I had gone to my spouse and said that I was having feeling for another person. I at the same time asked for my partners help I.E councelling or whatever, the reply was its your problem you deal with it. I did deal with it I left my spouse because I felt if they cared I would have had the help I wanted. I am now looked at as a bad person because of this by our mutual friends needless to say I felt betrayed by the whole process. Why should we be honest if this is the result?
2006-06-23 08:02:18 · 10 answers · asked by suzy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
how come I would be labled a cheater if I did try to solve the problem
2006-06-23 08:04:35 · update #1
First let me say that all is not what it appears to be second I had not cheated but for my mind.
2006-06-23 08:14:37 · update #2
and third if I had felt like I had done nothing wrong then why would I ask for help in the first place
2006-06-23 08:17:17 · update #3
Honey it sounds like to me that he didn't care if you stayed in your marriage or not, no wonder you had feelings for someone else. He sounds very shallow. And nobody knows what happens behind closed doors so don't worry about those so-called mutual friends who are judging you. At least you had the courage to admit that you had those feelings and asked for help. As for the ones that are judging you on here, they need to read the question again you did ask for counseling.
2006-06-23 08:09:07 · answer #1 · answered by bemassey2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suzy,
There were and are problems in the relationship that have gone unsaid. Its impossible to go though the entire circumstances in a few paragraphs.
You made an effort to salvage the relationship, and for your trouble you get a "kiss off" attitude. Well kiss him and the so-called-friends off.
You have your life to live. NO ONE can walk in your shoes but you.
A Chinese proverb goes; "Be considerate of others, but consider yourself first". That is not being selfish, that is called life.
If he loved you, he would do anything to save something he felt was worth saving. He did not feel that way, and unless you like being stepped you need to move on with your life. I promise he will. In fact he may already have had someone else in mind, but it was easier to make you the bad person.
Forget him and and all the teenage philosophy. You did the right thing.
Enjoy your life the way you want to enjoy it.
2006-06-23 08:36:29 · answer #2 · answered by Nick R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that. Well obviously you cared more about saving the relationship than sabatoging it. Its not our fault that our hearts may change. Maybe you were having problems with you spouse anyways, seeing how you developed feelings for some one else. It sucks that your friends turned against you, I suppose they weren't all that mutual. Tell your friends what happened. Still go see a counselor to help you out with this.
2006-06-23 08:09:59 · answer #3 · answered by sweetsugakb24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"It's not my fault; it's always somebody else's problem"
Crap lady, what will it take for you to wake up and smell the coffee. What is he had come to you and said the same thing? Would you have calmly sat him down and counseled him to get some professional help? Would you have take it in stride? I think not. Hell you can't even work through your own problems; much less anyone else's.
Your question, why is ti that you are treated like the bad person?
The answer is: because you are the bad person!
2006-06-23 08:11:04 · answer #4 · answered by RunningUte 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember the vows you took? That is why you are the bad person. You did not stick by the words you spoke. You gave up without seeing a counselor, talking to a church leader, or even writing to Dear Abby. Marriage is a commitment. Live it.
2006-06-23 08:06:33 · answer #5 · answered by Okkieneko 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because your husband didn't care and your "friends" chose sides.
You did the right thing and you have nothing to feel bad about. You took the right steps and you were turned away. You asked for the help and were denied. You are the vicitm...
2006-06-23 08:07:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wanna know since all this are u happier now? do u think u made the right choices, if the answers are yes then fck what anyone thinks because its ur life not thiers , they just think ur selfish , and thats never going to change ok , so let them say what they want, they have no life do they if thier so concerned about urs
2006-06-23 08:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by jojo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have never gotten married if you were not ready to be with that one person forever! People need tostart thinking before they make major decisions! I don't understand what you expected him to do!!
2006-06-23 08:08:00 · answer #8 · answered by Sabrina D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you were cheating at one time. Once a cheater always a cheater...
2006-06-23 08:09:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree. If he cared, he would have done anything to help you.
2006-06-23 08:08:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋