hi, i am 23 and engaged to this guy, and i am pregnant with his child, but i am extremely unhappy. i honestly dont know what to do. he has HUGE anger problems and gets pissed off over everything. i get b*tchy sometimes, but my hormones are going crazy and i try to control them! but we fight every day and he is always talks down to me. i dont even know if i really want to marry him. does that make me a bad person? is it ok to call off the wedding even though i am pregnant? or do i just marry him for the sake of the child?
2006-06-23 09:40:20 · 22 answers · asked by cyndinicole 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If your unhappy, maybe postpone the wedding until after the baby is born. No reason to get married just to get divorced in the end.
2006-06-23 09:42:52 · answer #1 · answered by sweetdreamin96 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you are not a bad person. And it sounds to me like you are going with your gut by asking this questions. If you are not happy now marriage will not make your unhappiness disappear. It is important for you to know that marriage isn't easy to begin with. I have been married for 4 and 1/2 years and it was blissful before we actually got married and once we did it was very tough. This may not fit your situation but when it comes to marriage it is a complete lifestyle change even when you start off happy. Do you believe in divorce? If you don't, making the decision to get married can possibly leave you unhappy for the rest of your life. I only say this because it is already established that your are extremely unhappy. I personally think it is ok for you to call off the wedding for your sake and your child's sake because it is going to affect your child. The best thing for you to do is build a parent relationship with your child's father so that the two of you can have an understanding of what each of you want for you child. And work on things from there. Also realize if you go on with getting married someone is going to hurt whether it be you emotionally or even your child. I wish you the best and hope you are able to get some prospective on things.
2006-06-23 11:38:46 · answer #2 · answered by Jane C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey there Well I don't know you but I can safely say that you won't be a bad person in just putting it off for awhile. I am 23 myself I have a 7 month old daughter and I wasn't married when I got pregnant I wish that I would have stepped away and enjoyed my pregnancy instead of fight with a person who made me feel less than important at the time. Girl be strong and do what is right for you and the baby. If he loves you and respects you. He won't care if you wait.
2006-06-24 00:59:31 · answer #3 · answered by envisiondreaming 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetie....the worst thing you can do is to marry for the sake of the baby. If he's showing anger now, wait...you haven't seen NOTHIN' yet!! It does not make you a bad person to call off the wedding...it makes you a very intelligent person. Never get married until you are completely in love with the man and you know you want to spend the rest of your life with him. There is no guarantee that he won't abuse you or your baby in the future. Just because you made a baby together doesn't mean you have to get married to this man. He can be just the baby's father and nothing more in your life...it's ok for you to do that...and probably the best thing for the baby is to establish boundaries here. I may want to take it one step further and insist he take anger management before handling the baby...for the safety of your child. Good luck to you.....and please, please, please only marry for love!
2006-06-23 09:48:21 · answer #4 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be better for the child to be in a stable relationship...if you are fighting and not getting a long now it will only be harder after the baby is here and you are married.Unless you are really committed to each other and willing to make life for the other person as comfortable as you can...
Marriage is not a fix all...my friend married for the sake of the baby and she can't trust her husband to be alone with the child and now she has two...she is not as happy as she could be
2006-06-23 09:47:35 · answer #5 · answered by EmmaGee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not marry someone "for the sake of the child". In fact, I wouldn't marry him FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD. They have no business being raised in a household of verbal or emotional abuse. This will teach your child that this is how a marriage works...and then theirs will most likely be doomed too....and then it can keep going and going..from one generation to the next.
I had a guy friend who was a father-to-be with his girlfriend. They talked, realized that they weren't going to last forever and it was more important that they use the time/energy to maintain a great friendship and a strong parental front for their child. They would have rather raised a kid with them being friends and united than force themselves together and get divorced later on, truly scarring the kid. They still are very healthy and the kid knows she is loved beyond words.
Read some marriage vows. Unless you mean them FOR LIFE, don't go through with it. Instead, vow to be the best mother you can be and follow through with that.
Good luck!!!
2006-06-23 16:22:36 · answer #6 · answered by iam1funnychick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage should be about comittment. If you are not committed to him now, you won't be later. Don't marry for the sake of the child. You deserve happiness too. Marriage won't make his anger problems go away. No easy answer to your question. No easy answer to your problem....but don't compound it by getting married to someone you don't really want to marry. Let the child be your main focus now and you will be a better person for it and so will your child. With the guy, let the chips fall where they may.
2006-06-23 09:50:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It definitely DOES NOT make you a bead person! If things are this bad now, they're only gonna get worse. You're better off breaking the engagement now - do not go thru with the wedding just "for the sake of the child". Good for you for seeing these signs now. Be strong for you and your child. Best of luck to you.
2006-06-23 09:55:39 · answer #8 · answered by thersa33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all get bitchy, that is normal. Having huge anger problems is not. I got married very young because i was pregnant, not because he loved me. It ended in divorce two very unhappy and long years later. I say if you are even thinking about calling the wedding off. Do it. It is alot easier to leave now then it will later. And you will probably save yourself alot of time and grief. Trust me, i wish that i had not married him. Do what is in you gut. Follow your heart, because marriage is not going to change anything, if anything it will make things that much more stress full!
2006-06-23 09:49:25 · answer #9 · answered by eskyesmom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear, people don't change and things tend to be progressivly worse. Don't get married and then be trapped in an abusive relationship.... do you want your baby to live in that enviroment?
Do yourself and your baby a favor and get out now while youc an. Call off the wedding and get child support forn the baby's father instead. You are very young and you and your baby deserve love, stability and a loving enviroment.
Love is not supposed to be this way. You are not a bad person, you are SMART if you want to leave him now...
2006-06-23 10:21:55 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋