My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and a half, living together for 1yr...Everything was great together, then he had to leave the Army for medical reasons and moved back to MD to be with his mother/sis/bro because they needed him to take care of them.. I am stuck 4000mi away and am 2yrs away from getting my degree, which we both agree is the best thing for me to do. He and I broke up and didn't talk for a month and a half and he finally emails and calls and we are on the process of working things out. He is working 6days a week, about 13hrs a day, hardly makes enough to support all four of them up there, and has some psychological problems because of serving in Iraq. I am in love with him and he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, he feels the same, he says I am his world-the last thing he wants is for me to be unhappy... Is love supposed to be this difficult? And should he have to take on all the responsibilities and sacrafice his happiness?
2006-06-23 08:59:56 · 7 answers · asked by WoWChick 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
In detail his mother is having health problems, his sister was in a car accident and is physically and mentally disabled, she has very poor short term memory. His brother is bipolar and is on suicide watch.... That is why he feels such an obligation to help his mother out so she can regain health again.
2006-06-24 12:59:30 · update #1
My goodnes,it sounds like he working himself to death there.But sometimes that's what you have to do to help your family.I gather that his father isn't around?It's hard sometimes for guys in this situation.I'm sure he loves you and I'm sure he also loves his family.I could imagine that it's hard for you being away from him and I totally understand that(husbands in the Army),but you also have to make sure that you finish your schooling and take care of yourself too.Is he getting any other help with the finances?That sure is a big job taking care of four people and sounds like the pay is not that good,but then again what job does pay good these days for us regular folks?You should be supportive though even though I know it's hard for you.Is there any way that you can transfer to a school where he is at?Or is that not possible?If he is having issues from going to Iraq,maybe he should try to get some counseling,if he would ever find the time.There are just too many soldiers that come back from there that don't seek any kind of help and then one day it just sneaks up on them and that is a whole other story.I hope for your sake and his that he will exercise those options.And no,love shouldn't be that hard but as stupid as it sounds it will make your love stronger between each other.Good Luck to ya and I hope it all works out.
2006-06-23 09:15:19 · answer #1 · answered by dismalrelic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Complicated Love,
It seems like you need some time to get your life together. you should find out what makes you happy instead of making someone else's life happy. you have to be whole yourself before you can join with someone else to be in a healthy union. If you are in school stay in school, you may not have another opportunity to better your life. It seems as though your boyfriend is supportive, so he onlys wants what's best for you. If you are contemplating moving to where he is you should think agian. If he is in the family and having a difficult time supporting the family you will only add to the burden and if you don't have a set career right now how would you be able to help him. Love is a decision it;'s a choice. If love is so "difficult" now if may get worse. Wait to see how things work out with him and his family. If you are seriously considering marriage, you have to accept the state that your boyfriend and family is in now and that it may not get better are you willing to deal with that resposibility? If He is the one for you ..you will be together under better circumstances. If you all can be close friends that wil be a happy medium for now.. and wait to see how time progresses ineach of your lives.. With you graduating and maybe he will find a other job maybe some of his family members may be able to assit with the finances and things may change. If they do you will feel more confident about the "decison " you made to love ...
2006-06-23 09:15:02 · answer #2 · answered by CURIOUS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you though about continuing school where his at? Have you considered having him and his family move in with both of you? Sometimes time apart is good and if the love is true and both of you are meant for one another then just be patient and wait for the time to pass for you to be together again. Nothing can come between two people that are truly in love.
2006-06-23 09:19:08 · answer #3 · answered by dodgergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do my best to answer these questions as if you were my very own sister.. You have a very good hearted man here from what your telling me He values his family and you cant fault him for that isnt that what your looking for in a mate? Sometimes situations need time and sacrifice.. I am sure with time you will be done with your school and able to move near him ... its not always easy being in a relationship because everyone comes with baggage. Your a kind person to understand him moving and still loving him... Have strength girl.. I believe in you guys you can work threw this ...he is worth it.
2006-06-23 09:17:19 · answer #4 · answered by trudie_barraza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is easy, and the best things are worth the fight...
i don't think it's fair that he has to support his whole family...his parents should have that down by now, but sometimes children need to take care of the parents... you guess need to talk and figure out some sort of compromise.... do what feels right, and try to stay happy!
2006-06-23 09:15:50 · answer #5 · answered by Whitney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
definite adult men are. I shared a house with approximately 4 adult men and that i've got 3 brothers and a Son. they're constantly stepping into arguments over stupid stuff, . they have a point of aggression and EGO that's in all probability testosterone appropriate and on the comparable time can behave rather deceptively and insecurely. Throw all theses ingrediants together and WHAM!
2016-10-31 08:59:17 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO! It's nice of him to try and take care of the family who took care of him, but he has a right to be happy himself. Tell him his family can try going to social services to get the help they need. He does not have to do it all. He should be there with you. He served this f*cked up country to have to go bust his hump taking care of his family back home, and this country needs to give that back to him by helping them so he can be with you.
Good luck!
2006-06-23 09:08:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋