff with you (and you actually ask him) do a really cool hobby for yourself (as long as your kid can go with you sometimes).
- Giving to someone else even when you don't get all that you want in return (true meaning of love)...

Tough it out. Be strong and live more in your own skin in your own place, the one you have now, it is just fine...

Answer 5

how long have you been married? has something changed with how your husband acts toward you? I think that some individual or marriage counseling is in need here. If you are a religious person, you could talk with someone from your church. If you are constantly thinking of ways to leave him and make it on your own, you need to start talking with someone who can help you.

Answer 6

I have been there. I was with my ex husband for 16 years before he met a girl in a bar, went home with her, then kicked me out of our house! I think what your feeling is normal and you need a break from your husband. A little time apart would do you good. I need to tell you that yes, there is a soul mate for you and it sounds like you haven't met him yet. Hang in there, whats meant to be will happen, you will be happy. Only time will tell

Answer 7

It is normal to feel confused. Just try talking to your partner and maybe you will b able to find a solution to your problem.

Answer 8

yes it is normal to have mixed feeling in marriage. but when you're in love many things change just go for it love is a thing you can't fully understand just enjoy what you got

Answer 9

you might be wise to visit a therapist to help you sort out your feelings. parts of what you are talking about sounds like an abusive situation - of course you want out - noone wants to be treated badly. it is healthy to want to leave. however a therapy session or two would help you clarify things.

Answer 10

Confusion.....? Why dont you think about talking to a neutral person whom you trust.