we have been struggling with our relationship since the start of the year(read my 1st question for details.) our daughter is gone for the summer which makes this easier but each day i grow more and more sad thinking this could be the end. we meet for dinner a couple nights a week and i constantly profess my wanting to work things out, my unabashed love for her, and what i plan on doing different in the future. on the outside, she looks happier than she has in months, but she wont really open up about how she feels on the inside. we continue to make plans for the future, budgets, vacations, ect but yet we are still apart. i keep thinking if do say the right thing or do something different, she will call me back. her and my daughter are the most important things in my life and i want to hear from someone who may of went thru this. should i let her make the first move or should i try something different? she is against a counselor so i dont know what else to do.
2006-06-23 08:09:07 · 11 answers · asked by vader1779 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You dont say why you separated in the first place, but it sounds like it was her idea. No doubt there is a problem in your marriage. If its infidelity on your part, then I'd say you have no input as to whether or not she will take you back. If she has fallen in love with someone else, then you will have to wait and see if she comes to her senses. sometimes that happens in a short period of time.
In the meanwhlie, if she refuses counselling, then go by yourself. It is important that you be of the right state of mind no matter what the future holds.
Good luck.
2006-06-23 08:15:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First i want to say that i totally understand what you are going through, only i am the other side of your equation.I strongly believe that couseling can be a huge benefit. It gives you guys a neutral party to vent out all the crap and the resentment that has been building up for all this time.Also, ask her what she wants?? Maybe she is so resentful she is not sure. If you have been together for a long time and you also have a child, the best thing for your CHILD is to work it out. You both made vows, you have a child together.You both made promises,too many people give up on their marriages.Is it all SO bad that things cannot be better again. It takes effort and a commitment to change. BOTH of you!! It is not one sided, it takes 2. I really want to encourage you both to think this through,ALL THE WAY.
My hubby and i have been through trials, (together 15yrs. married 9yrs.)as we will still have as marriage takes work. I am very happy that we have worked it out and it has made us both stronger and more committed to eachother.We have 3 children. I am happy that i gave our marriage another chance as i was the one that was not sure anymore of the relationship. I was feeling very drained and taken for granted fro so long, but not knowing how to express my feelings in a way that he could HEAR me.It was difficult, but i assure you, it was more than worth all the tears and the struggle. GOD BLESS you both and i wish you all the best.
Michele- my3_ngls@yahoo.com
2006-06-23 08:26:40 · answer #2 · answered by Michele S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we just drift apart and you say your wife looks happier maybe she was not happy with you. She may love you but not be in love with you. Have you ever asked if there was someone else? There is a reason why she is so happy you know. I think you should take some time to breath and let her breath for a while. Maybe if she thinks you are seeing someone else she will open her eyes. Sometimes we want what we can't have or what someone else wants. I wish you the best of luck. Hey and let us know what happened.
2006-06-23 08:20:05 · answer #3 · answered by BC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is one in each of those less costly airplanes that doesn't have the little t.v. reveal on the decrease back of the fellow in the front of you's chair? i have been on some those. even if they weren't any further than 6 hours so all i did became stare out the window and nod off. yet you need to objective taking a good e book or an ipod. once you've a movie telephone that would properly be large see you later as you position it into flight mode so it doesn't intervene with any navigation alerts. purchase a nintendo D.S. or yet another variety of hand-held recreation. Get a bop it with headphones so it doesn't annoy human beings, they're exceedingly addictive. in simple terms take as many differing sorts of leisure as you are able to so it doesn't get tedious. save in recommendations you wont be wide awake for the completed 17 hours. Have an superb flight! :-)
2016-11-15 04:23:35 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its time to shut up and put up its so easy to say but not easy to do its time for you to see the counselor its don't matter if she go or not and stop going out for dinner and if you do let her talk what happen the 1st of the year i feel she is see someone else i know its so hard i was the one who promise i do this i do that you can if it if it not broken this the hardiest thing you need to do protect yourself stop see her give her time i was there i cry i call i made a fool of my self i back off thing got better we are talking we are divorce we are still friend and i met the best lady after 4 years later we are getting marriage there is light at the end pray for god only give you what you can handed good luck the joker
2006-06-23 08:54:09 · answer #5 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, no one knows that answer. But don't be so sure of yourself about all the things you're going to change. Not that you don't have the desire, it's just that these things are easier said than done. I am suggesting that both of you try marriage counseling to give you some wonderful tools on communication, understanding each other better and just coping with conflict. It is AMAZING what you will learn about yourself and the opposite sex and relationships when you go to marriage counseling. NO COUPLE ON THE PLANET SHOULD GO WITHOUT IT. I realize how unequipped we all are to handle relationships. We are just not taught how to do it and we have to learn it somewhere. Wouldn't you rather learn it with your partner than without? So if you're dying to get back together, she clearly is not and has apprehensions and they are justified. Suggest this to her and it may change both of your lives forever. I would recommend (and it is recommended) that you go for at least 6 sessions consistently. Good luck
2006-06-23 08:16:31 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Phil-lys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well to start with this realy hits home with me becouse I went through something very similiar about 3 years ago to a man I was with for 18 years.and all I could tell you is that it doesn't matter how much you love her or how much you want things to workout it has to be a team effort or it will never work.believe me I tried for over 2 years and all it did was make me bitter towards this person. set something up where you can sit and talk about how things are going to be. dont tell her how you feel try and get her to talk about her feelings it could be that she doesn't feel the same way you do but when you profess your love and open up to her she clams up,trust me it hurts like hell but in the end your better off knowing whats going on in her heart as well as her mind.and always remember if God brings you to it,he will get you through it...good luck
2006-06-23 08:24:32 · answer #7 · answered by vallegirl2005 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that usually when you move out it is over. The rest is just going through the motions. So if you really want this relationship, I believe you should go home NOW! If not, then I really don't see it working out. Ask her if she is interested in working it out, or not. If you can't do it living together, then face the fact it is probably over. She needs to do the same. If she wants you to be together, she needs to be under the same roof with you.
2006-06-23 08:15:47 · answer #8 · answered by Okkieneko 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really need a counselor for at least just you. that's what i did (he wouldn't go). It helped me more than i could have ever imagined, i even still use the stress management skills he taught me to this day and i've been divorced now for 6 years and am happlily re-married. your counselor can help you determine the best path for you. good luck-smile - its not the end of the world- maby the beginning of a new chapter in your life.
2006-06-23 08:15:32 · answer #9 · answered by Kacey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She looks happier, maybe because she is. She might have someone else at least in mind.
I say give it your all, but if you find its not working drop it, don't turn into a crazy idiot.
2006-06-23 08:23:11 · answer #10 · answered by StephNLee2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋